Worship and Gratitude: The Alpha and Omega of Happiness

If you examine how the most successful people in the world become successful and how those the most happy people find their happiness, you may notice these people are those who maintain a rich and deep connection to their creator and express gratitude each and every day.

Now, I know some of you who read AspireNow are probably Atheist. And, you know, what? That's okay with me. You may say you don't believe and that is your choice. And, as you know, I rarely get on a soapbox and preach. Today is no exception. But I will ask you: "Do you want to be happy?" Because if you want happiness, everything I've studied leads me to these two qualities: worship and gratitude.

I am not on a soapbox. I will simply state what I, myself, believe to be true. I believe that Worship and Gratitude are the Alpha and Omega of HAPPINESS.

My parents have a plaque on their wall that always struck me as especially wise. It reads:

"A family that prays together, stays together."

The state of prayer is one of communication with our God. To me, our God is one. The "Christ-consciousness" is only shone to us through the angel those with near death experiences report - the white light. But works of nature and the Universe abound all around us. I love both the simple and elegantly complex nature of life. I am in awe of things like: a sunrise... the birth of a baby... a sunset... the stars... our sun... and the power of prayer.

In my book I am publishing about "Using Solomon's Wisdom to Build a Kingdom," I maintain 10 basic tenets that Solomon created and followed to build a kingdom. He started by asking God for WISDOM. He aligned himself with his maker and started from that place. He maintained worship as a vital part of his rulership and was considered the wisest man who ever lived. Could this be connected? I believe it is. Solomon's kingdom and influence ended up the largest his people ever experienced.

A path to abundance is one that begins in service, and one that begins by submitting our will to God's will. Because God has greater plans for us than we can imagine! My own path and my will focused my efforts on being a salesperson for a large corporation, then a manager for corporations. This influenced a few dozen people directly, and perhaps more indirectly. God's will has me writing books and speaking in ways that influence the lives of MILLIONS. Can you see what I mean? It isn't all about money, but when you influence millions you usually have more value in the world than if you influence dozens, would you not agree?

Worship of GOD begins by submitting to God. Worship and Wisdom, therefore, are uniquely linked as the paradoxical moment when we begin to manifest a larger vision for life.

In addition, you will notice people who are amazingly successful are very GRATEFUL. They express their gratitude to people they love, and those they just meet.

I am so GRATEFUL for YOU, right now!

See, because it is one thing to become "empowered" with the wisdom and vision that we may manifest God inside us. It is another thing to realize that FEAR and RESENTMENT block LOVE and hold us back, and even more to realize that FORGIVENESS and LOVE propel and lift our plane of life energy into the clouds. But it is another thing altogether to recognize that GRATITUDE is the key to BLAST OFF into the stratosphere of realizing our dreams! And this, my friend, is true.

Are you ready to blast off? Start showing gratitude everywhere you go! Laugh, smile, and let people know you love them and are grateful for their presence in your life.

Just as worship is the alpha; or, the beginning, gratitude is the omega; where it ends: the missing link to discover happiness.

Think about it.... if you can live a life filled with wisdom, filled with love, where fear has no place, and let go of all resentment through forgiveness and acceptance, and then are grateful for the blessings that come your way... is that not a life of abundance?

This is what AspireNow is all about. I encourage you to live that life of abundance. I can show you what I learn on my own journey. It is up to you if you wish to pick up the seeds of life sprinkled throughout these pages and say, "Yes, I want to plant these seeds in my garden." If you do, hopefully my articles will help, along with wisdom you receive from other friends, and other people and events will come your way to guide you and help water that garden, so these seeds turn into strong and powerful plants, trees, and eventually new life that you share with those around you.

I encourage it, I pray for it, I am grateful for the opportunity to help make it so for you.

May you integrate worship and gratitude as a regular part of your life activity and see if the beginning and end of happiness are not present for each and every day.

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How to Cope With Pressure

In our lives, we often face moments of pressure. This pressure may take form in several types of challenge(s):

1. Lack of financial resources to cope with expenses.
2. A decline in health which lowers our physical vitality.
3. Limited time to accomplish a large number of tasks.
4. Lack of a partner to help us accomplish our mission.
5. Other...

At the time when we feel pressure, you may notice your own "fight or flight" responses kicking in. You might feel a sense of worry. Perhaps you may shut down entirely, unable to cope as you normally cope. You may not feel able to tackle the challenges of the world. At a time like this, the pressure then grows, rather than reduces.

I write this article to offer some simple and proven methods to cope with pressure more effectively.

If your pressure is at work, you might consider coping by doing the following:

• Focus on what is most important right now.
• Reduce pressure from computer tasks by taking breaks every hour.
• Organize your desk to better cope with tasks.
• Make sure to get time away from work to retain a sense of balance.

If your pressure is at home, consider coping with that pressure by:

• Cleaning up your living space.
• Organizing your living space.
• Simplifying and/or eliminating clutter.
• Asking children to take part in helping out.

You may notice that in both home and work situations, I suggested to organize and clean up your space. This is because we often let our space become messy and disorganized when we face high stress. This clutter increases the tension and makes it harder to succeed. By organizing our work space, we can work more effectively, whether at office or home.

In addition, I suggest you make time for exercise. When you feel pressure, your body may need exercise to release toxin and replenish healthy cells. Half of back pain may be cured simply through better oxygen flow through the body. So, if your challenge is health-related, consider ways to oxygenate your system (water, exercise, stretching, dancing, playing music, eating healthier, vitamin supplements, air, sunshine, etc.).

Make sure you breath in healthy air. If you breath healthy air, you can think better. Eat at regular times, smaller meals, throughout the day. This helps balance your system.

