In our lives, we often face moments of pressure. This pressure may take form in several types of challenge(s):
Lack of financial resources to cope with expenses.
A decline in health which lowers our physical vitality.
Limited time to accomplish a large number of tasks.
Lack of a partner to help us accomplish our mission.
Other...
At the time when we feel pressure, you may notice your own "fight or flight" responses kicking in. You might feel a sense of worry. Perhaps you may shut down entirely, unable to cope as you normally cope. You may not feel able to tackle the challenges of the world. At a time like this, the pressure then grows, rather than reduces.
I write this article to offer some simple and proven methods to cope with pressure more effectively.
If your pressure is at work, you might consider coping by doing the following:
Focus on what is most important right now.
Reduce pressure from computer tasks by taking breaks every hour.
Organize your desk to better cope with tasks.
Make sure to get time away from work to retain a sense of balance.
If your pressure is at home, consider coping with that pressure by:
Cleaning up your living space.
Organizing your living space.
Simplifying and/or eliminating clutter.
Asking children to take part in helping out.
You may notice that in both home and work situations, I suggested to organize and clean up your space. This is because we often let our space become messy and disorganized when we face high stress. This clutter increases the tension and makes it harder to succeed. By organizing our work space, we can work more effectively, whether at office or home.
In addition, I suggest you make time for exercise. When you feel pressure, your body may need exercise to release toxin and replenish healthy cells. Half of back pain may be cured simply through better oxygen flow through the body. So, if your challenge is health-related, consider ways to oxygenate your system (water, exercise, stretching, dancing, playing music, eating healthier, vitamin supplements, air, sunshine, etc.).
Make sure you breath in healthy air. If you breath healthy air, you can think better. Eat at regular times, smaller meals, throughout the day. This helps balance your system.
Last, tackle the objectives that will most likely reduce the pressure the most. For example, if the pressure on you feels like a financial challenge, consider what ways you can quickly pump more financial resources through your account to better handle these challenges. For me, that might be offering a new workshop or speaking in more places. What ways do you create financial freedom? Focus on the activities that give you the freedom you need and your pressure will be relieved.
Remember this above all else: almost all worry is unnecessary. If you instead focus on what you CAN DO in this moment, RIGHT NOW, you can relieve pressure and cope with the challenges at hand, almost every single time. I encourage you to do so, starting this very moment!
Often the feeling of overwhelmed comes after saying "yes" to too many people, events, and activities requiring our personal time and attention.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, why not say "no, not this time, but please consider me in the future" as a response to enable you to clear some time off your schedule. If you're not getting the time to exercise, meditate, pray, or find other personal time, you're likely going to overwhelm yourself and hit a level of stress.
Boundaries are Useful to Maintain Balance
If you find people walk into your bedroom without knocking, maybe you need to put a lock on the door and a sign that simply states "Knock before entering." People get the message if you draw a boundary AND if you back it up by enforcing it.
Perhaps co-workers invade your office space without knocking or announcing themselves, you can tell them "You know, I'd like to discuss this. Why don't you schedule some time at 1:00 pm with me today?" This will enable co-workers to start respecting your time.
Are you giving yourself more than you can do?
We might want to blame others when we set the schedule ourself in the first place. If this is your situation, I recommend you stop blaming others and give yourself fewer activities. Almost every time I find myself overwhelmed, I gave myself a deadline that I didn't have to meet, or I demanded I do several things more than I could manage. Don't set yourself up to fail. This will cause stress and make you feel swamped. Instead, schedule in breaks, schedule in stress relief, and schedule one third the events or time slot. This will enable you to recover balance in your life.
Try these simple techniques and see if your life doesn't become more balanced, relaxed, and enjoyable. _______________________________________________________
Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment, by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.com
Do you have guilt and resentment?
Perhaps you recently were in a fight or dispute with someone you loved. Did you say things you regret? Perhaps worded things in a way that hurt a friend? Maybe you mis-spoke, or failed to say something that might have mattered. Whatever the case, it sounds like guilt. And guilt like this leads to resentment, which leads to frustration and disconnection in our relationships.
