Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Find The Man of Your Dreams

Do you ache to know if you can find true love? How can you find the man of your dreams? Or, for guys, how to meet the woman of your dreams? Where can I find my soul mate? How can I find true love? Is my knight in shining armor for real? How can I meet the woman of my dreams?

Are these questions you've asked recently?

Women frequently talk about finding the man, finding true love, finding the man in their dreams -- especially when they are in an unsatisfying relationship. Guys talk about it, too, but in different ways. Woman will ask each other "who are you dating?" Men will ask each other "who are you banging?" I know, it's crass, but it's pretty true. You wonder why it's hard to find when men and women communicate in such different ways!

A recent study showed that most people would be willing to give up over 6 months salary to find their "true love". In some cases, this could be quite a bit of money. Think about it: if you earn $60,000 a year (which is just a little above average in many parts of America) you'd give up $30,000 to find the man in your dreams. Guys: will you give $30,000 to find the woman in your dreams? No wonder sites like,,, and others have thrived during the Internet Age.

This article is about how to find true love anywhere and everywhere: taking steps in the right direction.

How many people know where to meet someone? Isn't that half the challenge of it? In many bookstores you can find dozens of books about finding love or dating for success. John Gray has made boatloads of money with his "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books.


Because we all want to find a partner with whom we can experience deep, lasting love.

Fact is, just about everyone wants to know where to go to find our true love and have better relationships. The elephant in the room seems to be the question: How do we meet this mystical person?

Recently, I came across some interesting statistics that shed light on this situation. According to University of Chicago researcher Dr. Edward Lauman, here is how we meet our significant other:

23% meet at school
15% meet at work
10% meet at a private party
8% meet at a bar
8% meet at a church or synagogue
4% meet at the gym
<1% meet through personal ads

These stats may have changed slightly with the recent popularity of Internet dating. I've noticed that the chat rooms of the late 1990's are now being replaced by social broadcasting with chat rooms at places like I know of several people who've met on-line. Over 65% of people met through school, work, parties, at a bar, church, gym, or through ads.

However, the interesting stat, to me, is that almost 30% of the remaining people met OTHER ways! In other words, they met doing something they LOVE. Whether that's swing dancing, listening to music at a concert, volunteering for a charity or meeting at the grocery store - you name it: people meet many ways.

The other interesting statistic is how the largest proportion of people (23%) still meet AT SCHOOL.

Upon seeing this I decided that if you were to replace the environment you have at school, you will have the highest likelihood of meeting someone you like. So, perhaps taking a class at a community college or enrolling to learn a foreign language might be a good idea. When taking lessons or studying a new subject where other people around your age and socio-economic background are likely to hang out, the odds of connecting will be higher.

A poor way to meet is through a newspaper ad, or through a singles cruise. However, I personally met someone from a newspaper ad once and we dated for a while, so I can't say rule it out altogether. I did notice that on a family cruise to Alaska, my nephew met someone last summer and they ended up hanging out quite a bit. But I'm not sure that's something that would work for everyone, and I certainly wouldn't go on a cruise for that express purpose.

So how do we meet someone, once we're in the right setting?

I look at it much like catching a wild animal (call it a cat, if that helps). There are at least two ways you could go about catching a wild cat. One method is to chase after the cat and try to catch it by pouncing on it -- which, as you know, is likely to scare the cat away and make it a little more jittery the next time it sees you. This method is unlikely to create success and more likely to leave you feeling frustrated and alone. This is not what I recommend to catch the man of your dreams. No, be more clever.

The other method is to go where the wild cats are, offer the cat some fish or catnip and wait quietly, enjoying where you are without worrying about whether or not you catch the cat. It may seem like it is taking longer - but this is deceiving, as you are relaxing and enjoying where you are. After a while, when you are relaxed, quiet, and comfortable, the cat may start to check you out. As the cat learns you are safe and have treats for them, they'll be eating out of your hand. Once the word travels, you may even have your choice of several "cats".

This approach works for MEN and for WOMEN. However, with men, you must be interesting, a little cocky, and funny to approach the woman of YOUR dreams.

Women, on the other hand, must maintain a sense of mystery. There's a reason the book "The Rules" for women was successful in getting men to marry more often: the women HAD A LIFE! If you're not available after Wednesday and you only return my calls one to three, the odds are I'll feel like I have to make you a PRIORITY.

Isn't that what you want, women?

Another method is to confidently approach the cat you want and offer it the milk you offer. A friend of mine claims that if you do not seize the world you're just a lamb and waiting for your slaughter. It works for him, as in general a man is still expected to be the person who approaches a woman (with confidence).

The most masterful trait, though, to finding love anywhere, is to simply send love out, without expectation, wherever we go. Sending out unconditional love, as a regular practice, is sure to come back to us tenfold. The trick to making money is often spending some. When you buy a new suit you can land that job sometimes just by looking the part. Well, with love it is the same way. When we are able to be confident and loving, the love we seek may come to us.

Look your best, be your best, and love the most. The world will turn in a new way for you when you do. And, you just might be surprised: the man of your dreams will be standing in YOUR doorway taking YOU out on the date you always dreamed of!

