Thursday, June 5, 2008

When Friends Go Their Own Way

What causes friends to pull back and stop reaching out to us?

In the past, I've pulled away from certain friends. You've probably experienced friends pulling away from you, too. Friends come and go in a natural ebb and flow but sometimes friends pull away because they have fulfilled your purpose in their life. Other times, they pull away because they are busy with a new job, a new relationship, or other activities. They might be distant because of new activities within their household, such as events for their children. Or, they might be pulling away because they're in a pity party.

I've seen friends get hurt, because they felt you didn't do what they wanted. But their expectation doesn't have to match your reality, does it? So, even though you didn't say or do what they wanted, this doesn't make you necessarily bad or wrong. It just means there was a disconnect in expectation and result. One of my closest friends stepped back for about 3 months after living on my couch for a few months. I'd asked him to pay rent and tensions grew until he decided to leave. At first, he acted angry with me. That was his choice. But, the fact of the matter is I'd done him a favor, but further enabling him not getting his act together wasn't serving either of us in our friendship. I held strong, and later extended an olive branch to let him know I'm still his friend. Today, he got his act together, has his own place, and is now saving up for a new car, too! Yesterday, we hung out for a bit, and watched the sea together for a little while during conversation. It is nice to have friendships where you can just talk, listen, and be real with each other. So, the natural give and take, when restored to a healthy balance, restores friendship.

Recently, another friend withdrew. I believe she felt hurt by several things and perhaps just frustrated how we communicated. So, she pulled back. It's normal human behavior when communication give and take breaks down.

As I write this article, it becomes clear to me that give and take is really what this is all about.

People may need something from us, so they reach out to us. Other times, they feel we've taken enough from them, so they pull away, or, they've taken enough, and would feel guilty to take more without repaying the favor, so they pull away then, too. It's all about the natural balance of give and take and the flow of life where we can benefit from being around each other.

Are you trapped in a "pity party"? If so, your friends may have pulled away from you because you're a downer. Being around downers is like being around energy vampires - you're taking from them! Work on releasing the resentment, guilt, and loser attitude by focusing on new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that create the life you most desire. When people see you succeeding in manifesting your dreams, you'll attract more (and often better) influences back into your life! Once you're no longer sucking someone's energy, you'll find it easier to attract more of what you do want back to you.

If you're withdrawing because life has overwhelmed you, remember that at some point, connecting with others is part of what helps us remain balanced. Take your time to withdraw. Then, once you feel healthy, grounded in your self, and rooted firmly on your own two feet, come back into the world of social interaction.

Life is so exciting when we expand our circles to include abundant, healthy, happy, and exciting people. Is your circle of friends what you want?

I know one person who claims to want to be in a committed relationship. Yet, half of her friends are single women who hate men. What are the odds she will realize her objective with all of these negative influences poisoning her mind? Right- probably not very high.

I know another friend who claims to want financial abundance. Yet, half of his friends struggle to just pay rent. What are the odds he will realize his objective with all of these people who don't know how to attract abundance weighing on him with their "lack" attitudes? Again, probably not very high.

Another friend often tells me she is lonely. Yes, each time I've invited her out to various events I attend, she only takes me up on it about a fifth of the time. Most times, I find out she stayed at home with her dog. Do you think maybe she is choosing her loneliness? I keep offering her a chance to go out and have fun. It is up to her to accept to live life again with all fullness and gusto, right?

Choose your friends wisely. If someone does not match the qualities you want in a friend, let them go. Send out the vibe of what you DO want and then take action towards that objective. I recently did this with my Facebook account (see scott at aspirenow dot com on Facebook to add me). I decided that I want to be friends with everyone who was in the movie "The Secret" because I believe these people have a firm foundation of how to manifest what they want in life. The first who accepted my request to add was John Assaraf. I loved John's story about his vision board in the movie, and after adding him as a friend decided to add any of John's friends who looked like they were happy with positive light in their picture. That's right, I made choices just based upon pictures. Well, guess what? This connection has now led me to be closely associated with Richard Branson, the CEO of Virgin Airlines! I love larger than life people like Richard, and can't wait to get to know him better.

So, don't worry about the sense of loss you felt when friends went their own way. Sometimes, it really is for the best for all of you. They are free to do what they want, anyway. If you let them go (with love) it is likely they will come back when they are ready (in love).

Focus on what you want, then seek out the people who exhibit those qualities. You can take it to the bank that as you attract people who are happy, fulfilled, manifesting their dreams, successful, and empowered, that your life will be more empowered, too.

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