Are you saying to yourself, "If only I had done...?" Are you thinking, "I shouldn't have said those things... I was so mean..." Are you thinking, "I should do this now, or do that now...."
These types of things are all forms of guilt.
You will notice guilt through the pain in your shoulders. Notice the word "should" and the word "shoulder"... where do you think the "should's" go in your body? That's right! Directly to your shoulders. So, if you're carrying around guilt, it is more than likely that you have pain or stiffness in your shoulders. This pain may even be running down your arms or up your neck, if you're in extreme guilt mode. I've also read that you can also find pain from guilt in your ankles. So, if you're having ankle pain, release guilt, too.
How can you get out of this pain from guilt?
Answer: You can get rid of the guilt by letting go of resentment.
Let go of the guilt and resentment. Stop harboring these thoughts and thinking those "If only..." types of thoughts. The fact of the matter is, you didn't. The only thing we can control now is what we DO NOW.
More causes of guilt and solutions to dealing with guilt:
Often, we have guilt when we were trying to control another person. This can happen when we are trying to manipulate their behavior. Or, when we're trying to withdraw from them and they don't listen. Both are forms of manipulation.
Giving someone the cold shoulder can create guilt. After all, the cold shoulder is cold from heart to shoulder. Offering them an ear, only to be told how you were wrong and they were right, well, this can create guilt, too. Release trying to control other people. The only person you can control is yourself. When you release that attempt at control, you release the guilt that has built within you. Just let the guilt go and breath through your body. Relax your shoulders and let yourself feel love again to let go of guilt. It's there for the taking if you want it.
Other times, we might have guilt when we did something that hurt someone. Let's face it, hurting other people is sometimes a part of life. We may not have meant to hurt them, or perhaps we said something in response to something they triggered in us. In any event, I need to point out that guilt from hurting someone can be assuaged by apologizing; however, after the initial apology you must just let it go. Leave the past in the past and focus on happier things in the future.
Another form of guilt happens when someone was overbearing with us. In that situation, we may feel guilty that we didn't do what they wanted. More likely, we might feel guilt over allowing them to dominate us. After all, we have our own inner voice. Can't we listen to that and heed the call? We think these thoughts, and they create guilt within us. This guilt will also built up pain in your body. Let it go. You cannot control what other people do. You did what you did, the past is the past. Leave it there. Some people want to be dominated, others like dominating, and it isn't the end of the world. Just reclaim who you are, let your shoulders be strong and back again, and let your guilt go free. You'll feel better when you do.
Last, we might have guilt over something done to us. That type of guilt is more about shame or embarrassment. That type of guilt can be due to abuse, or perhaps someone left us, or maybe they rejected us. That type of guilt is also something we cannot control. We cannot control whether or not someone wants to be with us. If they do not wish to be with us, that is their choice. Respect their choice, and let go of the expectation that we needed them. We didn't NEED them. We don't need anybody or anything. All we need is love, and that love comes from within first. We may have WANTED them, but there is a clear difference. Release the NEED for another person and let the guilt over things done or not done for us go. Relax your shoulders again and get your moxie back.
I'm sure you've heard the expression: Love Hurts. Why does love have to hurt so much?
Truly, I wish I had the answer. When we go through a breakup, our eyes get puffy from lack of sleep and crying. Our chest hurts probably not so much from an actual breaking heart but more likely shortness of breath because we are in "fear" mode.
Why Does Love Hurt So Much?
Yes, when we lose someone we've been with for a while, we are losing love. Or, at least we are in fear that we are losing love. And, fear blocks love. When we go into that mode, it seems that we are creating more of what we don't want: less love.
So, if you're hurting - and I can empathize with your pain - try to remember to keep breathing. Allow yourself to feel hurt, allow yourself to feel the loss, but remember than when you create a space in your life you might be allowing more love to come into your life in the not-so-distant future.
