Can You Be Materialistic AND Spiritual?

I am pondering the idea of materialism and how it relates to spirituality. For years, I went through a phase where I said, "I'm spiritual. Materialism is nice, but it is not a focus." No more. I've determined that it is possible to be materialistic AND spiritual at the same time.

"How so?" you might ask.

Yesterday, during the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self-Help Show with Eva Gregory, we were talking about Mastering the Law of Attraction. I was describing how I wanted to manifest convincing someone to do something, for good of course, that previously I'd not thought about. The idea was to prove to some friends that I could do this. So, I told them I was going to convince Roger to let me drive his beautiful Porsche Carrera 911 to the market to get a pie for Krista, their co-worker. My friends all said "No way. He'll never let you drive his Porsche, dude." Paula, another friend, said "Hey, if he says yes, I wanna drive it, too!"

Well, as you know, I'm a bit brazen. So, I walked up to Roger, and told him it was Krista's birthday, and I wanted to go get a cake and pie for her and for the office to celebrate from the local bakery. Roger said "Yeah, that's a good idea!" I then said I didn't have the money to pay for the pie. "Just take the money from petty cash," Roger replied. Then I said "Oh, and Paula wants us to go in your Porsche instead of my big truck or her dirty car." Roger looked at me funny and said, "Who wants to drive it?" I said, "Paula does!" He said, "Sure, no problem," then handed Paula his keys. Paula then handed me the keys and said "I'm too nervous to drive that car - you drive it!" It took me as long as getting out of the parking lot to get used to sitting in that car!

Pictured (above) - Porsche Carrera 911 Targa

And, oh, was it fun driving my pal Roger's Porsche. This car is a dream. It had all the juice when I gunned it, and it whipped around the mountain road like a thoroughbred heading around the last turn at the Kentucky Derby. As I looked over at Paula, I noticed she was laughing non-stop and grinning from ear-to-ear. "Damn, this car is a magnet!" I realized. I also realized how much fun a car can truly be... the wind flowing in your hair, feeling "as one" with a piece of machine never seemed more appropriate than when I commanded the wheel of Roger's zippy sports-car.

(How fun is it driving a Porsche 911 Carrera? See this!)



While recounting the story about manifesting driving the Porsche to Eva during the show, I jokingly made the comment, "I know we're not supposed to be materialistic, but I'm in love and it's with that car!"

As an expert, well-trained coach, Eva caught my error in manifesting the car and busted the "tape" I was playing and said "Ah! But Scott, WHO SAYS you're not supposed to be materialistic? Being materialistic and spiritual are often one in the same. IT'S ALL ENERGY. Who says you can't love that car? If you're happy driving it, then I say the car is for you."

(Yep, don't be surprised if I'm not driving that car within the year... heh heh... now to find the $80K to buy it!)

I think Eva hit the spiritual and materialism nail on the head. If a material possession is energy, such as a car, and if being spiritual is energy, such as saying a prayer, then it is possible that driving a car we love and praying a prayer for someone are similar or possibly even the same thing! Driving that car put a whole new perspective on "praying without ceasing!"

Crazy, huh?

Not really. To the metaphysical scientist, E=MC2 is the formula that says energy becomes mass which can change and become energy again. But to the spiritualist, God (or Spirit) is the underlying square root of that energy. The Christians call it "God", the Native Americans "The Great Spirit" the Easterners say "the Tao" but whatever, it's all related, if you ask me. The Law of Attraction is the spiritual law that we will attract what we focus on - good or bad - and the importance is to focus or channel our thoughts, speech, and action. In Buddhism, the expression "Right Thought, Right Action, Right Speech" is all about this principle.

I've never had more fun driving a vehicle in my life as the day I drove Roger's Porsche. So, the next time you start to stop yourself for thinking that driving that cool Porsche isn't spiritual, think again. Maybe it is exactly the thing that would fulfill your spirit the most. And manifesting things that fulfill our spirit help us realize that the Law of Attraction can be applied to anything we want from life. I'm all about having fun in life, so for me, driving that car just got added to my dream board. The world is our oyster. It is up to us to crack the shell to find the pearl.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Mastering The Law of Attraction with Eva Gregory on the AspireNow Show

Join me at 5PM PST / 8PM EST on Tuesday, June 24, 2008, for a special interview with Eva Gregory, Master Life Coach and expert speaker on "The Law of Attraction", on the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self-Help Show.

Today, Eva will be talking about her highly successful book, Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction, co-authored with Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hanson and Jeanna Gabollini (2008).

Eva is a master coach, speaker and author of several programs and books including The Feel Good Guide to Prosperity, The Prosperity Game Home Study Course™, The Magnetizing Money Course™, and 12 Weeks to Financial Fortune™.

She instructs tens of thousands in person, on the radio and in teleconferences, seminars and workshops on how to deliberately create a life by design using the Law of Attraction.

Do you believe that all of us have the power to change anything in our lives and design it purposefully? Eva does! Call into the show to listen, ask questions, and discover why!

Eva Gregory received her coaching certification from The Coaches Training Institute and further training with CoachU and Corporate CoachU. She is past President of the International Coach Federation (ICF) San Francisco East Bay Coaches, she co-produced the award-winning San Francisco Bay Area Coaching Conference and is a keynote and guest speaker at several conferences, expos, and radio shows.

In 2006, she was named International Coach of The Year. Call the show and listen online to learn secrets from a master of manifesting your dreams. It's simple and easy to join in!

To Call In: Dial (724) 444-7444.
Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 #
or your Talkshoe PIN

Topic: Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction

When: Tuesday, June 24, 2008, 5PM PST (1 hour Internet Talk Radio Show)

How to Participate:

1. Visit http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792 - this enables you to text questions and see questions/live chat during the show.

2. Dial (724) 444-74443. Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 # or your Talkshoe PIN. This enables you to call in and ask questions live via telephone.

Note: You can also download Talkshoe's Classic player to use the "Classic" version of the show format for text comments and show hosting, although this step is no longer necessary to join.

If you MISS the show, just click here and listen right from this page:

Taking Time To Love Our Own Self

Have you ever experienced the feeling like you were pulled to give time to a dating partner or life partner instead of loving your self?

I recently discovered that I'd been jumping back into dating too soon after a relationship breakup. How did I know this? Well, because, with every person I met to date I found they were either (a) emotionally unavailable, (b) seeking rescue, (c) expressing they were into me (and I wasn't them), and/or (d) expressing they were not into me (and I was them). Whatever the situation, I noticed that I was pushing too much. And, when I got there, I had little desire to pursue it further.


Why? Because I hadn't resolved my feelings in my previous relationship.

I think it is normal to still feel "in love" with a partner, even when they are gone, especially if there was a strong chemistry element to the relationship. However, being in love with someone else means you are NOT emotionally available to date anyone NEW. In other words, dating anyone new when you're still in love with someone else only sabotages any chance at a real connection with that person.

When I realized this was my situation, I decided to pull back from dating and focus on taking time for self. I've done it before: after my divorce with Judi (1993) and again after my breakup with Trisha (1999), I took some time for my self and found it time well spent. I also took that time again between 2002 and 2006, to a large extent, and also found that useful for personal development. If you find yourself working on falling out of love with another and back into love with your self, take some time - it will do you good.

I'm not someone who enjoys excessive time alone. But I do find it worthwhile when between relationships to stop looking for answers outside of me and instead remember to LOVE ME AGAIN and realize that all the answers to my personal happiness lie inside me. The spirit of God inside me provides all the happiness I need to be fulfilled. It is true for everyone. When you love yourself, then you are truly ready to love another person again!

So, if you're finding yourself caught in demands for your love and affection and your heart just isn't in it, perhaps you might take some time out for yourself. Remember, any time we want to love someone else, and have them love us, too, it is critical that we love our own self first.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog. Photo courtesy Free Range Stock.

