Tuesday, October 2, 2007

What's Love Got To Do With It?

You ever wonder why some people are in relationships? As if, perhaps, out of convenience, or some other matching that pairs people other than love.

There are several forms of love that must be present in order to build stronger dating and marital relationships. First, friendship. You must be friends. If you are not friends, you will not support each other. And, relationships without support are relationships doomed to fail. Without friendship, you have no trust and often, no respect. It is vital to build a foundation of honesty, trust, respect, and other positive "friendship" type of qualities in your relationships, if you wish for them to go the distance. These types of qualities come from doing what you say you will do, treating each other in kind ways, making an effort to listen and support each other, and so on.

Second, you need to have emotional love. Romance is nice for men; essential for women. Without romance, there is a lack of desire for sex from women. I think ROMANCE can be spelled in so many ways, but it's acting like a couple, doing little things for each other, showing you're thinking about your partner. These things build the love between you.

Third, you need what I'll call passionate sexual chemistry. Without sexual chemistry or passion, the fire for each other can die out. This can cause the relationship to be dull and boring. Mix things up and surprise each other. I was watching a movie a week ago called Paris, je t'aime (2006) and featured a group of short films all about ways people fall in love in Paris. One that stuck with me was about a man, who met his wife to tell her he was leaving her for another woman. But, before he could tell her his news, she broke into tears and told him she was dying with terminal cancer. He decided to step up and act AS IF he still loved her. In the process, he fell back in love with his wife. It was a charming story that got a great point across in less than ten minutes. Romance leads to passionate sexual chemistry. Passion CAN be grown, but you must ACT AS AF you love each other if you are to keep it alive.

Next, you need to have financial stability. I know it sounds funny, but if you think of the majority of reasons people fail in relationships, it usually is over money. So, take care that you first earn enough to get ahead, and second that you don't overspend, so that money is not a strong factor against you. Financial stability isn't necessarily a form of love, but it sure can derail it if you don't have it together. So, get your career solid, so that your money is solid, and your love ought to be solid, too. Just make sure you don't get unbalanced so you're spending so much time at work you forget to romance each other and make love often!

Last, a relationship needs SPIRITUAL LOVE. This is often described as synchronicity. Psychologists will define it through profiling, such as the Myers-Briggs system, where they'll match an ENFP with INFP or ENFP and show that you're far more apt to "get along" with synchronicity with those similar to your type than those opposites. I'm kind of a cross between an ENFP and ENTP. It's a system that matches your personality traits based upon:


I'm certainly not an introvert. I typically score 5 out of 8 Extrovert. So, I'm an E. I'm also not someone who has to touch and feel things to believe in them (SENSOR). I score higher as N. I'm usually split down the middle on F/T and I find that I communicate outwardly like a THINKER but process internally like a FEELER. It can cause some mix-ups some times. A funny thing, is that I tend to be drawn to other F/T personalities, too, so it presents some crazy conversations, to say the least! Last, I'm not really a J. People think I am a J, because I'm good at fooling people into thinking I'm highly organized. Perceivers, or P's, are much more creative and connect the dots in their communication. They run late to parties. And, they're constantly trying to get organized. Whereas a J simply IS organized. A J simply IS on time. They think it rude if someone is late. I think all the people who live in Latin and Spanish cultures seem to be more P driven, while those in Asian cultures generally are more J in personality. Someone who is definitely more J than me was an ex-girlfriend, who would clean while I'd play, who would organize when I'd create, who would get upset at me for making us late to parties.

You will find that if you date your TYPE of personality, you will typically have an easier going relationship than if you date someone your opposite. I found this completely true with someone I dated in 2001. She was an old high school friend. But when I looked back at her personality type, she was an Introvert (I), Sensor (S), Thinker/Feeler (same as me on that one), and J. She had perfectly balanced bank ledgers. She knew if she had $18 in the bank, where I would guess if I had $1,800 and maybe be within two hundred dollars. She was on time, most of the time. Me, well, you can guess. Anyway, we fought like cats and dogs. When I think of someone who is a fellow ENF/TP, we hardly ever fought. I wonder if the profile had something to do with it? I'd call it spiritual synchronicity.

I'm digressing. What I'm getting at is that this psychological profiling is really just a method to try to understand someone from a spiritual perspective. Note, I said spiritual, not religious. You can be Catholic and marry someone Protestant if you are similar in spiritual outlook. So, that said, I think Spiritual Synchronicity is the most important of all the forms of love I've described.

When they ask, "What's Love Got To Do With It?" Well, I think just about everything. For when your relationship is grounded and lit on fire with true love, you can be stronger together than you were on your own.


Scott Andrews, Author and Founder of AspireNow, writes articles and records audio programs helping people improve their lives through Life Purpose, building Smooth Sailing relationships, and creating a lifestyle of Elegant Simplicity. Learn more about these features at http://www.AspireNow.com. In addition, don't miss the upcoming book "What Men Want: A Guide To Meeting and Making The Man In Your Life Love You" due out at AspireNow this winter at http://www.AspireNow.com/products.htm.

No comments:

Subscribe to the A-Blog

Enter your email address:

 Subscribe in a reader

AspireNow's Amazon Store