Not only that, but sometimes we need to release things in order to grow. I think this is where most relationships fall down: expectation and attachment to things hoped for but not entirely real. It is those expectations that drive some people to drugs or alcohol, others to immerse themselves in their work, the kids, food, exercise, or any other number of obsessions to try to deal with unmatched expectation.
The only thing I can say to you, if this is what you've been doing, is to consider releasing the expectation. Releasing the expectation is really the only opportunity to create a truly healthy, happy relationship, anyway.
I'm not suggesting this so that you necessarily get back together. Just release it anyway and see how life unfolds.
And, in the meantime, remember to keep breathing. Remember to do the things you love most. Remember to be loving to your friends and family who love you.
I write these words with all the love in my heart, to you, the person who may be hurting.
The pain will recede over time. Life will go on, if you let it. Release control, take a deep breath, and let it out. Then do it again. Keep yourself busy with exercise. Clear out any clutter that's been blocking you from being healthy environment or creating unnecessary attachment, too. Once you do, you will feel more alive, more free, and more able to love with the WHOLE you again.
Click here if you'd like to show a little appreciation back, in terms of a donation, visit The Most Powerful Law article, and you'll see a donate tab on the bottom left of the page. Abundance will flow your way, too! _______________________________________________________
In today's American Society, many single mother's and fathers have this expression:
"My kids come first."
I understand why they might say this. However, in dating, this expression creates a SERIOUS problem.
I'll explain what I mean.
Kids come first when it comes to CARE.
Yes, the kids need to come first in terms of you caring for them, providing a roof over their head, making sure their fed before you go off galavanting on dates, good times, or other self-serving situations. The kids may also come first over your desire of activities or how you handle day-to-day life choices. But this dynamic MUST change when you are in a relationship. How can you put the kids first if your boyfriend/girlfriend (possible husband/wife-to-be) is supposed to be #1 as your friend and lover? The kids cannot come between the new glue you are building in your romantic relationship. And, it is up to the PARENT to make sure this doesn't happen.
But, that's easier said, than done, isn't it?
Now, when it is a matter of CARE, yes, your child will come first. Your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife ought to be able to care for herself.
Clearly, it is a parent's first reaction to defend their child. So, that is not what I'm talking about.
What I am talking about is when your child IS WRONG and when it is a matter of DISCIPLINE or RESPECT. And, yes, there will be those moments. In those moments, you MUST support your relationship partner over the child. Why? Because, if you don't, then the child can get away with whatever they want (and know it) and this will eventually cause separation or resentment between your new partner and you.
In moments of discipline or respect, your partner MUST come first.
I can attest to this. I've seriously dated six different women (at different times, of course) who each had a son about 10 years old. Anyway, in each of these situations, there were situations where the mother had to discipline her child for the way the child acted around me or treated me. One thing I don't want in my life is disrespect, not from my friends, not from my lover, and not from her children. If the child is showing disrespect (talking back, saying rude things, acting rudely, or doing something threatening) these things would send up a relationship yellow flag - and quite possible RED flag - IF the mother didn't do anything to rectify the problem. I would always consider verbal abuse (saying "f-u" for example) or physical abuse (grabbing something to hit the parent's partner) as a strong RED flag to the partner (and possibly the parent) to end the relationship and suggest both the child and parent get help or counseling.
This is a possible sign that the relationship has already crossed the "no-go" boundaries of respect because the mother is putting the child first and defending behavior (or not properly disciplining such behavior) as to allow the child to create a barrier between her and her partner. If this is your situation, I suggest you get professional help!
There are certain times where the mother can show love but stop the kid in their tracks if they are talking back, being rude, and so forth. But the times the mother or father must be 100% behind the partner is if the child PHYSICALLY THREATENS or CUSSES at the partner. It can happen. I know - it happened to me. The child was completely over-reacting, being disrespectful, selfish, rude, and immature. The parent, whether mother or father, must not allow disrespectful, rude, and immature behavior towards their partner or they are creating a presedence that backs their partner into a no-man's land.