Last, tackle the objectives that will most likely reduce the pressure the most. For example, if the pressure on you feels like a financial challenge, consider what ways you can quickly pump more financial resources through your account to better handle these challenges. For me, that might be offering a new workshop or speaking in more places. What ways do you create financial freedom? Focus on the activities that give you the freedom you need and your pressure will be relieved.

Remember this above all else: almost all worry is unnecessary. If you instead focus on what you CAN DO in this moment, RIGHT NOW, you can relieve pressure and cope with the challenges at hand, almost every single time. I encourage you to do so, starting this very moment!

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How To Be Happy

Have you ever asked "how do I become happy?"

Do you often experience times when you are sad, lacking fulfillment, or simply seeking more purpose? I've pondered this question over the past ten years and discovered a process to help me reconnect with my own happiness to be a happy person that, frankly, works better than any antidepressant medical doctors can prescribe.

How WE Can Be Happy People:

Most people agree that there is either (a) a creator who created this Earth who is an infinite being and omniscient (often referred to as "God") or (b) an energy in science that runs through all things that causes all mystery and things to be connected (quantum physics). For the sake of this article, let's just call both of these energies the SAME energy, or "God" consciousness. Although I recognize other people's choices in deciding to call energy or science "God" or even to call themselves "atheists" who don't believe in any God at all, I find that at the crux of my own happiness is a faith in such a divine being. I also find my own path to happiness is usually connected with finding ways to connect with that source of power. If you can find faith in God, you will typically begin discovering happiness, or light, from whatever darkness you might be experiencing. Just as our eyes must adjust to the sun when we emerge from a tunnel underground, it may take a little time to adjust to the light. After you blink a little, you can see the brilliant colors all around you! In fact, your greatest happiness may follow the deepest trials and tribulations. But this energy is all around you, at all times. Faith in that energy is the first step on the path to happiness.

This "God" energy is everywhere. It is omniscient.

This energy is both the light and the darkness - it comprises the whole of everything. This concept of both side comprising the whole is an Eastern thought - in Western religion, we've been told that these two energies are separate. But in my opinion, the Eastern viewpoint is much more in alignment with the nature of how things actually WORK in the world. In order to have energy flow through our electric current that supplies light in our households, we need both a positive and negative terminal. This is also proven by a simple Duracell battery, with the + and - terminals. Our own bodies have positive and negative energy flow. The light and dark are required for a full day on Earth. Even in basic elements of life energy, there is a positive and negative, but they are both required in order for the ENERGY to flow.

Take positive WITHOUT the negative, there is no flow of energy. Therefore, both are required elements. Within each person is a light and a dark side. When we embrace both sides of our self, we are more complete and the love energy within us may flow more fully.

Let's also consider that this energy is ALIVE. Not only alive, but that one word: LOVE, can be used to define it. Therefore, our life form is comprised of LOVE. God is LOVE. We are at ONE with GOD when we focus our energy on LOVE.

In Algebra, we are taught that if A = B, and if B = C, then A = C.

Applying Algebra to LIFE, consider this:

If GOD is LOVE, and if GOD is EVERYWHERE, then LOVE is EVERYWHERE.

That means no matter what life currently holds for you, love is all around you. Whether you are happy or sad, love is right next door to you. If you are feeling fulfilled or lacking, either way, love is right next to you. Love is around you whether you're seeing it or not. Love is actually WITHIN you even when you are unaware of it, too.

Consider this equation again as a possible formula for the Meaning of Life: if GOD is LOVE, and if GOD is EVERYWHERE, then LOVE is EVERYWHERE.

If love is all around you, and you, yourself, are filled with love, then you are connected with and can connect to that love. Embrace that love and happiness is immediately yours to discover. This is the secret meaning of life so many grapple for years to discover.

1. Connect with the source.

What are ways to connect to the love around us? I'll share a few ideas with you.

• Meditation. Meditating is focused intention of quieting our "chatter" mind so that we might HEAR more clearly and in a more profound way. Find a way to get yourself quiet and then listen. Meditating and breathing allows the energy to flow through the natural chakra source in our body.
• Walking (playing) in nature. Go into a garden. Go for a walk on the beach at the ocean or at a lake or river. Hike a mountain. Walk through a field of flowers. By getting into nature, we can find the source.
• Music. Music is a form of connecting to our chakra, as well. When we play each note of the scale, we are playing each natural tone in throughout the chakra. That is why music makes us feel... to the extent that music is harmonious we will feel the connection of source through our chakra energy.
• Paint or draw in color. Each chakra location in our spiritual energy is not only a note on the scale, it is also demonstrated through color. By focusing on various colors, we can attune our body with our spirit and be one with source. Try painting your dark side or things that make you feel dark. Then paint things that make you feel happy, joyful, and vibrant. Notice the colors you use. You may experience cathartic release and connect more deeply with your spiritual source and discover happiness through that activity.
  
• Connecting with another being. When we connect with an animal or person, we can connect to the source. A friend of mine shares coaching through experiencing connection through horses. It is amazing what we can learn through an animal, or through another person. Be open to possibilities! Another friend loves her kitty cat and finds when holding a cat on her lap, with the cat purring in content happiness, she becomes more happy from the experience. What ways can you connect through animals? It is different with other human beings, but there are numerous ways to connect to spirit through other people. Whether a gentle touch of the hand, a hug, a kiss, or even more intimate gestures may lead us to happiness, as long as the readiness and willingness is present and appropriate.
• Dance or Yoga. Through movement, we are able to connect to source. It depends on the type of dancing that you do. Partner dancing is a form of connecting to another person and source simultaneously. If you are seeking connecting to source on your own, dance solo like nobody is watching. Literally, when you move your body as if dancing for the universe you will open and unlock things you had not idea were closed off. I perform at a dance tribe with my sax every couple of months called the "YUM SESSION" - I do this because it is amazing to play music that helps people connect to that source - I love to help make it happen! (This is also why I'm writing this article!)