Peak Moments Matter

Have you figured out the "peak moments" in your life?

If I were to ask you to define your "peak experiences" over the history of your life, which ones rank highest?

I had someone ask me this question. Over half of my personal peak moments were from vacations.

I noticed while shuffling through odd-and-end photos that the 2007 Christmas Card from my girlfriend had eight photographs on it. Five of those pictures were taken from vacations. Either the cruise to Mexico, the trip camping, or the photo of us dog-sledding in Alaska all stood out as peak moments from her year.

I've noticed in over 500 interviews over the past 5 years with couples and singles about their peak experiences in life that most people would say that 50% or more of their peak moments occur on vacation. I've also noticed that other high-quality time together is during our meal-time.

My family used to pray, then talk about their day around the dining table during family meal-times. It is a highly useful practice to help build consistency around family, know what's going on in everyone's life, and encourage each other and share in each other's lives.

Are you making the time you spend eating together a priority? Or do you just serve up dinner and everyone goes off and does their own thing? Try setting a specific time. Say "grace" if it suits you, then share with each other from your day.

Are you making the time to vacation together with the people you love? If not, why not book a fun trip to a spot on your bucket list (list of places to go before you "kick the bucket") and start building a new memory.

It might require a sacrifice to go: higher gas prices, taking time off of work, coordinating schedules, and costs of traveling all impact the ability to vacation. As I've always found, the people who vacation the most are those who MAKE time for vacations. If you set vacation time as a priority, you'll find the quality of your life will improve, too.

In all of my hundreds of interviews with couples, I find that the happiest couples are those who vacation at least three weeks a year. How much quality time are you spending together? Are you seeing the world with each other?

Peak moments matter. The memories you make both on vacation and around the table will be the memories you'll all talk about years from now. And, if you haven't been going, you can start making those memories today!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. Photo: C. Andrews (my folks, Tami, and I eating some ribs on the cruise to Alaska - good times!). All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Are You In Love?

Do you believe in love? Are you in love with someone special?

Have you let them know it lately?

There are many ways to say “I love you” to someone. When considering love, it can be a feeling, a thought, a spoken word or phrase, a gesture, or a solid action demonstrating love clearly exists from one person to another.

What Is This Strange Feeling we call LOVE?

If you feel that you love someone, you're likely either feeling a sense of “belonging” or a sense of “loyalty” or a sense of “passion” for that person. Have you ever seen someone who “felt” in love with someone but never told them how they felt? What were they waiting for?

Sometimes, we don't share our feelings with others because we are afraid that we might be rejected. Or, we may have been hurt by a lover in the past and now feel the fear that this new person may not work out, either. Last, perhaps we've already given it a go with a special person and had less than the desired success with the relationship, and feel that going back in might cause more hurt in the future. In any event, there are reasons why people sometimes do not express their feelings of love for each other. However, I will point out that in most of these instances, it is FEAR that stops people from sharing their feelings with each other.

In case you've missed some of my other articles on this subject, FEAR blocks LOVE. You can't have your optimum relationship airplane take-off with fear on board the plane! FEAR works like a DRAG on any relationship. So, if FEAR is stopping you, I'd say to RELEASE the FEAR! Once you've released the fear you will free your soul of the burden that blocks your conscious self from expressing your true feelings. At that point you will be able to express your love freely with the person you love.

How can we express the love we feel?

Once you've decided to express your feelings, you now have choices. You can either SAY how you feel, or you can SHOW how you feel.

Say it loud, say it proud!

"I LOVE YOU!"

When we say “I LOVE YOU,” we are expressing our feelings in the most direct and sincere way possible. We could still say, “I care about you” or “I dig hanging out with you” or “you're a lot of fun” but all of those ways of expressing feelings could just as easily be feelings of friendship as feelings of love. If you want to say “I love you” to another person, why not just come out and say these three magic words?

Now, if you're like me, you probably appreciate hearing when another person says “I love you” to you. So, go for it, put it out there, and let your heart strings play their tune.

Have you told someone you care about deeply that you love them?

If you were hurt in the past, you've got to move beyond that hurt, put the fear behind you, and embrace saying how you feel IN THE MOMENT now. When you can do this, you will experience MORE love in your life – I'm certain of it. If you sense people arguing, why not step in and offer a bridge towards faith, hope, and love in the GOOD of things. When we work as a team, support each other, and offer encouragement, life is SO MUCH BETTER!

In my family, we all say “I love you” when parting. We do this frequently – I'd say about 30% of our conversations end with “I love you” stuck in there some place. I don't know if I've been as good with my relationships. For some reason, I'm a bit non-committal and don't always say how I feel when I love a woman. I've made a new resolution in 2008 that from now on, when I feel it, and we have engaged in a committed relationship, I will say "I Love You" much more often. If you feel like you love someone special, tell them. You might have something to lose, but we certainly can't win anything if we don't play the game of life. And playing means jumping in and saying something.

Don't just say it - SHOW IT!

Now, you may also feel better if the person also SHOWED you how much they love you as well as TOLD YOU how much they loved you. After all, we can't play if we don't interact.

My sister once told me that children base their judgment of how much you love them by how much TIME you spend with them, doing things together. Is it any different for teenagers, college kids, thirty-somethings, mid-life adults, or elderly? I read in an advice column last week how a Grandmother felt her love was rejected and didn't matter because the kids and grand kids weren't showing appreciation for the time she was investing towards them. On the other hand, I've also read about mothers trying to get their kids exposure to a grandmother who didn't act involved or show up to birthday parties. The love street goes BOTH ways. Just reach out and show the people in your life that you love them.

We MAKE time for those we love...

Don't just TAKE time - MAKE time for the people who are special to you. Spend meals and vacations together. Go fishing together. Attend plays together. Read a book together. Watch a movie together. Go for a walk together. Just do things together. I love going to play golf and tennis with my brother and nephew. It's become a favorite past-time now with all of us that grew out of my reaching out one day saying "Come play golf with me!"

In my family, not only do we say we love each other often, but we also SHOW each other that we love each other by making special trips and visits to be with each other. We share special meals together. We're there for each other during hard times. We play together. We take vacations together. We make a point to communicate with each other – even when we're busy. Is your family making the effort to SHOW they care as well as SAY they care for each other? If not, why not start this practice today?

Actions speak louder than words...

Here are a few useful ways to SHOW YOU LOVE SOMEONE with your ACTIONS:

1. Write a handwritten note. Notice: I didn't say send a text message. The meaning of taking the time to write a letter still carries far more weight than sending an email or a text message. We've grown so lazy in the modern era! Is an e-card the same as a hallmark birthday card? I hardly think so. People TOUCH a letter. They don't touch their e-cards. I remember when my wife, before we were engaged, sprayed perfume in her letters to me so that I'd remember her smell when reading her love letters to me. Can you SMELL an email? Enough on that. So, yes, put it in writing. I was joking with a friend by my pool last week and said “I think it's hot when a woman writes me a love note, like 'I love you' or 'you made me so hot last night' in lipstick on the mirror, or sticks a little love note under my pillow saying something like 'I think about you...' while I'm sleeping, or creative things like that.” She replied, “I send my fiancée a text message!” What do you think a man is more likely to remember: the lipstick note, the note under the pillow, the note in the lunch pail, the card with perfume, or the text message? So, put it in writing but also make it something memorable by engaging the senses and making it physical!
   