Are you dealing with something similar? Suggest to your partner that he or she put YOU first - when the child is out of line, there is NO other way. Otherwise, your relationship is likely to have significant issues that may eventually derail your ability to stay together. The bond between parents and their children is THAT strong that yes, it can blow the whole thing up no matter how much you love each other.
Are you a divorced (single) parent of a boy or girl? Are you expecting your partner to be a miracle worker, and somehow be loving towards your kids AND remain aloof when it comes to discipline? Do you realize how impossible a situation you might be putting your partner in? This problem gets worse if you back your kid instead of your hopeful spouse when your loving little child is acting like a spoiled rotten little brat! Now, if your partner is out of line, okay, correct that with them. But there is no reason why children should get away with things that a life partner would not, is there?
Can the child try to undermine the relationship?
What if the child secretly wants you and your partner to break up? IF they then act untowardly towards your partner, is it possible they might undermine your relationship? Darn right they will! It happened to me on two occasions! When this occurs, you're dealing with what's known in counselling circles as a "wedge" in your relationship. If you allow your child (and your partner) to build a wedge, you're in a difficult spot as a parent. Try, at all costs, to eliminate any formations of a wedge at first sign of appearance.
What's the solution?
If you put your focus first on your God, second on your partner, third on your children, you will likely have a more healthy and balanced situation.
I wish American society would stop putting this huge emphasis on "they are my everything" because I'd have been pissed if I'd have been my parent's everything. Frankly, I'm grateful that my parents have their own life, their own friends, and their on interests they pursue. It makes them healthy, happy people. If they lived completely, vicariously through me, they'd be only living part of their life purpose.
And, as you all know, I'm deeply interested in living on purpose.
RED FLAGS: There comes a point when it is clear that a child is getting away with murder: when they can physically threaten your partner and you DEFEND their behavior. Are you allowing this? If you are, YOU are likely the biggest part of the problem. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined, but if you're defending your child's behavior you must know you're not helping your partner build a stronger connection with you.
Are you being threatened by a child of the person you're dating? Are you concerned about this? You ought to be! If this isn't a red flag to you, you're clearly out of touch with relationship road signs. Be careful when you are dating. This is why they call it "dating" instead of marriage. You have an opportunity to spot problems and either solve them together or end the affair. Wouldn't it be better to spot a problem BEFORE tying the knot and ending it before someone got seriously hurt?
That's what I recommend if that's your situation.
My philosophy on relationships is simple: eyes first on God, second on each other, third on family, fourth on friends and career. If you live your life in such a way, you'll have a very happy, very loving family situation - even if you're single and trying to date.
This is how it pens out in my mind, in the matter of spiritual balance and in the matter of RESPECT, it MUST be like this:
GOD COMES FIRST SPOUSE/PARTNER COMES SECOND CHILDREN COME THIRD
It's the only way it all can work. I know this isn't easy. And, I don't claim to be an expert on parenting. But, I HAVE chosen to be the significant other in a relationship where the mother had children on more than one occasion and I can say that if you ALWAYS put the CHILD first you're giving your partner no way to win in the relationship.
Kids: Be kind to your step parents, and the partner's of your parent - it's hard to be in their shoes! Yes, play with the step or dating partner, but also respect their boundaries and mind them as your own parent. You'll get further in the long run if you do.
To the single parent: give your partner first nod above your child when it comes to matters of respect, discipline, love, and then show your child the care - together - that you ought to show them together. Discuss things with your partner and try to understand your partner's point of view. Your life will be much less stressful and much more on purpose if you can achieve this balance.
To the person who dates the single parent: Be patient... you will need forgiveness to minimize the resentment of the child's attention from your partner.