I love playing music to help people discover happiness. In working the energy of the room, I've discovered people experience the greatest release of happiness and joy when I first play something a little outside the scale - or discombobulated - causing their energy to shift and vibrate with the dark side...which would include the use of minor scales, then shift that back to positive energy, major scales. In doing the switch from minor to MAJOR, people experience joy and release! This brings happiness through music!

2. Consider others as yourself (The Golden Rule).

This may sound basic. The Golden Rule directly helps create happiness. If you want people to reach out to you, reach out to others. If you wish to play music with others, ask them to play music with you. If you wish to create wealth, help others create wealth. happiness starts with your first thought that may benefit another. Happiness grows stronger as you speak that which you think that is beneficial for others. Then happiness manifests with your actions that match the thought and speech.

The amazing thing about life, is that you often have to give some, to get some. In dating, a man will often show up with a present for his suitor. His gift is a symbol of affection. In sustaining the human body, we eat food in the form of animals or vegetables to maintain our energy. When we don't eat, we shut down and wither away. Energy from one life form is required to get more energy for our life form. GIVING is a secret to success. Sharing with each other helps us build happiness.

I recall reading a story in How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, a book by Dale Carnegie, about a man who visited a woman who became despondent with worry and loneliness. While the man visited her, he noticed beautiful African Violets throughout her home. He suggested to her that she start to make new starts of her plants and then give them away to people in her community. When the woman passed away, hundreds of people attended her funeral. What happened to this lonely woman that she connected with so many people? Through her gifts of African Violets, she became known as the "African Violet Queen" - who touched so many people with the beautiful flowering plants for their celebrations and various life occasions. She gave love through her care with the flowering plants, and in return she received love from these people. 1

This is how life works. When we put aside our concerns over our fears and anxieties and embrace ways to love one another, our life truly rocks!

I'm not suggesting to love everyone without boundaries or without regard for "yes" or "no" - but to simply give when you have the thought to give. Reach out, connect, and share beatiful moments with each other and your life will be happier.

Spend time in nature. Embrace your artistic side. Find ways to transform from the dark side to the light through art and forms of expression. Then share your insights with others, remaining open to how others might share with you. Do all of this and watch how your happiness grows through repeat experience over time.

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1 - Carnegie, Dale. How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1984. Print.

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Life Ends Now - Are You Happy?

I watched a very inspiring movie last night called The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. Good movie with an interesting perspective about life (no, I won't spoil it here). My favorite part is when the character of Brad Pitt asked "If your life ended now, would you be happy?" He then followed that up with "If the answer to that question is 'yes', then okay, keep living the way you want!" and then "But if the answer to the question is 'no', then start over."

So, how is your life, right now? If you were to die and transition from this Earth right now, would you be happy?

Yes ________ No ________.

If your answer is YES - RIGHT ON! I love empowered people!

If your answer is NO - I'd like to ask you to immediately write down the three things you feel are missing from your life. Or, if the list is longer, take as long as you need to write your list. But do it now. Do not delay.

After you KNOW for SURE what is MISSING or NOT RIGHT I'm going to encourage you to CHANGE IT RIGHT NOW. Start a new direction towards what you want, right now. That's right, DON'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW or HOPE for a BETTER TIME. The time to make change when you don't like what is happening is right now. *

*The only exception to this is if your job sucks, you might want to make sure you get another job before leaving your existing job - especially if you're supporting a family.

Okay, now, if you've made a decision to make a difference, but you're still SCARED, I want you to email me your list. Send it to Scott [at] AspireNow (com) take out the brackets and spaces, and your email will reach me. If you're interested in coaching, let me know, and I'll hook you up. If you just want to share, indicate that. If you want feedback, please indicate that, too.

WHAT DOES LIVING HAPPILY RIGHT NOW REALLY MEAN?

If life ends now, how do we live within our truth to live on purpose and be happy with our life?

The answer is comprised between two words: perception and choices.

How we perceive our situation (predicament) and our attitude (based upon perception) may dictate how we see our possibilities and how we choose to act.

What we choose to do with our time also is what dictates our life path and happiness.

The truth comes when we follow our path and take action towards our dreams, every day. Whether your dream is to be a good golfer or swimmer, take action now towards that goal and sign up for golf lessons, buy a Jack Nicklaus golf video (helped me), or start swimming at your pool or a local pool nearest you. Or whether it is to share more joy with each person we meet, take action with each new person you meet towards that goal. Or whether that truth is to start that hobby or turn that hobby into a career, then take steps towards that, right now. Perhaps your dream is to start a new business, then take action towards starting that business (one way I recommend is to contact www.ARRiiVE.com, a company I created out of AspireNow who helps you launch your product or service).

Whatever is not yet decided, whatever is not a "done deal" -- that is what we've got to go after, if it truly is what we want.

Last, I want to examine our perception more closely. What is blocking you? Is your internal and external language you speak SUPPORTING your dream or BLOCKING it? Tape record a conversation with a coach and/or a friend and pay attention to things you say. If you use words like "I feel stagnated with... " or "I hate..." or "I would if only..." whatever follows those types of negative statements is what is blocking you. Or, at least, your PERCEPTION of those things is blocking you.