2. Put yourself in front of them. My Dad once told my sister that if she wanted to attract a man, to dress pretty, be smiling and happy, and make sure she stood in front of him at events where he shows up! I recall meeting my last girlfriend that way, when she was standing there at church laughing at my crazy jokes! She later followed me around the appetizer trays as we chatted, and we talked for about forty minutes that first day. Clearly, there was something going on! Are you spending time or finding activities where the person you love is spending their time? I play gigs. I've found that women, when they want to express interest in me, often show up at one of my saxophone gigs. It's a way they're letting me know they're interested and it's probably also fun and casual for them so it is easy for them to put it out there. My sister met David, her eventual husband, at a group event at Campus Crusade for Christ. David and his friend, Chuck, invited Terri and her friend, Susie, to frozen yogurt one night, and then later they went on a double-date to a movie. Chuck put his arm around Suzie, David gave Terri a kiss goodnight, and the rest was history! In one of my all-time favorite movies, It's A Wonderful Life, Mary Hatch, the woman who loves George Bailey, finds a way to go with him to the dance, to spend time around his family, to support him in his dream to “lasso the moon” and pretty much demonstrates, consistently throughout the movie, that she totally loves him lock, stock, and barrel. I wouldn't mind being loved like that, too!
   
3. Do something nice for them. This one is tricky. You want the thing you do to be a favor, not create an expectation. So, use this with discretion. An ex-girlfriend once told me she thought I loved her when I took out the trash. She also said she showed her love to me when she folded my socks in the laundry (I'm color-blind), saving me anguish from wearing a navy sock with a black sock! Those little things sometimes matter. The things we do for each other, baking cookies, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn, bringing soup when they feel bad, giving them a back massage, rubbing their feet, are all ways to show you love someone. In school, I remember I scored points when I offered to carry a girl's books one time. Little things that show you are a gentleman, or a lady, matter. Show up with flowers, chocolate, or some other little small gift. Show up with a CD he likes or some other gift he wants. Do something to show him you care. Dress up for each other and look nice for each other - even after you've been dating for three years!
   
4. Be there when times are tough. When someone is ill, experiences a loss at their job, goes through a tough time at work, loses a friend or loved one, goes through a death in the family, an accident, or any other thing that could be considered a “times are down” moment, it is critical that you show the person you love that you care. Seriously, friends show they are friends by being there – in both the good times and bad! If you love someone, show them you love them. Don't let them down when they're going through a tough time. Be there for the people you love when they go through tough times and you'll prove that you're a loyal, loving companion!
5. Hold hands, hug, kiss, or make love with them. If you want to show someone you care, don't withhold physical affection. Show them you love them by greeting them with a hug and a kiss (a long one if you're already intimate – the 10-second kiss concept helps keep relationships a little spicier!). Touch them, rub their shoulders, pat them on their hip, wrap your arm around them when you're standing by them, and connect with them physically. It is a way to show we are connected, mentally and emotionally, with someone we love, by touching and connecting with them physically. I recently saw a woman and her husband together, and while they were considering a serious decision, I noticed that she rubbed his arm, rubbed his shoulders, smiled at him, gave him encouraging looks.. there was so much in her body language telling him "I love you!" that it was right there on her sleeve!
   
6. Don't withhold your love. If you're still in love with someone, but playing hard to get or distancing yourself, whatever you do get back in there and communicate that you love them! Why would you pull away and cause them to doubt that you care if you truly still DO care for them? And by all means, if you're in a committed adult relationship with someone, do NOT withhold physical affection. If you're holding out, sexually, consider giving your lover sexual love unless it is painful or highly uncomfortable for you to comply or give physical affection due to an injury or illness. I've seen men cheat on women because they withheld sex. I've seen women cheat on men because they were only “getting it” once every two months. If you're in a “love” relationship, why wouldn't you want to “make love” with each other? If you want to show, through your actions, that you love someone, then making love is the most intimate and powerful way you can demonstrate your love for your partner. Of course, make sure you're fully able to trust each other first, then engage in sex as it is appropriate. But, once you're in a sexual relationship, do not then start to withhold or find excuses to avoid sex. It will degrade how you show your love through actions more than anything else you can do. As a friend of mine recently said to his girlfriend "I can deal with all the crazy stuff you put me through if you give me regular sex, but when you withhold sex all I hear and see is the bad stuff." Yes, sex matters.
   
7. Give before you expect to receive. (Or give without expecting to receive.) If you've been holding back, expecting your lover to give to you first, I'd suggest YOU GIVE to them FIRST. Why initiate? Because, by putting it out there you help encourage others to love you the way you would like to be loved. We have a song we play in my band, BODY, called "Give Some to Get Some," which is about this very thing. Give some without expecting anything back, and you might be surprised by what you do get back.

If you want to build more love, yes, it is important to both say "I love you" to your partner AND show them, through your actions, that you're someone they can count on, that you're someone who supports and believes in their dreams, and you're someone who will celebrate the good and bad times, too.

If you're IN LOVE with someone, don't leave it to mystery – or to chance – for them to find out. Take action and SHOW you love them by doing something, right now, to demonstrate your love, and you'll improve the love in your life.

Enjoy this article? You'll also enjoy my article on Fun Dating Ideas here at AspireNow.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

I Miss You

I recall friends who used to talk with me every day. We may have emailed regularly. Others would text message or Instant Message me. For some, it was just a talk, meet, and have fun thing. Many people enter our lives, interact with us at some level of intimacy, then go on with their journey elsewhere.

To those who have helped me along my journey, as I think of you, I will send you this thought:

"I miss you...
Thank you for what you gave when you were in my life.
I am grateful for the experience of knowing you.

I send you blessings of love, happiness, joy, forgiveness, and gratitude."

Are you grateful for the people who've influenced your life?

If not, send out a thought of gratitude. Gratitude + Love + Forgiveness = Fulfillment + Happiness.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Setting and Reaching Your Goals

Are you living the life you want? If not, perhaps it is a good time to revisit your dreams and goals and WRITE DOWN what you really want the most.

I've got a formula I've used in the past and recently revisited regarding goals. It worked before, and I believe it still works, today.

How to set and reach better and more powerful goals:

1. Write down goal categories.

I recently made the following categories:

1. Personal growth and spiritual development
2. Career development
3. Fun, hobbies, and recreation
4. Money management
5. Social network
6. Family and friends
7. Health and body

Through utilizing this system, I broke down my goals into the top 1 - 3 goals for each category. If this is too daunting, just set ONE goal for each category.

For example, my biggest health and body goal right now is to get back to 195 FIT lbs total weight. I've made progress on this having lost 24 lbs in the past six months; however, I still have to get more toned and drop another 20 lbs. by the end of August to hit my goal.

2. Frame each goal in terms of "I am" and "sooner or on" and "or more than" and "or less than" in your phrasing.

For example, with my health and body goal, I've phrased it like this:

I am exercising regularly, weighing 195 lbs or less, physically fit, and eating healthier foods by August 31, 2008 or sooner.

See how it works?

3. Put each goal on an index card.

4. Read each goal as an intention twice every day.

5. Additional recommended step: create vision boards for your goals.

I recommend utilizing Orange Peel Software for a "dream board" on your computer. They're not expensive and it's a cool way to create the exact vision of what you want to see instead of a screen saver!



In addition, create a cardboard vision board with cutouts you create on your computer or from magazines. Just be careful using magazines ... I'd rather paste the EXACT thing I want rather than something SIMILAR to what I want. It is more powerful to picture the EXACT representation of what you want to realize in your life.

When revisiting your index cards each day, I suggest you read each one in the morning, and then again late in the day before you go to bed or when you say your prayers.

I've also written an article on Executive Goal Setting to help you realize more of your career aspirations over at ARRiiVE's blog. I recommend you check it out before completing your business goals.

I wish you the best in setting and reaching your goals. I've found this system to be the best over the course of my life. If you regularly revisit your goals, cross off the list the ones you've achieved and added new goals, over time, you'll realize far more than your counterparts and live a much more happy and fulfilled life!