Best way to meet a man? Select a club (with higher percentages of men than women who go) that sounds fun to you. I've always been amazed at how few women will go into a microbrewery, yet men love to congregate there. They usually aren't getting too drunk there, and it isn't really the same as meeting "in a bar". Go just to have fun, without expectation of who you'll meet, and you just might be a surprised.

Men, go to dance workshops. Take a dance class, sign up for YOGA. Do it for YOU, not with intentions on meeting anyone.

I used to find that society benefit events were great ways to meet people. You're making a difference AND having fun. What could be more natural? Plus, you're sharing a similar cause - a sign of spiritual compatibility.

Do you have a question relating to finding the love you seek? Check out the AspireNow Advisor - full page solutions to your questions - it will save you time and money to get guidance on better ways to improve your dating.

What are ways to find the man of your dreams (or woman of your dreams), by sending more love out?

1. Take a friend to lunch or coffee. During the conversation, tell them three things you really like about them (with sincerity).

2. Buy a little gift for a friend, something that you think might uniquely appeal to them, based upon who you know them as. (No gag gifts - they might backfire!) It doesn't have to cost a lot to mean a lot. Gifting is an important component in dating.

3. Call a friend up on the telephone and let them know you are thinking about them. Is there anything they need that you can help them with? What fun things can you do to connect with each other?

4. Drop by a friends house with a gift, or show up with some food, and offer to share it with them. Let me know one or two things you appreciate about their friendship. Expect nothing more. Leave when it seems earlier than you might normally leave and thank them for having fun with you. This is being a REAL friend.

5. Host a potluck party. You can make it interesting and make it a common interest party. For example, my brother goes to a monthly "writer's" party. The group is mostly English Teachers, who wanted to maintain their own craft. Everyone brings their own beverages and food, and the host prepares a main dish. Each person writes something before dinner. They take about 30 - 45 minutes to write their poem or story. After dinner, they sit around and share what they wrote. I cannot express how much more you get to know people from doing a shared interest party versus just showing up to a regular type of party. I also host "theme" parties every year. Last year was the Motorcycle Diaries party. Not only did we have great fun, we also ate yummy food (Peruvian dishes, Chilean ceviche, etc.)

6. Offer to do small favors for people. This could be as simple as holding some one's books or handing them the hard to reach item in a grocery store. Random acts of kindness build opportunities for new friendship. Don't expect return favors, just do it.

7. Compliment people who stand out to you. Be sincere, concise, and smile, when you compliment. The more you practice complimenting others the more you will see how people light up at your kindness. I just talk with people everywhere I go. I ask them about the food, what they're holding, or comment on an article and ask their opinion. You'd be surprised where the conversations lead us.

8. Smile when you have no reason to smile. People like happy people.

9. Find an event you want to attend, and invite someone you are interested in to go with you. This could be a play, a movie, a concert, or even a book reading. You choose.

10. Find an event you are interested in, and invite nobody, but go with the expectation to meet at least three new people in a sincere way. Make the meeting about them: ask them questions, show genuine interest in who they are, what they do, how they have fun.

Remember, most people love to share about their vocation, travel, what makes them passionate, how they have fun, their hobbies, and children. Women love talking about their dreams, children, and friendships. Men love talking about their hobbies, career, and sports.

These are all pretty safe topics for most folks, and will build good will and better rapport than talking about politics, religion, sex, or other topics that are considered highly sensitive.

One word I can suggest: if you normally go out LOOKING for a man, STOP. Go out looking to MEET FRIENDS first. If you normally go out LOOKING for a woman, STOP. Go out looking to MEET FRIENDS first. If you normally HAVE SEX within the first couple of dates, STOP, wait. If you normally wait, maybe going earlier. Whatever you've done, if it hasn't worked, TRY THE OPPOSITE. You just never know. Sometimes by changing our behavior, we can break routines that are blocking us. Another idea is to go out with the guy who is "just a friend" and see how it works. And, treat the babe you'd have jumped before as "just a friend" and go for the one you'd have put in "friend" category before and treat as your new hottie. Again, you're mixing it up, and perhaps opening yourself to something more real.

Remember, as I said before, look your best, be your best, and love the most. Don't be surprised if the man of your dreams will be standing in YOUR doorway taking YOU out on the date you always dreamed of! And guys: don't be surprised when you find yourself WANTING her to say I LOVE YOU. Because when you have TRUE LOVE, commitment is natural.

Please note: This article is intended for entertainment purpose only. The author of this article may not be certified as a licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your situation dictates.

Learn more about AspireNow Life Coaching to improve your relationships.

Article by Scott Andrews, Founder of Read more articles like this at AspireNow's Smooth Sailing.

Subscribe to this RSS Feed to get the latest and greatest Seriously Fun Self-Help through the A-Blog, only by AspireNow.

Copyright © 1999-2007 AspireNow. All Rights Reserved. You may republish this article only if you publish in WHOLE with the COPYRIGHT and ALL ACTIVE LINKS intact.

Do you have ideas for how you can meet the man of your dreams? How have you met your girlfriend or wife? How did you meet your boyfriend or husband? Share your ideas! We'd love to hear them.

No comments:

Subscribe to the A-Blog

Enter your email address:

 Subscribe in a reader

AspireNow's Amazon Store