Try suggesting this position of God First, Partner Second, Kids Third, and be true to your values, and don't let children show you disrespect! As the partner of their parent, you deserve to be treated with respect, love, and care. Show them love, give to them, and they ought to respond accordingly. There will be moments where you must release expectation and forgive if you are to date and/or marry (and remain married) to a partner with children. Don't be afraid to honor the signals you're given: GREEN: love, YELLOW: signs of trouble/disrespect, RED: sign of blatant disrespect, verbal abuse, or physical violence - strongly consider leaving/ending the relationship immediately. Always remember that no matter what you do, love is the answer.
If the parent is defending you, even when things get gnarly, you might be able to work through it. If they don't defend you, consider alternative partners. If you're married and in a tough spot (kids are cussing at you, threatening you, or otherwise violating your boundaries), I'd suggest professional counselling for ALL parties involved. If you are not married, I'd suggest you move on because there are other fish in the sea, so to speak.
I write this article in love and gratitude to all the single parents who read this; in love and gratitude for the children who open up to the person who loves their parent; and in love and gratitude to those who date the mothers and fathers who are trying so hard to raise their children well.
This article is provided for entertainment purposes. The author may not be a licensed psychotherapist and suggests you seek help if your situation warrants assistance.
According to Wikipedia, Karōshi (過労死, karōshi: which quite literally means "Death From Overwork", is occupational sudden death. The major medical causes of karōshi deaths are heart attack and stroke due to stress.
Does karōshi (death from overwork) sound fun to you?
Yeah, not to me, either. Yet, I've met many people who are definitely victims of overwork, and quite possibly on their way to a karōshi.
Just yesterday, I met a manager of an aerospace company who shared with me that he oversees a division of 30 direct reports, and 300 more underneath that team. He bragged that "I decide when I can come and go. I decide where I travel." Okay, great. But, guess what? He also confided, "I took only 6 vacation days in the past three years." In my opinion, this fine gentleman is suffering from a karōshi addiction to work.
Usually, Japan's rise from the devastation of World War II to economic prominence in the post-war decades has been regarded as the trigger for what has been called a new epidemic. It was recognized that employees cannot work for twelve or more hours a day, six or seven days a week, year after year, without suffering physically as well as mentally. A recent measurement found that a Japanese worker has approximately two hours overtime a day on average. In almost all cases, the overtime is unpaid. The recent international expansion of Japanese multinationals has also led to an export of the Karōshi culture to countries such as China, Korea and Taiwan.
While this problem may be lesser-known in America, nevertheless it is not unknown in other countries, as well. In the Netherlands, workers are known to overwork. Check this out: according to WebMD's Sid Kirchheimer, people have actually developed "leisure illness," a phenomenon that occurs from getting ill while trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to relax on vacation. The problem? They're so used to overwork that they simply cannot relax. Crazy, huh?
In the United States, the average worker takes 12 vacation days a year. If you ask me, that's nowhere near enough time to balance a person's life. We need at least three weeks - probably four weeks at minimum - to re-balance our lives from our work schedules.
Yet, employers routinely dole-out only two weeks vacation. It's disgusting. Workers need to request MORE vacation and point out how much their health suffers when they don't get to take a break. It's our life - it is up to us to stand-up and speak-out!
In Europe, they seem to have a better handle on work-life-balance. Europeans average 4 to 8 weeks of vacation a year. Clearly, they have a better understanding of the important things in life: experiences with friends and family. The only way to have these quality experiences is to take VACATIONS and TAKE TIME for these important people. Not only that, but it is critical to take a break just to recharge our batteries and refresh our soul.
(Please note: I need to fix this chart - Stress is on the X axis and performance on the Y-axis, but otherwise, everything is correct here.) The point is that our productivity drops dramatically when we are fatigued.
Are you a workaholic?
Are you spending enough time with your loved ones?
Another way to ask this is: are you taking enough vacation and time for life?
If you're a workaholic, you may be heading for a stroke, heart-attack, or stroke. In any event, you're probably more stressed-out and more difficult to be around, because you're not balancing your life.