View related articles:
How To Succeed More Often
A Vision Board Can Help You Manifest
How To Lose Weight
Fun Dating Ideas
Find The Man (or Woman) Of Your Dreams
Smashing The Goal Barrier
7 Steps To Living The Life Of Your Dreams

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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

How To Succeed More Often

Who are you?

If you can answer this question, you can likely find your way to succeed more often than you realize possible.

Which version of "you" are you living?

Recently, I noticed that there are two versions of "Scott Andrews" I've often portrayed to the world. One version is the Scott who I believe people want to see in order for me to be successful. This version puts an image out of hard-work, success is by following the steps, and by being serious I am more powerful. This Scott did what he was told growing up.

The other version is that Scott is a totally fun guy, dancing, playing, laughing, and cracking jokes irreverently left-and-right. This Scott broke rules, ditched classes growing up, and was often told "behave!" He was told he had to be serious, stop joking around, and get work done to be successful. This Scott was told that in order to be successful, he had to repress this playful nature and he would get what he wanted because he gave the authorities what they wanted. The truth is that this Scott is most powerful when he embraces his fun self.

The real Scott; indeed, the most powerful Scott, is the latter person. The first is an image. I'm good at putting it out there. But guess what? I've come to realize that when I want to be most successful I embrace the fun Scott. When I'm all serious, I stop writing deals. When I act like I could give a c*ap and joke around, dance, laugh, play music, and get other people laughing, crying, and feeling who they are, I notice my success - with life, love, work, play, and everything is just better.

Do you know who you are? Who is The Real Me?

I remember the song by John Entwistle of the band called, The Who which is called "The Real Me" where Roger Daltrey sings "Can you see the real me, can you, can you?" In the song, the artist asks his shrink, his mother, his ex-girlfriend, and finally, his priest, if any of them can see the real me. The feeling I come away with listening to The Real Me is that none of these "authorities" truly know the real you. Only YOU know the real you. If you've got multiple persona types you put out there or have developed by being told who to be and find yourself digging through that assortment of potential "you" to find your "real" self, I'd suggest you gravitate to the core of who makes you happiest and most fulfilled. Find the person who feels most happy, alive, and excited to be alive. After all, isn't fulfillment and happiness the ultimate goal we seek as human beings?

Embrace The Real Me! It's the real you!

Now, as you can imagine, the world has often told me not to be the real me. I've been told to follow rules. I've been told to work regular "jobs". I've been told to marry a woman and have kids and the white picket fence. I've been told all kinds of things. But these were all just stuff other people wanted or thought was right. They were not who I am. I decide who I am, after all.

You are blessed. You are supposed to be the real you. You must embrace your true self or risk losing your life and tossing aside your dreams. Nothing is worse than a dream abandoned without full pursuit of its end. Embrace your dream, embrace your life.

How to be most successful:

Embrace the self you feel is most in balance with life, spirit, and the Universe.

Can I ask you a question? If your best friend, parents, or even God gave you permission to be this self you feel is your true self, would you be that person?

We often need someone to give us permission to be who we truly are. If you're struggling with accepting the real you, and scared that the real you will fail, be ridiculed, or otherwise put down by society or your associates, I have a secret for you:

God - Spirit - the Universe - LIFE ITSELF - is calling you to be your best, true, whole self.


Do you need permission from God to embrace this self?

You have permission. It has already been granted you. As a messenger of that voice, I can share that you are most blessed when you are true to the core of who you truly are; when you embrace your full, whole self -- even in the face of convention, rules, or other's desires for our behavior, you will live your best life and succeed more often.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Have Fun Spontaneously

Are you feeling bored or that your life is a bit on the dry side?

It's time to mix it up and do something fun!

And, if you're gonna have fun, the best way is to do it spontaneously. I'm a big fan of spontaneous fun. Many people who know me have experienced my spontaneous theme party ideas. That's right, I've created a party sometimes with as little notice as the same day... some of my parties have been birthday parties, music parties, and just fun get-together after other concert events. Others have been more elaborate, such as the "Shadadelic 60's Party" when I had James Bond's Dr. No Video playing behind the band, or the "Motorcycle Diaries Party" when everyone had to bring a dish from a country featured in the movie of the same name (talk about good food!).

What ways can you have fun?

My ways of creating fun include things like dance parties, beach parties, hikes, going skiing, spontaneous road trips to ...(?), house parties, pool parties, art gatherings, music jams, and all kinds of other stuff.

When is the last time you did something like this? Well, today is the day to make it happen. Our life is more fun when we invite fun people. So, get on the phone, send out some email invites, and have fun with it.

One of my favorite things to do is to invite people who I know will be instigators of fun. I also tend to minimize party-poopers. Be careful about inviting children - they are great for some parties and can dampen the vibe at others. What else? Hmm. Well, it's fun to have party decor. I have a string of colored lights in my kitchen from one birthday party. They were so much fun I left them up permanently! Now, any time I want to "feel" festive, I just plug in the lights!

Also, make sure you have drinks and food. Appetizers, beer, wine, water, and sodas are a must. If you can't afford the food and drink, ask friends to bring some - most of my friends usually bring enough of it that I always have way more food and drink than I need at my parties (hint - there's room for more!).

Take a shopping trip to World Market, Z Gallerie, or Pier One and get some cool party accessories like groovy cocktail napkins, plates, and things like that, and you'll make your party feel a little like you planned for it - even if it IS spontaneous!

Don't forget to put in some fun music... examples include Latin music, songs like B52's "Love Shack" - that always win big...and also some current hip music, such as the following list:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDAaevTq51I

(yeah, I had a young woman ask my band to play this song last Saturday night at Mr. Rick's! I was thinking "boots with the fur?" and laughed, but the song is killer for getting a place loose)

While you're on the rap-style music, hit up this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj63G4MZpms

Modern hipsters also go crazy on the dance floor for Soulja Boy's Tell'em, Nelly's Hot In Here, and . Rijanna's "Shut Up And Drive" was a remix off of New Order's Blue Monday classic from the 80's. Both are cool party tunes. I also love Dakkab Hip Hop Orchestra, Bebel Gilberto, Zuco 103, and it's also groovy to have various acid jazz/ultra cool vibe mixes from places like The Gap or Pottery Barn. I've found that their compilations often are mixed well for parties, if I'm feeling too lazy to create one or don't have time to dial up my CD tray or MP3 loops. AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" is still popular with people, even though it is 25 years old! So, don't forget classics, either.

With music, always cater somewhat to your crowd. If your party is for an older crowd, throw in a little Stan Getz and Frank Sinatra tunes and you'll be fine. Playing "Party Like A Rock Star" and "Boots With The Fur" around my folks would surely have them frowning in no time! Ha! I'd keep those in the bag until after they decided it was past their bedtime...always make sure you hit the right songs at the right time - a must for any party success.

Fun is what fun does and who fun is with. So, plan a few fun things, mix in some good tunes, and invite fun people.

So, that's it on parties for now... but for the other things, it might be as simple as getting some veggie burgers and hamburgers, grabbing a Frisbee, and heading to the park.

Get out and have some fun today. Throw a party. Go to the park. Just do something spontaneous that expresses who you are where you can reach out to the fun people in your life.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Jessica Haynes on AspireNow Radio, Discusses "Get What You Want -- Now!"

Join Scott Andrews, Host of the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio Show this Tuesday, June 10th, at 5PM PST / 8PM EST with special guest Jessica Haynes. Jessica Haynes has been a Business and Relationship Consultant for the past twenty years, and will be taking your calls during the hour. Today she will be talking about her highly successful book, Get What You Want – Now! Money, Love, Power, and more…

That’s right: you can get the loving relationship, career, lifestyle, and level of prosperity that you always imagined for yourself. Jessica will guide you through the five steps of successful manifesting, and answer your questions regarding your relationships, work, money needs, and personal growth path. Jessica will explain how to maximize your talents, reach your potential, and live your dreams during this hour. Get ready for a lot of refreshing ideas, breakthrough perspectives, and ah-ha moments!