If you then notice when you say "I love..." and "I enjoy doing..." and "I'm most happy when..." and ".... makes me smile and feel good..." those types of statements are the things you MOST WANT TO DO and MAKE YOU HAPPY. Pay attention to these, do them more often, and make sure you prioritize these things.

If you do not know what you truly want from life I suggest you hire a coach to help you out.

You can also start with a workbook on discovering your purpose.

The good news about life is that we are always seeing life from INSIDE OUR EYES so we truly CAN start a new life from where we are, at whatever age, when we believe and take action towards that dream. I encourage you to start immediately. Your happiness depends upon it.

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4 Ways To Increase Happiness Immediately

Most self help is ultimately about discovering how to be happy.

I've read over 5,000 books related, in one way or another, to improving either my own life or the lives of others. And, in so reading, I can say that ultimately what we seek when reading such a book is to increase our happiness from one of the following things:

1. Increases in:
a. Pleasure; improving how much we enjoy the things we do.
b. Career Success; be a better boss, creating a dream job, etc.
c. Dating/Relationship finding/keeping someone special and improving how we relate.
d. Financial Abundance; making more money, investing more wisely, etc.
e. Health; being healthy in diet, weight, muscle, shape, etc.
f. Hobby/Free Time; improving certain aptitudes in recreational activities.
g. Wisdom; gaining perspective in life, philosophy, and experience.

Sometimes, our success increases when our failure decreases, so many additional books deal with decrease. Therefore, our happiness increases when we decrease some of the following:

2. Decreases in:
a. Getting rid of doubt and self-incrimination.
b. Fear; removal of fear or ways to overcome fear.
c. Blocks; removal of blocks to success.
d. Debt; ways to remove or eliminate debt or poor money management.
e. Poor relationship choices; bad dating or inter-relational habits.
f. Failure; learning from failure to turn losing into winning.
g. Disease; overcoming disease or other health ailments.
h. Time management failure; overcoming procrastination, etc.

Almost all self-help topics could be categorized in one of these sentences above.

Based upon this analysis, I'm going to give you four simple ways to increase happiness:

First, Take three.

If you wish to increase happiness, why not take the simple approach to address THREE of these at any given time. No more than three, just three. If you're having a problem with doubt, start a new discipline of confidence. Find the experts on teaching confidence and learn the essence of what they share. If you're struggling with getting in shape, take one new action that will do that for you: in my case, I've joined a new gym today that will enable me to drop the next 10 pounds in my weight management goal. Or, if you're not enjoying your career, do a career evaluation. Read a few books written by people who LOVE their career and follow some of their advice. By working on several aspects of your life and continually improving, you're creating a habit of life improvement. This habit will lead to increased happiness.

Second, What really matters most?

If you ask almost anyone who has lived a full life, they will tell you that sharing laughter and stories with good friends and family are the moments that matter most in your life. To improve this aspect, why not create special time for those you love, who add the most joy to your life, each week? Perhaps Saturday coffee with friends, or meeting for a happy hour on Thursday or Friday night? Maybe a special Tuesday dinner night that moves from couple to couple? Do something like this a couple of times a week and you'll never feel like you've missed something important. By spending time with those you love, you automatically ensure you'll be happier.

Third, simplify.

In Eastern philosophy, common wisdom is to simply "be" in the moment and experience life right now. What can you do to help you accomplish this? Can you reduce the clutter in your home? Can you make your commute shorter? How can you reduce wasted space or things you no longer use? How can you minimize time spent wastefully and replace it with things you love the most? To the extent you can accomplish some of this simplification, your life will improve and you will be happier.

Last, it may sound silly, but LOOK UP and show the sky your PEARLY WHITES.

We need sunlight and I always find it remarkable that when I make a practice to look up to the sun and show the sky my pearly whites, I automatically lift my mood. The converse is watching television. The more we watch television, where we commonly look straight or down, and let life get dictated or shown to us, we have happiness decrease. So, this last one is simple: get outside more often and spend less time in front of the television. When you're outside more often you will bump into people and have a chance to witness, create, and experience life more fully. While you're at it, why not learn something new? Tennis, golf, basketball, play an instrument, paint a landscape, whatever, but doing something outside is likely to make you happy.

So, there's a simple four-part strategy to increase happiness and enjoy your life more completely. If you find this useful, share it with friends!

Did I miss anything on your own list of happiness creation? If you've got more ways to improve happiness, feel free to weigh in on my comments page.
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Why Dating Sucks (and How To Be a Happy Couple)

I just received this two word message in an email to me from a married friend:

"Dating Sucks."

My response:

"I like dating. I assume you meant "dating sucks, generally speaking" or something like that.

Marriage sucks more."

Okay, so if dating sucks, generally, why would marriage suck more, generally speaking? The truth is, they both suck equally. They both can be GREAT equally, too. (Yes, I was teasing my friend.)

The reason why dating or marriage sucks is usually because most people don't know how to be HAPPY. They expect other people, outside events and circumstances -- or luck -- to bring them happiness. This is not how to to become happy.

Being happy leads to happy relationships!

We become happy by creating a kick-ass life and realize our dreams. We become happy for enjoying every moment we are alive. Even when we can't pay bills, our health is sick, or our job is floundering, we relish the joy in being alive. That is the key to being happy. Well, wait a minute, we also become happy by being GRATEFUL for WHAT WE HAVE (not what we want). And how do we do that? By picturing our dreams and then taking the steps to live them out. Underneath that, I'd say "By living in a spiritually blessed way and following the wise ways to accumulate happiness." This is all true.