Do something about this before it is too late. If your loved ones have been expressing worry about how much you work, take a break. If you notice that you're getting more stressed-out than you used to, why not build in a few more vacations each year and take more weekends away from the Blackberry, computer, and cell phone?
Sometimes, the answer isn't to take Prozac but rather to take a vacation.
Remember: in the end, we do not take our company with us, our paychecks do not go with us, nor does the debt, nor the toys, when we pass away. In the end, the only thing that matters most is the quality time we spend with those we love the most. Most often, those people are our friends and family members.
In the military, there are obvious results from stress and fatigue. Officers frequently report that "exhausted men offer little more worth than dead men" in many cases. I've seen this first hand. When, in a strategy game simulation playing "Rome: Total War" I noticed a huge difference in performance in my troops when they were stressed. For example, in examining the difference between a "fresh" unit, a "warmed-up" unit, a "tired" unit, and "exhausted" unit, my "fresh" units far outperformed equally equipped, talented, staffed, and trained "exhausted" units. In addition, units placed in unfair position (downhill vs. an uphill force), units "surprised" by an enemy, and units in fear of a superior force (such as infantry vs. cavalry or cavalry vs. elephants) also fared poorly. When mismatched, it is obvious that troops will suffer undue stress, and that stress will cause the unit to break, flee, and become routed by the enemy.
How are we any different in our work life?
If you are a workaholic, I suggest you seek out professional assistance from a doctor, career therapist, or other professional. Also, why not seek out a "life coach" to help you rebalance your life before you die of karōshi? Ultimately, your life will be far more balanced and you ought to experience higher happiness.
Want to learn more about Gogi Berries, but more than that, have a laugh or two from this fun video poking a bit of fun at people in the healthy/world/YOGA lifestyle?
It's "Ogden, The Inappropriate Yoga Guy"!
Of course, in reality, yoga is becoming amazingly popular as a way to release toxins, stretch our body out, and improve our flexibility.
Note: although I shared this video, please know that I'm a proponent of the "yoga" lifestyle as it is wise to eat healthier, keep our bodies in shape, and have a spiritual discipline (as well as religion).
I'm personally involved with a group that promotes "dance" and "freedom of movement" that offers both a spiritual and physical experience, on top of being a dance and music experience. As a musician and a dancer, I can say there is benefit to checking out such movements, getting into it, and letting go of the worry of what people might think of us for getting "free" like that. I've found it often to be more spiritual than playing my sax in church or praying.
If you're ever on the Central Coast, check it out: http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/324097/ this was a post from the November '07 session. We'll be there again, so tune in to the Yum Session email list (I can connect you with Philip if you're interested). Otherwise, check out your own home-town scene and discover the fun of music and movement.
So, have some fun, check out the scene, and get involved in healthier ways of living. Just be careful you do it appropriately! _______________________________________________________
Are you wondering what New Year's Resolutions people are setting this year?
In a release this week over the Businesswire, FranklinCovey (NYSE:FC), a global leader in effectiveness training, productivity tools, and assessment services, today released the results of its third annual New Year's Resolutions Survey, which polled 15,031 customers. The survey found that respondents' top three New Year's resolutions or goals for 2008 are to (1) get out of debt or save money, (2) lose weight, and (3) develop a healthy habit like exercise or healthy eating.
The Top 10 New Year's resolutions or goals were ranked as follows:
TOP 10 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2008 1. Get out of debt or save money 2. Lose weight 3. Develop a healthy habit (e.g., exercise or healthy eating) 4. Get organized 5. Develop a new skill or talent 6. Spend more time with family and friends 7. Other 8. Work less, play more 9. Break an unhealthy habit (e.g., smoking, alcohol, overeating) 10. Change employment
The survey also found that 35 percent of respondents break their New Year's resolutions by the end of January and only 23 percent of those surveyed don't ever break them. Nearly 40 percent of those surveyed attribute breaking their resolutions to having too many other things to do, while 33 percent say they are not committed to the resolutions they set.