To Call In: Dial (724) 444-7444.
Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 #
or your Talkshoe PIN

Topic: Get What You Want – Now!

Jessica has been a business and relationship coach for twenty years and works with a steady clientele nationally and internationally. She counsels business leaders, noted personalities, and enjoys teaching individuals across the U.S. how to realize their dreams. Whether you are getting started on the path of finding your purpose, or focusing on your career Jessica offers renewed hope. Jessica gives you nuts-and-bolts strategies that work!

Jessica receives countless letters and e-mails from her clients and seminar participants affirming that what she teaches improves their lives. Learn how to improve your innate skills, talents, and inner confidence. She can help you maximize your potential. Jessica has been a guest on panels with such top authors and motivational speakers as Ram Dass, Raymond Moody, and Dannion Brinkley. From the State of the World Forum, to the San Francisco Expo, and as far away as Japan… she continues to share her formula for getting what you want and building a dream life.

Whether Jessica is talking about relationships, careers, or finding one’s purpose, an important point stands out… she motivates you! She connects you to your most valuable resource: YOU … that powerful part of you designed to prosper and thrive.

Here are some highlights in this hour:

• How your thoughts affect your future.
• How to be at the right place at the right time.
• How to put yourself first and still win the hearts of others.
• How to have lasting relationships and a fulfilling career.
• How to create wealth, all the while being your true, authentic self.
• How to stop repeating old patterns that hold you back.
• How to find inner fulfillment, peace of mind, and a secure future.

Jessica uses both her clinical psychology background and her highly intuitive skills. In 1983, Jessica had a near death experience. The insights she gained from dying and coming back began to attract clients from across the nation. She turned her attention from that of being a top marketing executive to coaching and helping others reach their dreams and goals. Jessica will share her amazing story. She will also give you the positive ripple-effect that continues to help people around the globe.

What do you want? Is it a better relationship? Having more money? Improving your career opportunities? Learning how to communicate better with others? Enjoying more free time or expanding your hobbies? Maybe, it is being able to ask for what you want, and get it! All this, and more, is answered in Jessica’s book, and we will be talking about these win-win situations today. Jessica will walk you through the mind-set of becoming your best self and getting what you really want out of life.

It's simple and easy to join in!

When: Tuesday, June 10, 2008, 5PM PST (1 hour Internet Talk Radio Show)

How to Participate:

1. Visit http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792 - this enables you to text questions and see questions/live chat during the show.

2. Dial (724) 444-74443. Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 # or your Talkshoe PIN. This enables you to call in and ask questions live via telephone.

Note: You can also download Talkshoe's Classic player to use the "Classic" version of the show format for text comments and show hosting, although this step is no longer necessary to join.

If you MISS the show, visit http://www.aspirenow.com/ and listen via the Talkshow player, or visit: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792.

Also, make sure to click the "follow the show" box if you're listening from the TalkShoe link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792. See you there!!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Do Children Make It Harder To Date?

I've done some poking around lately on dating websites and noticed that some women are really upset at men for pre-judging them simply because they parent two children about to enter their teenage years. This also goes for women pre-judging guys who say "spending time with their child" is one of their top three passions.

Well, as a guy who dated women with children in their pre-teen (and in their teenage years) I can understand and empathize with the challenges of dating a parent. But why does parenting children make it harder for you to date new suitors? I'll illuminate the challenges and some solutions to those challenges in this article.

7 Reasons Why Your Children Make It Harder To Date You:

1. "My child comes first."

Both men and women, but especially women, make this statement. If you're single, and considering someone else to date, do you really want to hear that you're going to be second to someone else's kid? Probably not. Not only that, but oftentimes the parent has disparaging things to say about their ex-husband or ex-wife. Considering this child might just be the demon seed of that ex, perhaps the thought runs through the mind of this new potential suitor "Could this child come first and cause serious problems? YES!" And, often, that pre-judgment would not be wrong. In my opinion, people who put their children first in any situation run the risk of losing a partner. Why? Because the child is NOT the child of the partner. In a relationship, the partner must come first (after God) and the children after that - except for in matters of care. Read more about my position on this matter here.

2. The child may behave poorly.

Well, I know you think your child is perfect because they've been bringing home finger-painted pictures that show you and them and words like "I love Mom" or "My Dad Rocks" on it. Some kids are really sweet and fun to be around. However, some other children often counterbalance those sweet messages with selfish, demanding, and rude behavior. If you're single and don't have a kid, embracing the idea of bringing a poorly behaved child into your life just to date their hot mother or father sort of tarnishes the idea of the new relationship and makes you more than a bit "less" hot. Does this make sense to you?

3. Watching your kid play soccer may not be their cup-of-tea.

I've seen enough soccer games when my ex-wife took me to her niece and nephew's soccer games to last a lifetime. Add to that a couple of ex-girlfriends whose kid also played soccer, and I'm pretty much played-out on watching a kid roll around a ball for three hours on a Saturday, when I could be out on a walk on the beach, playing my sax at a gig, working on a blog post, writing a book, helping a client, bicycling, swimming, skiing, dancing, or anything else under the sun that sounds much more enjoyable. I don't think I'm selfish. I just don't really want to watch children's soccer games. Yet, I've noticed that single parents expect their new partner to get involved and watch junior play their beloved soccer game every week in the Fall season. I use soccer for an example, but it could be basketball, track, football, gymnastics, or any other event, too. Your potential partner is considering this when you tell them "My child comes first" and then follow it with "Taking little Jimmy to soccer games...". While it is easy to get ticked at the man or woman who doesn't want to do that and label them selfish, consider that every dating activity is a CHOICE and maybe it isn't selfish and non-supportive, at all. It is just personal preference of how we wish to spend our life.

4. Pre-teen children become teenage children.

For anyone who has raised teenagers, with their selfish, outrageous hormone-driven behavior, both parents and non-parents alike often proclaim the challenges of these difficult years. I remember my own father laying awake at night, worrying about my brother or me when we stayed out late doing God-only-knew-what, at least as far as Dad was concerned. Teenagers cause their parents a bit of stress, which might factor into the equation in your partner's head when they're considering dating you. For example, a partner may consider any time they see a problem with authorities in your child's behavior and wonder "Would I get a bill from the fire or police department for damage caused by this kid?" Marriage is a "community property" deal. Most dating partners know this and many may not want to increase their liability in raising a child simply to date you.

5. Your time is not your own.

I've seen this message driven home harshly, when I was on a date with a woman who mothered a 13-year-old daughter who demanded more than I could imagine. It was our third date. Her daughter called her five times during one hour with me while she was at my house for dinner. That was also our last date. Do you really think it mattered to me what her daughter was calling about? It was rude to me, for sure, for the mother to continually answer those phone calls. It wasn't an emergency. It was a problem with respect and setting proper boundaries. What did I read out of it: RED FLAG - trouble ahead. Wind the clock forward three years and guess what? The kid is giving the mother a lot worse trouble now!

Your partner is watching behavior by your child. Yes, they're paying attention to what your kid does. But, guess what? They're also watching what YOU do. When your child demands time from you when you ought to be focused on your date, this is a detriment to dating you - especially when you're not honoring your clear boundaries. Not only that, but many single parents only have about four (that's right, FOUR) nights a month without children. If they have the kids all the time or the common "every-other-weekend" arrangement with the ex, then they don't have much time for their partner on a one-on-one basis. That means only four to six nights a month to be INTIMATE without worrying about if the children will hear you make love or whatever. If your partner enjoys intimacy more than this, dating you (and your children) might be a challenge.