We become happier in relationships by simply loving where we are when we are and giving more than we expect to give. When we create happy, loving, fun, nurturing, safe, secure, successful environments, our relationships flourish rather than flounder.

Think about it. When are you unhappy in a relationship?

When you're EXPECTING your partner to DO something for you, REMEMBER that little thing you like, or GIVE you in a way you thought they might... sound familiar? It is false expectation and false attachment that undermines the potential happiness in each relationship.

That's why being married can suck, too. Because when people get bored in marriage we stop giving and start expecting and then when we don't get what we want anymore we withdraw and stop giving even more (or less). To my married friends, does this sound familiar? That's why marriage sucks (generally speaking).

Now, don't get me wrong: I've seen bad behavior on dates that would make most men run for the hills. I've seen a woman say she wants you to be a gentleman (then acts slutty). I've seen women say they expect equality (then sit back while I pay for the meal - even though maybe she knew I was broke at the time or maybe I bought the last time). I had a date this past May where the woman was DRUNK when I MET her. Apparently, she needed vodka to get over the fear of the unknown. Talk about a semi-blind date gone horribly wrong. It produced a funny story later, but not a fun experience at the time.

I've seen guys belch on dates, drink too much, ignore their female companion, and other bad things. I've seen a guy put down his woman as if she was a piece of meat. People act horribly when dating. I've even made my own mistakes so don't get me wrong I'm NOT on a soap-box. But, yeah, dating can suck sometimes.

But what kind of struck me strange was when my friend said "dating sucks" in reply to my saying "I was on a date and I'm not going to date her again because I really don't feel the chemistry." To me, that's not a date that sucked. I explored an opportunity, decided I don't want that, and I'll let her down with grace and poise. She's a nice woman. She has a decent job and treats people nice. She has a good sense of humor. She's smart. She just isn't doing it for me in the chemistry department. So, it is better to end it before getting involved intimately. I really don't think that people should expect every date to end in the clouds parting, violins playing, and kisses that leave you weak-knee-silly.

Sure, I'd like to date someone where the bells ring, the birds sing, and the heavens shout for joy... but the last time that happened for me - it didn't for her. That is when dating sucks! But even then, it's a good situation, because at least you know it wasn't an equal match. And, in the end, that's all I really want: an equal in love, joy, adoration, spirit, friendship, and communication.

When we discover that type of love, dating ROCKS!

It happens from time to time... give love a chance even if you've been hurt, okay?

Does that type of relationship exist? SURE! There are 20% of people who are VERY HAPPY in their relationship. And, guess what, there's probably another 20% of people who are happily married. These types of relationships DO exist. It takes a sense of humor, dedication, mutual honesty, and equal communication. It takes trust, respect, and commitment. It takes the chemistry, backed up by all these things, to create it. But I've seen it happen. My sister is married in one of those relationships. And, my friend who said "dating sucks" is in one of those relationships, too. Both of these women love their husbands dearly. And that, to me, is awesome!

If you want a safe relationship, don't threaten the relationship when you have a disagreement or act in a way that would compromise the integrity of the relationship. If you want a fun environment, act and show your partner you can both have fun together and create fun things to do together. If you want a successful environment, be successful in what you do. If you fail, redirect into a path where others are succeeding and go for that opportunity. When you get there, don't slack, but give it your all. That's usually how people succeed anyway. Then, when you're with your honey, express GRATITUDE they are experiencing all of this with you!

Be happy to have happier relationships!

Dating doesn't have to suck. Neither does being married. Just make sure YOU are GIVING what YOU CAN, expecting good things but not expecting mind-readers and miracles, and enjoying every moment. And be happy in who YOU are and what you do with your life. Bring that into your relationship. You'll attract that same happiness back.

If your job sucks, find a job that makes you happy. If your health is down, eat healthier, get your sleep, work-out more often, and get back in shape. If your lifestyle is boring, pick up those hobbies and things you always dreamed of doing when you were younger. It is never too late to begin living your dreams. When dreams become reality is when happiness manifests.

When you're happy, your odds of being happily coupled increase dramatically.
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My Friends Rock

I recently dug through a forum discussing life happiness until I came across this question:

"Why do my friends suck?"

While this may be perceived as a common challenge for teenagers; however, this is actually more of a prevailing question in society, at large, than we might realize. When polled on satisfaction regarding how we rate our friends, this was the result:

How We Rate Our Friends (Source: 2006 AspireNow.com poll of 1,325 respondents):

38% - I have a close family and loving friends.
17% - My family could be more supportive, but I have loving friends.
21% - My friends are not supportive, but my family is supporting me and shows me love.
24% - My friends and family are both not very supportive and I feel disconnected.

Most people seem to rate their family and friendships as being pretty good. Personally, I'd say, MY FRIENDS ROCK (I'm definitely not someone in the "my friends suck" category).

Taking Another Look At How We Rate Our Friends :

38% - I have a close family and loving friends.
17% - My family could be more supportive, but I have loving friends.
21% - My friends are not supportive, but my family is supporting me and shows me love.
24% - My friends and family are both not very supportive and I feel disconnected.

That means 45% say their friendships could be better! Yikes. Well, that's why I'm writing this - to help give ideas to help you improve your friendships and relationships.

Now, let's take a look at how you rate your own friendships.

How are my friendships, in terms of closeness and support:

My Friends Rock! ______
My Friends Are Good ______
My Friends Could Be Better ______
My Friends Suck. ______

If you chose the "my friends suck" category, you're probably not a very happy person right now. And, if you chose "my friends rock" category, you're probably much more satisfied overall with your life situation and happiness.

According to Professor Ed Diener, University of Illinois, people who score high on life satisfaction tend to have close and supportive family and friends, whereas those who do not have close friends and family are more likely to be dissatisfied.