Interesting survey, don't you think? If only 2/3 of people are truly interested in their resolutions, and of those only 23 % follow-through, then people are obviously closely following the Pareto principle, where 20% of people do and 80% of people either watch them or just try to do, without action succeeding. Notice that commitment is a mental promise to our own self. Making or breaking, on the other hand, is an ACTION word. So, to me, the first key to success with your resolution or goal is to have the proper mindset. Then, take the right action to achieve the goal. If you have the right mindset, finding the choices and making the right actions are far easier.
When it comes to recommendations, I expect myself to achieve over 80% of my goals. However, if you set too many goals, you'll struggle to achieve them all. So, set a simple goal, get the right mindset, and then keep the goal in mind until you achieve your vision.
I suggest you keep one primary goal in mind. In order to succeed, you must set the right mental thinking around your goal. You must first associate pain with NOT achieving your goal.
The first goal from the survey is to get out of debt and save money. With the skyrocketing credit problem in America and other countries, clearly debt is a huge problem for many, many people. So, say your primary goal is to get out of debt.
First, make a list of all the negatives, in terms of events, charges, cost, stress-level, fun-factor, and influence on all areas of your life that this debt is having on you. I know - debt can be a bummer! Now, before you get too frustrated and give up, make a NEW LIST.
The second list will include of all the BENEFITS - both in fact and emotion - that you will receive from saving money and getting yourself in the black. These may include ability to go out, buy what you want, do what you want, launch that company you've dreamed of, and also impact your weight, friendships, dating/relationship, and more. After all, dating with no dough isn't easy! It's also hard to have as much fun without money. So, getting out of debt might FREE you to do so much MORE with your life!
You want to make sure you use EMOTIONAL words when you associate the benefit. Here's an example of how I would set a goal to get out of debt and get financially free to save and get my money working for me:
Eliminate Debt: I will eliminate struggle with finances, earn more than I make, and pay off all of my debt. I will resolve, negotiate, and clear my name of all debts and get my credit clean. The feeling I get from my debt is burden, negative, and restraining me from doing all I need to with my friends, love, family, and business. It also impacts my ability to grow and do what I want. This makes me feel more stressed-out and causes mental worry that distracts me from my purpose.
SHIFT TO NEW THOUGHT:
My finances are healthy and in order. I pay my bills ahead of time. I earn more money than I spend each month. I am able to save through my 401K, IRA, savings accounts, and put money away for my future needs. I am able to do what I want, when I want, because I have the financial wealth that supports me. I attract riches and earnings in abundant ways that are both pleasantly surprising and timely. People are drawn to give money to me and contribute towards my goals and objectives. I feel so alive with my financial health! My financial future excites me, and I can see and feel the difference in how I can contribute to make a difference in the world with my financial resources that I accumulate. I experience joy through abundance. Waves of money come to me and give me freedom and flexibility to save, spend, or use my money wisely. I love the way I feel when I save money and have all the money in the bank I need to support my dreams, life, and goals.
Do not put your focus on the first list. Many people make this mistake and therefore miss out on their potential to manifest the law of attraction.
After you write both of these, I strongly suggest you BURN the first list, and keep ONLY the SECOND LIST. This is how you shift your thinking, eliminate the old, and move to focus only upon what you want.
Now, to achieve and put the focus of this second thought statement's benefits into reality, read this list EVERY DAY for 40 days. Tape it to your mirror where you get ready in the morning. Read it after you shave or put on facial lotion. Read it out loud, while looking yourself in the eye (goals tend to manifest better when we connect with our own soul physically).
After 40 days, see how much progress you're making. Evaluate, refocus, and continue to grow in realizing your goal!
If you were once in love, and if you were once good friends, wouldn't it be wise to end it like you started, to the extent possible? There are a few good rules to abide by in breaking off a relationship.