6. More mouths to feed, clothes to buy, college institution fees to pay, cars to buy.

Children are expensive. Your partner might be considering the cost of feeding and paying for you AND your children and deciding that it will just be too costly. Can you really get mad at them for considering the practical reality that raising children isn't cheap?

7. Being a successful step-parent is largely dependent upon you.

Not only that, but there's multiple personalities to balance. Most single parents really have their hands full. Really, I mean it and I have tremendous respect for any parent trying to bring home the bacon, cook the meals, keep an organized and harmonious household, AND be a hot and sexy dating partner. It's hard to pull off being a stellar single parent. I think it is critical that the parent involve the new partner in a step role when it is appropriate (not too early) and yet also they MUST set fair-play ground rules with their children. I've seen this handled well about 10% of the time, and poorly 90% of the time. While I don't say I'm an expert as a step-parent, I can bet that many people who've dated others with kids have seen this, too, and might just consider it a low-odds scenario. When we date others, we're looking for high odds. It is hard enough to date someone successfully when there's just two people involved, let alone three, four, or more.

Now, while there are challenges in being a single parent, there ARE solutions to these concerns. From my experience, and suggestions from experts I've studied over the past couple of years, I can suggest trying the following to minimize the challenges of dating as a single parent:

How to make it easier to date when you have children:

1. Put your partner first and establish clear boundaries for time you dedicate to them.

Many single parents do a poor job with setting and establishing boundaries with their children and their new dating partner. Don't make that mistake. Instead, establish the boundary up front and hold to those boundaries firmly. Be consistent! Make sure there are rewards for successful honoring and reprimands for breaking your boundaries and always follow through consistently with getting what you truly want from your children. Put God first, your partner second, and your kids third, and you'll create a more harmonious household for all of the parties involved.

2. Resolve deep troubles before dating anyone.

Even though your child may be sweet and loving to you, the behavior problems that already exist with you get worse when you introduce someone new. If you see a repeated problem with your child (a) showing defiant behavior and not minding adults, (b) exhibiting destructive patterns (verbal abuse, hitting others, wrecking possessions, etc.), (c) not respecting boundaries, then investigate ways to learn to deal with defiant behavior, resolving conflict in destructive behavior, and respecting boundaries before bringing in a new partner. If you can't get your child to respect you, how can you expect your partner to fare any better?

3. Have your own life, too.

Try not to create a lifestyle completely wrapped around your children. What's the solution? Creating a life of your own. It is important for you to maintain your own life as much as it is to be a parent. If you don't have time for a sitter established, and if you don't have time designated as your own, you're likely going to run into problems with managing a dating lifestyle. Establish time respect prior to any new relationship and your children won't freak out as much when you introduce someone new into their life, because they're already used to you doing your own thing sometimes. Make sure your children always respect your time and don't interrupt it with phone calls, text messages, or barging into your room unannounced. If you respect your time, they will start to respect you more, too.

4. Practice sound financial judgment.

If you're running into credit card problems or other types of debt issues, you're creating a problem for your partner to fix. Don't be a victim! Instead, be someone who empowers you and your children to a better lifestyle. Invest in your children's college education BEFORE you need it (start when they are born). Put money aside for your children's clothing, medical, and transportation needs so that your partner isn't burdened with these things. That way, you're entering the relationship empowered, healthy, and without any additional burden to your partner. If you can accomplish financial strength, you'll be a catch rather than a possible liability.

5. Encourage positive interactions between your children and other adults.

As much as children can cause concern, they can also be a true JOY to be around. I've seen some children who are so well-behaved, sweet, and kind to others they make me yearn for more children of my own. Do your children do this? If so, you're on the right path! If your partner can see themselves gaining through the interaction with your children, instead of losing their path, you're likely to create a much more harmonious environment for ALL of you.

6. Respect ANY and ALL positive interactions with your partner in a step role.

I've been in situations where it was expected and demanded that I accept children, share, and involve the kids in my life and get involved in their life, too. I've also been in situations where my accepting the child wasn't appreciated very much. Instead, I felt judged for ways I didn't match the mother's expectations. Try to minimize judgment and maximize positive support. It is healthiest when you recognize that all interaction from your partner with your child is not an expectation but rather a CHOICE. Make sure you make the request but allow it to be your partner's choice exactly how much they want to get involved in your child's life. When they do get involved, show them appreciation for the things they do well. It will matter to them and help reinforce the positive interaction that builds more love between everyone if you do show appreciation for the positive interactions.

As much as children can make it harder to date, if you establish your boundaries, create an environment that is loving, supportive, fun, and about EVERY person's needs, not just the children, you're so much more likely to attract people to you who love children and want them in their life. Personally, any woman who had children, but they were cute, behaved well, and respected both of us would be a blessing, not baggage. So, take the steps to make sure you can date more easily through building a healthy and functional relationship with your children, starting today!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Letting Go Of Dysfunctional Relationships

Have you ever wondered whether or not to remain friends with certain people?

Well, you may know that I DO maintain a huge network of friends and associates. My circle of closest friends and associates is held to a short-list of desired traits and qualities. I only keep people in that circle who support certain principles. If a friend starts to exhibit less-desired traits and qualities, or fails to support these principles, after a period of prolonged and sustained behavior that no longer fits my list, I cut them out of my life.

It may seem harshly simple, but I view it quite a bit like how sales leaders view their sales team: If you keep dead weight on the tree, it is difficult to bear healthy fruit. I've seen sales managers fire salespeople who weren't performing for months on end because they felt those salespeople would hinder the performance of the team. It is much the same with our interpersonal relationships.

Do you have a list of traits and standards for your inner circle?

My own list of desires attributes, traits and standards for my friendship circle includes the following guidelines:

1. They support my highest good.
2. I can support their highest good.
3. They add value to my life and I add value to theirs.
4. They posses values I seek: generally loving, artistic, fun, smart, and spiritually healthy.
5. They maintain healthy communication with me.
6. They are loving, positive, and generally supportive and happy to be with me.

There are times when certain friends fail to stop meeting this list. When this happens, I take proactive steps to 86 the friend who doesn't meet my standards. I think this is a positive thing to do. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't usually write them "Hey, you're not my friend anymore." I only do that when someone had communicated they'd "always be there" but then made a consistent practice of being rather rude to me, and I wanted to make it clear that their behavior was unacceptable as a friend. Otherwise, I just move on.

A computer crash and cell phone hard reset dump - a gift from angels?

If you ever have a problem with your computer or cell phone, this is actually an excellent time to review your criteria for friendships and make sure your inner circle is healthy and supporting you the best you deserve.

I've recently had my cell phone crash and a computer virus destroy my database of contacts on my cell phone. I had the option to reload the cell phone with all my old numbers, but chose instead only to put in the current "active" friends with whom I've spoken and who met my list of standards over the past year. This created a much shorter cell phone database directory and allowed much more space for new growth in friendships.

Questions to ponder regarding your own inner circle of friendships:

Have you recently performed housecleaning on your Rolodex of closest friends?
Are any relationships clinging to you that block new love?
Are all of your friendships supporting your highest good?
Can you support their highest good?
Are they communicating in a healthy way with you?
Are they exhibiting the traits you wish to emulate and attract in your life?
Are they all loving, positive, and generally supportive and happy to be with you?

If not, consider scrubbing them out of your database and creating room in your life for people who bring about "yes" answers to these questions. Perhaps you need to create your own list of attributes, traits, and standards for your own friendships. I encourage you to do so.

Now, when releasing someone who no longer supports you the way you prefer, always show love, gratitude, and respect for them in parting ways. If you don't want the confrontation, just stop calling, sending text or instant messages, emailing, or visiting - it sends a strong message they will likely understand. When friends stop calling me or returning my emails, I remove them from my database of inner friendship circle. I'm sure others would do that with you, too. There is no way to maintain a relationship without healthy, regular, two-way interaction.