Character matters more than looks, wealth, and popularity:


In a study among girls from smartgirl.org, the three characters we exhibit in friendship that meant the most were as follows:

1. LOYALTY.
2. CARING.
3. LISTENING.

Note: Popular, Smart, Money, Athletic didn't rate NEARLY as high as loyalty.

Using the Golden Rule (reap what we sow), it would make sense that we ought to give what others want. So, if we want good friendships, we first ought to be loyal to others. Second, we need to show we care. And, last, we need to listen well. If I were writing that survey, I'd have added "funny and creative" to the list. Maybe it's me, but I just like fun and funny people. After all, if humor is the best medicine, then I want more of it!

Reach out and touch your friends often:

As much as we love IM, EMail and modern technology, the TELEPHONE is still the #1 way to reach out to our friends. So, if it has been a while, send an email, then follow it up by phone. You'll find your friendship quickly reconnected. I did this recently with many of my friends after my truck accident (see I'm So Grateful).

My personal rule for attracting great friends is to set the following intention:

1. My friends and people in my inner circle are in support of my highest good, and I am in support of their highest good.

2. I like friends who are well-rounded, with successful lives, and a good sense of humor.

That's pretty much my criteria for friendships. I've found that since defining friendships in this way, I've attracted and maintained really strong, happy, and healthy friendships.

The biggest difference was when I set the criteria for #1 (above), using "highest good" as a defining principle, I have found that friends don't lie to me, they don't disrespect me, nor do they use me or treat me poorly. The reason is that anyone who WOULD do this quickly either eliminates themselves from my life or I see who they are and eliminate them. I'm an extrovert, and by nature easily make new friends, but of all my friends who stick, they ALL now exhibit the features of both #1 and #2. It makes life much more rewarding, and for sure, I can truly say that my friends ROCK!

I was just having a chat with my brother yesterday, and the one comment we both shared that stuck out is that our friendships and experience with friends and family are what matter the MOST in life. It's a good idea to set an intention for more of these experiences.

Thank you for being my friends!

If you want better friendships, first be the friend you wish to attract back to you.
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Disclaimer: This material is intended for informational purposes only. Any financial, legal, health, or other information given is not to be interpreted as being financial, legal, health and professional advice. If you need advice, guidance, or counsel of any kind you should seek out a qualified and experienced professional in that field.

Written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow and CEO of ARRiiVE Business Solutions. Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved.

What Men Want

What Do Men Want From Women?

This is a popular article at AspireNow that provokes a lot of questions. Women have been trying to answer this question for ages, and shelves of self-help books try to resolve the differences between men and women by considering we're from different planets.


A recent poll said that the average person is willing to spend 6 months' salary to find their true love.

Many women ask the question "What do men want?" to their women friends and sometimes they'll ask their guy friends. If women would approach men with a few simple, effective guidelines, they'll be much more likely to get exactly what they want from men: a fulfilling, healthy, happy relationship.

Here are the guidelines to understand what men want:


1. Men want a fun and exciting (female) companion.
2. Men want great sex (consistent, frequent, and passionate lovemaking score high with men).
3. Men want to share meals with their woman companion (especially when she cooks for him).
4. Men want you to support them in their work and boost their confidence.
5. Men want you to look great, keep in shape, and express confidence about your body.
6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect.
7. Men need private time, to unwind, to engage in sports and hobbies, and to spend time with other men.

For the detail on these tips, as well as further information about what men want, visit the top-rated article at AspireNow:

http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_10_00_what_men_want.htm

An update: Even though I wrote this article 7 years ago, I'm finding that in my discussions with men, it's still pretty simple. Men want love as much as women, we just go about it a bit differently. You'll notice that guys will talk side by side, where a woman wants the man directly in front of her. There are subtle differences like this that make a man different than a woman.

As much as society is more supportive of women, men struggle with the modern woman. The reason for this is that the man still feels a need to provide. He still wants to hunt and kill, but in modern civilization this is simply not what's going on. We're in the information age: an age that women can thrive in. So, women need to recognize this and boost the man for what he can bring, and still ask him to do things, physically, for her -- even if she IS capable of doing it herself. A smart woman let's him do this for her, to some extent. A smart woman keeps herself in shape.

This is important to both sexes, but even more for a man. A smart woman will make trade-offs and compromise on activities to sometimes do what he wants, other times what she wants.
It's cool to go shopping if I know we might watch a football game together afterwards. It's fun to go dancing if I know you'll also come to my gig. See, those are examples from my own life.

A smart woman will make meals together a priority. Time together, in general, is critical to any relationship, but, especially meal time. I believe that the family that prays together stays together. The easiest time to pray together is before a meal, during grace. So, I make that a habit. It's just a heatlhy way to connect spiritually. A smart woman will keep the sex alive by trying new and fun things, suggesting things to him, and teasing him from time to time. Why is Playboy and Penthouse still the top two men's magazines, while Ladies Home Journal and Better Homes and Garden the top two women's magazines? Clearly, men are turned on by sex, women by homes. So, create a nice home for him, cook a nice meal, but then turn it on in the bedroom. Sometimes, I think it's fun to cook for her, especially if I know she's going to be cooking later. :)

Do you want to know more about what men want? Learn more at AspireNow.com - see Smooth Sailing for our relationship articles.

More related articles here at the A-blog:

Looking for fun things to do on a date? 31 Fun Dating Ideas
Find The Man Of Your Dreams
Why 'The Terminator' Is Deadly In Relationships

This article is copyright 2007 by AspireNow. All rights reserved.