You will find that by maintaining a healthy inner circle of friends that you will produce more "fruit" in your interactions with people in your life. Always be grateful for the inner circle of friends who love and support you. Maintain a healthy "friendship tree" and you'll bear more healthy fruit from your relationships year after year.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Don't Let The Media Determine Your State

I've noticed many people talking about the news. No, not just talking about the news, but making MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS based upon information they receive in the news.

For example, how many of you have recently read headlines like this:

Foreclosures soar over last year...

Gas prices spike in time for vacation season...

Debt spiralling out of control...

Sound familiar?

I just finished reading an article talking about how foreclosures set a modern record (since 1979) but then read the statistics:

"The latest snapshot of the mortgage market, released Thursday, showed that the proportion of mortgages that fell into foreclosure soared to 0.99 percent in the January-through-March period. That surpassed the previous high of 0.83 percent over the last three months in 2007."

"The delinquency rate jumped to 6.35 percent in the first quarter, compared with 5.82 percent for the three months earlier. Payments are considered delinquent if they are 30 or more days past due."1

Notice what's going on here? The change in rates or percentages, in each case, is LESS THAN 1%! Sure, foreclosures are higher, but that is to be expected when housing prices were inflated above their value.

But if you make your decision to buy based upon negative information, you might miss out on an opportunity. For example, your dream home may be up for sale due to foreclosure, which would be a GOOD thing, not a bad thing.

Another part of the economy I've seen people freak out about is gas prices. Sure, gas prices are higher this holiday season. But, guess what? They're higher EVERY holiday season. The petroleum industry and the people who serve up the black gold into our automobiles love to jack the rates when they know the kids are out of school and we can take a vacation. It's been this way for YEARS. The rates are ALWAYS higher when people use their cars more. I've also noticed at two gas stations that they tend to raise their prices higher on Friday - Sunday than Monday through Thursday. So, I pump up on those days more than over the weekend.

If you get too fed up, you can sell that mammoth SUV and drive a smaller car for a while. That's what people did in the 1970's. But the real trend we ought to track is year-over-year data, not month-to-month or quarter-to-quarter. If we see major hikes year-over-year, especially hikes higher than the national price increase average, then we ought to raise an eyebrow.

So, keep the news in perspective. Don't let the news determine whether you will vacation. You need a vacation if you work hard, like I do! Continue to live your life and dreams and do not let the news create a "lack" mentality in your mind. If you're a person who manifests, you need to have an outlook of positive attraction and ability to do what you want no matter what news is being reported on TV, on the Net, or in papers.

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1 news article sources quotes by AP - "Home foreclosures set record in first quarter"

By JEANNINE AVERSA (AP Economics Writer) From Associated Press

June 05, 2008 12:23 PM EDT

Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

When Friends Go Their Own Way

What causes friends to pull back and stop reaching out to us?

In the past, I've pulled away from certain friends. You've probably experienced friends pulling away from you, too. Friends come and go in a natural ebb and flow but sometimes friends pull away because they have fulfilled your purpose in their life. Other times, they pull away because they are busy with a new job, a new relationship, or other activities. They might be distant because of new activities within their household, such as events for their children. Or, they might be pulling away because they're in a pity party.

I've seen friends get hurt, because they felt you didn't do what they wanted. But their expectation doesn't have to match your reality, does it? So, even though you didn't say or do what they wanted, this doesn't make you necessarily bad or wrong. It just means there was a disconnect in expectation and result. One of my closest friends stepped back for about 3 months after living on my couch for a few months. I'd asked him to pay rent and tensions grew until he decided to leave. At first, he acted angry with me. That was his choice. But, the fact of the matter is I'd done him a favor, but further enabling him not getting his act together wasn't serving either of us in our friendship. I held strong, and later extended an olive branch to let him know I'm still his friend. Today, he got his act together, has his own place, and is now saving up for a new car, too! Yesterday, we hung out for a bit, and watched the sea together for a little while during conversation. It is nice to have friendships where you can just talk, listen, and be real with each other. So, the natural give and take, when restored to a healthy balance, restores friendship.

Recently, another friend withdrew. I believe she felt hurt by several things and perhaps just frustrated how we communicated. So, she pulled back. It's normal human behavior when communication give and take breaks down.

As I write this article, it becomes clear to me that give and take is really what this is all about.

People may need something from us, so they reach out to us. Other times, they feel we've taken enough from them, so they pull away, or, they've taken enough, and would feel guilty to take more without repaying the favor, so they pull away then, too. It's all about the natural balance of give and take and the flow of life where we can benefit from being around each other.

Are you trapped in a "pity party"? If so, your friends may have pulled away from you because you're a downer. Being around downers is like being around energy vampires - you're taking from them! Work on releasing the resentment, guilt, and loser attitude by focusing on new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that create the life you most desire. When people see you succeeding in manifesting your dreams, you'll attract more (and often better) influences back into your life! Once you're no longer sucking someone's energy, you'll find it easier to attract more of what you do want back to you.

If you're withdrawing because life has overwhelmed you, remember that at some point, connecting with others is part of what helps us remain balanced. Take your time to withdraw. Then, once you feel healthy, grounded in your self, and rooted firmly on your own two feet, come back into the world of social interaction.

Life is so exciting when we expand our circles to include abundant, healthy, happy, and exciting people. Is your circle of friends what you want?

I know one person who claims to want to be in a committed relationship. Yet, half of her friends are single women who hate men. What are the odds she will realize her objective with all of these negative influences poisoning her mind? Right- probably not very high.

I know another friend who claims to want financial abundance. Yet, half of his friends struggle to just pay rent. What are the odds he will realize his objective with all of these people who don't know how to attract abundance weighing on him with their "lack" attitudes? Again, probably not very high.

Another friend often tells me she is lonely. Yes, each time I've invited her out to various events I attend, she only takes me up on it about a fifth of the time. Most times, I find out she stayed at home with her dog. Do you think maybe she is choosing her loneliness? I keep offering her a chance to go out and have fun. It is up to her to accept to live life again with all fullness and gusto, right?

Choose your friends wisely. If someone does not match the qualities you want in a friend, let them go. Send out the vibe of what you DO want and then take action towards that objective. I recently did this with my Facebook account (see scott at aspirenow dot com on Facebook to add me). I decided that I want to be friends with everyone who was in the movie "The Secret" because I believe these people have a firm foundation of how to manifest what they want in life. The first who accepted my request to add was John Assaraf. I loved John's story about his vision board in the movie, and after adding him as a friend decided to add any of John's friends who looked like they were happy with positive light in their picture. That's right, I made choices just based upon pictures. Well, guess what? This connection has now led me to be closely associated with Richard Branson, the CEO of Virgin Airlines! I love larger than life people like Richard, and can't wait to get to know him better.

So, don't worry about the sense of loss you felt when friends went their own way. Sometimes, it really is for the best for all of you. They are free to do what they want, anyway. If you let them go (with love) it is likely they will come back when they are ready (in love).

Focus on what you want, then seek out the people who exhibit those qualities. You can take it to the bank that as you attract people who are happy, fulfilled, manifesting their dreams, successful, and empowered, that your life will be more empowered, too.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Creative Ways To Grow

Are you feeling stagnated, bored, or otherwise like your life might need a jump-start? This concern can occur from time-to-time. When it does, I find that embracing creative ways to grow can initiate new excitement, growth, and ventures that will lead to future success.

An excellent way to get your life-force flowing again is to unleash the creative being within you.

Here are a few ways you might consider utilizing creative ways to grow over the next month:

1. Write a poem. When was the last time you wrote a poem? Poetry is an expression almost anyone can attempt, and you might be surprised at who will be touched by your poems. Share them with others, and focus on conveying the EMOTIONS, IDEAS, and IMAGES you wish people to picture or feel through your words.