Visit the A-blog at http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/ for more articles like this.
_______________________________________________________

This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2002/2007. All rights reserved.

You may republish this article only AS A COMPLETE WHOLE with ENTIRE LINKS and copyright messages attached. All rights reserved. To get more valuable dating tips and other advice on abundance, subscribe to the A-Blog.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

You ever wonder why some people are in relationships? As if, perhaps, out of convenience, or some other matching that pairs people other than love.

There are several forms of love that must be present in order to build stronger dating and marital relationships. First, friendship. You must be friends. If you are not friends, you will not support each other. And, relationships without support are relationships doomed to fail. Without friendship, you have no trust and often, no respect. It is vital to build a foundation of honesty, trust, respect, and other positive "friendship" type of qualities in your relationships, if you wish for them to go the distance. These types of qualities come from doing what you say you will do, treating each other in kind ways, making an effort to listen and support each other, and so on.

Second, you need to have emotional love. Romance is nice for men; essential for women. Without romance, there is a lack of desire for sex from women. I think ROMANCE can be spelled in so many ways, but it's acting like a couple, doing little things for each other, showing you're thinking about your partner. These things build the love between you.

Third, you need what I'll call passionate sexual chemistry. Without sexual chemistry or passion, the fire for each other can die out. This can cause the relationship to be dull and boring. Mix things up and surprise each other. I was watching a movie a week ago called Paris, je t'aime (2006) and featured a group of short films all about ways people fall in love in Paris. One that stuck with me was about a man, who met his wife to tell her he was leaving her for another woman. But, before he could tell her his news, she broke into tears and told him she was dying with terminal cancer. He decided to step up and act AS IF he still loved her. In the process, he fell back in love with his wife. It was a charming story that got a great point across in less than ten minutes. Romance leads to passionate sexual chemistry. Passion CAN be grown, but you must ACT AS AF you love each other if you are to keep it alive.

Next, you need to have financial stability. I know it sounds funny, but if you think of the majority of reasons people fail in relationships, it usually is over money. So, take care that you first earn enough to get ahead, and second that you don't overspend, so that money is not a strong factor against you. Financial stability isn't necessarily a form of love, but it sure can derail it if you don't have it together. So, get your career solid, so that your money is solid, and your love ought to be solid, too. Just make sure you don't get unbalanced so you're spending so much time at work you forget to romance each other and make love often!

Last, a relationship needs SPIRITUAL LOVE. This is often described as synchronicity. Psychologists will define it through profiling, such as the Myers-Briggs system, where they'll match an ENFP with INFP or ENFP and show that you're far more apt to "get along" with synchronicity with those similar to your type than those opposites. I'm kind of a cross between an ENFP and ENTP. It's a system that matches your personality traits based upon:

E or I - EXTROVERT or INTROVERT
N or S - INTUITIVE or SENSOR
F or T - THINKER or FEELER
J or P - JUDGER or PERCEIVER

I'm certainly not an introvert. I typically score 5 out of 8 Extrovert. So, I'm an E. I'm also not someone who has to touch and feel things to believe in them (SENSOR). I score higher as N. I'm usually split down the middle on F/T and I find that I communicate outwardly like a THINKER but process internally like a FEELER. It can cause some mix-ups some times. A funny thing, is that I tend to be drawn to other F/T personalities, too, so it presents some crazy conversations, to say the least! Last, I'm not really a J. People think I am a J, because I'm good at fooling people into thinking I'm highly organized. Perceivers, or P's, are much more creative and connect the dots in their communication. They run late to parties. And, they're constantly trying to get organized. Whereas a J simply IS organized. A J simply IS on time. They think it rude if someone is late. I think all the people who live in Latin and Spanish cultures seem to be more P driven, while those in Asian cultures generally are more J in personality. Someone who is definitely more J than me was an ex-girlfriend, who would clean while I'd play, who would organize when I'd create, who would get upset at me for making us late to parties.

You will find that if you date your TYPE of personality, you will typically have an easier going relationship than if you date someone your opposite. I found this completely true with someone I dated in 2001. She was an old high school friend. But when I looked back at her personality type, she was an Introvert (I), Sensor (S), Thinker/Feeler (same as me on that one), and J. She had perfectly balanced bank ledgers. She knew if she had $18 in the bank, where I would guess if I had $1,800 and maybe be within two hundred dollars. She was on time, most of the time. Me, well, you can guess. Anyway, we fought like cats and dogs. When I think of someone who is a fellow ENF/TP, we hardly ever fought. I wonder if the profile had something to do with it? I'd call it spiritual synchronicity.

I'm digressing. What I'm getting at is that this psychological profiling is really just a method to try to understand someone from a spiritual perspective. Note, I said spiritual, not religious. You can be Catholic and marry someone Protestant if you are similar in spiritual outlook. So, that said, I think Spiritual Synchronicity is the most important of all the forms of love I've described.

When they ask, "What's Love Got To Do With It?" Well, I think just about everything. For when your relationship is grounded and lit on fire with true love, you can be stronger together than you were on your own.

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Scott Andrews, Author and Founder of AspireNow, writes articles and records audio programs helping people improve their lives through Life Purpose, building Smooth Sailing relationships, and creating a lifestyle of Elegant Simplicity. Learn more about these features at http://www.AspireNow.com. In addition, don't miss the upcoming book "What Men Want: A Guide To Meeting and Making The Man In Your Life Love You" due out at AspireNow this winter at http://www.AspireNow.com/products.htm.

Friendship: A Crux of Happiness

In my coaching experience, HAPPINESS is one of the main objectives people seek from life. A question that comes up is "what will make me happy" and then the follow-on might be "with my job" or "in this relationship" or "with my life?"