2. Write a song. If you're a musician, you can write a song. Actually, even if you ARE NOT a musician, you can still write a song. Can you sing? Can you hum notes out loud? Well, then you can write a song. That's how I write 30% of the songs I write! Yeah, I'm a musician, but still, if I can do it, so can many other people. All songs, just as poems, stories, paintings, or other creative things, start with an initial idea or stroke of the voice, pen, or brush.

3. Paint something. Get some water colors or acrylic paints and a canvas and play with matching paints. You can go to the bookstore and read a couple of books about how to blend colors and strokes to learn how to "brush-stroke" what you want to convey. I had tons of fun playing with paints just a year ago at a friend's art gallery. You'd be surprised what comes out when you put paint on a canvass.

4. Try thinking of a new way of doing what you already do now. This creative gift can be done in ANY profession. Even the professions that are not known for being particularly "creative" such as accounting, legal practice, or dentistry can find new ways of doing routine tasks and perhaps discover a "breakthrough" in practice. Perhaps try a new way to write something, or change a process to add an extra element of customer service, operational efficiency, or more clarity in our job functions. Even these subtle changes in our work-flow can lead to more creativity and open new doors to success.

5. Play an instrument. For me, this is natural. I play the saxophone, tambourine, shakers, piano, and I've been learning the bass guitar and bongo drums. I've been going out every time someone invites me to play and just trying to "feel" their vibe and play in a way that blends with the other musicians. Even if you're not that accomplished, it can be fun to pick up an instrument, put on a CD or song on the radio, and try to pick out a "part" by another instrument and play along. This is the way I trained my ear to be able to play live and spontaneously, so I know anyone else can do it, too.

6. Dance a new dance. I've been totally enjoying Salsa Dancing lately. If you've always had a desire to be a better lead or follow, why not sign up for a class or two? What I've noticed is that you have to keep going to get good at it. It wasn't until after about 12 lessons that I felt competent enough to get out on the dance floor without feeling insecure, so when you engage in a new dance, commit to a few months, okay? It's worth the commitment and totally fun when you start dancing better!

7. Move in new ways. Have you explored the ways your body can move? Natural body movement is something we sometimes forget is a gift of the human experience. When you feel pain, it may be a sign that development of muscle is needed. Or, if you feel a part of your body, and respond to that, you may find new creative ways to express yourself. This type of movement is exemplified in Yoga, Meditation, and other holistic movement. Another way to be creative with movement is to try talking more with your hands and use physical gestures to say what you mean when talking with other people. If you're used to communicating just with words and tone, use your whole body to say things and see if people understand you better and if you become more dynamic!

8. Design a more creative space for your living or work space. Sometimes, it can inspire creativity to simply change how we're working. Maybe by moving (or getting rid of) a desk, a cabinet, a printer, computer, or other art around on the wall we can find new ways of expressing our living and work space to inspire more creativity. I remember at Google's headquarters, where they had beanbag chairs and lava lamps in their lobby to express their creativity. It definitely felt different than HP's headquarters! Mix it up and see if this inspires you to new ideas.

I'm sure you'll get a few more ways to be creative as you start to implement an idea or two off of this list. I've actually implemented about half of these in the past month and find all kinds of spark for new ideas and creativity occurring in my life. Embracing your creativity is a natural way to challenge yourself, build upon your foundation, break away from convention, and establish new paths towards an exciting future. Enjoy the journey!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Who Is Captain Of Your Ship?

I've surrendered my life to a higher power. Have you?

The reason I did this is because whenever I've grabbed the wheel and tried to direct my life with my own short-sighted Ego, it seems I steer into an iceberg. Sometimes, just as with the Titanic, I don't realize how much a mucky mess I've made of things until hours, days, or months later. And, usually, just as with the Titanic, the aftermath leaves me feeling a bit less whole than when I started that journey.

There's a better way, though, than trying to captain our own ship through life. Do you know what it is?

There's a higher power awaiting each of us. It is the force some call God, others Christ, others Spirit, but whatever you want to call him he is there all the time, always available, and always accessible to tap into.

Q: How do we tap into the higher source of conscious energy in the Universe?

A: Through active prayer and surrender.

I know this sounds like a "religious" response, but really, it isn't about religion (man-made dogmatic code) but rather Universal truth based upon the laws of the Universe. I find that whenever I "surrender" my will to God's will (or Spirit's will) that I tap into that source. It is a process of forgiveness, by turning over our inadequacies, that the Christians call "The Good News" or Gospel - that you can be born again through Christ Jesus by surrendering your life to him. The Buddhists, and other religions, offer similar mantras; however, I find in my personal journey that Christ is the most powerful figure to access the source of infinite power called God. Why? Because Christ offers the path. Christ is the "light" we see at the end of the tunnel when we pass away. Christ is the figure who stands at the door knocking at our heart, waiting for us to open to receive the gift of life. Are you willing to accept what he has to offer?

The gift of true life is not fraught with the pain and sorrow of the human condition. In the spirit world, pain does not register as it does in the human condition. Christ removes this pain and replaces it with love, hope, light, and new life!

I was reminded of all these things yesterday, at my Aunt Katie's funeral. I thought about where she is heading and my dear friend, Travis Evans, shared a story that touched me. Travis is a fisherman who is still fishing, even in his 80's! He said, "You know, there are times when I've heard a story about a boat that left the shore, and people thought they could no longer see it. They thought 'Oh, we've lost them.' This is sometimes a concern amongst seafaring vessels. What we forget is that sometimes, while we're thinking 'They're gone!" there are other people on a distant bank, awaiting this same dear person, saying 'Here they are!!'" I think that is the way it is, today, with Aunt Katie. While we grieve her passing, she is greeted on the other side by those awaiting her! How exciting it must be for her!

Are you clinging to Ego, trying to make life work, feeling battered and beaten by life?

There's a better way: Surrender. The life we live, right now, stands to improve markedly when we put Christ at the helm, and our Ego second. This is the best path I've discovered to live life in the most complete and full way. Surrender your will to God's will, and see if your life doesn't take a turn for the better.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Get A Natal Chart Reading on the AspireNow Show

Get A Free Natal Chart Reading, with Benjamin Berstein, Astrologer on the AspireNow Radio Show

Join Scott Andrews, Host of the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio Show this Tuesday, June 3rd, at 5PM PST / 8PM EST with special guest Benjamin Bernstein, astrologer at both http://www.itsallgoodastrology.com/ and http://www.aspirenow.com/.

To Call In: Dial (724) 444-7444.
Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 #
or your Talkshoe PIN

Topic: FREE Natal Chart Readings!

Learn about career, life choices, and relationships through natal chart astrological projections with the host of the top-rated iTunes podcast on Astrology, Benjamin Bernstein, from It's All Good Astrology and the AspireNow AstroGuide.

Call in to ask Benjamin questions and get a free reading!

The show is broadcast live online and via telephone Tuesday night from 5PM PST - 6PM PST.
Learn ways to maximize your relationships with insights from one a knowledgable, fun, and exciting astrologer. Benjamin's shows are always interactive and highly involved, so mark your calendar to join us: It's simple and easy to join in!

When: Tuesday, June 3, 2008, 5PM PST (1 hour Internet Talk Radio Show)

How to Participate:

1. Visit http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792 - this enables you to text questions and see questions/live chat during the show, and hear Scott & Benjamin on the show.

2. Dial (724) 444-74443. Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 # or your Talkshoe PIN.

Note: You can also download Talkshoe's Classic player to use the "Classic" version of the show format for text comments and show hosting, although this step is no longer necessary to join.

If you MISS the show, visit http://www.aspirenow.com/ and listen via the Talkshow player, or visit: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792.

Also, make sure to click the "follow the show" box if you're listening from the TalkShoe link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792. See you there!!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.