Or, someone will state a concern, but the underlying objective is really happiness. Stating "I'm not really content with my job right now," is a way of saying "my job isn't making me happy." Or saying, "He isn't really doing it for me anymore," is a way of saying you're not happy in your relationship.

No matter what the topic, whether it be our work, our relationship, our health, I find that building solid, strong friendships is actually at the crux or a cornerstone of building happiness in our lives. And the way we build strong relationships is to invite, share, and give part of our life with another person.

When I coach people on how to improve their dating relationships, the first thing I suggest they do is just build more strong friendships. Because the stronger your friendships, the stronger your dating relationships can be, too. The network supports the core growth of two people and helps keep them in the relationship if they ought to stay in, and likewise encourages they get out if they are in an unhealthy situation.

Friendships are also highly useful in business. I find that many of my job opportunities, many recommendations that helped me land a job, and many coaches to challenges I've had in my career actually came from my friendships. So, if you're at work and struggling in your career. The first thing I would suggest to you is to GROW more business friendships. That means, helping people without worrying about what they're going to GIVE back to you. It's hard to do at first, but a key especially when you're volunteering. It is actually one of the best ways to grow your network. Volunteer for an organization or event, such as the American Cancer Society, and then just try to be helpful in any way that you can within the time you can spare. Watch how many friends you grow from this. When I volunteered for the American Cancer Society, I made several great friends from the events and people I've met there. In fact, one year, I met my friend Jonathan, who later invited me to RYZE (http://www.RYZE.com), the first social networking site I joined that produced countless other business and personal relationships and friendships.

So, you just never know where one association might lead. I've been volunteering for the local Symphony Pops concert every year. Each year I've made new friends who were also part of the volunteer team. Try the volunteer route and see if your friendships don't improve.

The best thing about friendship is that when you least expect it, a friend might pop out of the woodwork and brighten your day. This happened for me recently with Belinda Farrell (http://www.HunaHealing.com), a master hypnotherapist and Huna Healing practitioner who also was my first Aspiration Advocate at AspireNow. I remember meeting Belinda through a Bonnie Coleen event I attended, where Belinda had a booth offering her services. I was drawn to her and became her friend. Then later that year, I offered her an opportunity to be an Aspiration Advocate. Belinda agreed. Today, years later, we are still friends. I refer people to her business, and I'm pretty sure she's referred a few to me, too. But, more than that, we care about each other.

Who do you know in your life who you would love to know better?

I totally recommend you reach out, do something, give something, show in some way that you care in a way that THEY will appreciate. For example, I'm just listening to Belinda's introduction and the word that sticks with me is "dolphins" for Belinda. Sometimes, sending a dolphin greeting, or a gift, might be a way to show you care for someone like Belinda. Or, invite them to an event you're participating in. Are you going to a seminar on sustaining the planet? Well, maybe your friend might want to go with you. And, it will be more fun for you to share in the experience. So, you can grow a friendship a variety of ways.

My friend, who I referred to Belinda, contacted Belinda regarding her "Chant and Forgiveness" CD program. Belinda, in reference to me, said something flattering like "Scott is a Masterpiece." I glowed when I read this. What a beautiful thing to say about me. When I reconnected with Belinda, there was such a warmth, such a depth of love in the connection, I realized: "Wow! I have a lifetime friendship happening here." How cool is that?

Our friends are so wonderful!

"Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans," according to Wikipedia. I really love what Wikipedia later lists as criteria for friendship:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• mutual understanding.

A few years ago, I actually took this to another level and added: my friends are people who are in support of my highest good. It was the expansion of the first of these bullets. My question was: If someone is NOT in support of your highest good, are they really your friend? I pondered that question and decided, nope, only people in support of my highest good are truly real friends. If you make sure that a person you surround yourself with is in support of your highest good, has easy camaraderie, tends to have mutual understanding with you, and demonstrates both cooperate and supportive behavior; congratulations: you've gained a deeply rich new friendship!

It has been said that a man can die rich and still be poor. But the counter is you can die poor and be rich -- very rich -- with friendship.

Make your life an effort to grow rich friendships, and see how your happiness grows. Friendship is like putting miracle grow and water on your life. Plant seed, add friendship, watch happiness grow is the way I see this path towards happiness. So many people struggle with what they are getting from life. Well, the best way to make a new friend it not to GET, but to GIVE. How is your serve? If you reach out, offer to do something for each person you meet. It doesn't have to be incredibly time-consuming, nor does it have to cost a lot. Just do SOMETHING. GIVE SOMETHING or INVITE this person to some event you're participating in, and watch a new friendship grow.

I invite people I meet to my band gigs. It is one way people love connecting with me. People have invited me to their workshops, all kinds of things. OH - and if someone invites you to something, GO! Try to RIDE TOGETHER. Time together is the best recipe for growing friendships. The more time you spend together, the more you know each other and have a chance for really deep friendship.

Sometimes we make a trade-off in life of money for friendship. I told someone recently that I made less money living on the Central Coast than I made in the Bay Area. However, I have 10x the number of friends since moving here. So, was it worth it? If you're measuring wealth of friendships and wealth of happiness, the answer is a resounding YES. And, you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if the abundance in wealth soon follows, too.

As the title of one of the songs I wrote goes, you've got to "Give Some to Get Some."

How can you grow your HAPPINESS? By DEEPENING the QUALITY of YOUR FRIENDSHIPS.

The author of this post is a business and life coach. Learn more at http:www.AspireNow.com or http://www.ARRiiVE.com.