How to Break Up:
1. Be nice. Let them know you enjoyed their company, had some good times, and wish them well in the future.
Maybe you're thinking, "Scott, you're nuts. There's no way I'm going to give her flowers while I'm dumping her." Or, "Scott, are you outta sight or what? I'm not giving him a massage and showing up with garter belts under my dress when I'm telling him to get lost!" I know, it's hard. BUT, all I can say is that through any difficult situation, as well as any FUN situation, the same basic rule of life still applies: LOVE is the ANSWER!
PLEASE keep in mind that I'm NOT saying "go back and do it again, baby" because I know that cyclic relationships are usually unhealthy relationships. And unhealthy relationships ought not be continued for the better of all parties involved. I'm just saying be kind, be respectful, be good, be polite, be decent. Is it that hard?
2. When you break up, offer encouragement, if possible. Example: "I hope you find the love you seek."
3. During a break-up is not the time to tell them everything that is wrong with them. This is not the time to tell them all the things they messed up on during the relationship. If you intend to do this, do it with a counselor, not to your partner. If they ask, "why are you breaking up with me," tell them one or two key things that are unchangeable about the situation or that you see as not working for you or the both of you. In your description, be very simple (don't say more than you need to), be specific, and be positive by framing each negative around two positives (PNP approach). Don't lie or tell them it's you not them. Just make it about CIRCUMSTANCES rather than personality. That's the nice thing to do.
4. Initially, do not continue to write them, call them, contact them, or ask for anything back besides the first time you ask for it (Occasionally, people do weird things to "get back" at their ex-lover, such as keeping their stuff. If this happens and your things are very valuable or quite important to you, and they refuse to return them within two weeks, let them know you'll be alerting authorities unless they return the items within a week. If they do not return them within this time, follow through and you'll likely get your things back.) Otherwise, consider it the same as if a thief had stolen from you at random. You'll get over it, regardless of what they keep. But minimize all contact during the break up.
5. If you work or go to school with your ex, be cordial but let it go at that. If they decide to be friends with you later, it should be the person who was dumped to reach out and make that happen. If you were the dumper, rather than dumpee, then you should reach out when you are comfortable that you've moved on from the relationship and let them know you intend to be friends, but I do not suggest doing this during the initial breakup period. I once knew a woman who continued working her old job where her ex also worked. She talked about how she was broken up "but not really out of it" for MONTHS after the break-up. Years, in fact. If working together makes the situation particularly difficult, I suggest finding a new place of employment. It will be better in the long run for both of you.
6. Remember to smile. Remember to pray. Remember that you will get through your break-up and try to keep yourself happy. When you get down, look up - it raises the spirits. If you get bummed out, work out. If you get stressed, play music, learn to paint, learn something new. whatever, just don't sit there and stew in bad feelings.
7. When you break up, it is good if you can end up friends. If you can't figure that out within one year, let it go. When you are comfortable, try to reach out in a positive way, and at least let them know that you wish them well. This is a positive way to reset closure in case the initial breakup ended with resentments. It can also be helpful to forgive each other, and to accept each other's offer of forgiveness. Forgiveness is important to release anger, resentment, and negative bonding cords so that you may love again in the future. Remember, show mercy. As you show mercy to others, so it will be that mercy will be shown to you.
8. When you break up, don't surprise anybody. If you're thinking about ending it, you ought to have had some discussion about how the relationship isn't working for you. Don't just one day, out of the blue, say "I'm done," and leave. That's not cool. Is that how you'd want to be treated? If things aren't working, you ought to have been communicating what hasn't worked for a period of MONTHS, or certainly at least days. The break-up shouldn't come as a surprise.
9. Unlike in the movie, The Break-Up, starring Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn, don't tell your guy you want to break up, if in fact you really are just trying to get him to notice and show appreciation for you. Breaking up is a terminator. He likely will act as a guy who has been dumped rather than more appreciative (as in the movie) and it will backfire on you, big-time.
I'd recommend you make an effort to break up in a loving way. You never know, you just might get back together and wouldn't want to regret what you said. Also, what would you want someone to say to you? The golden rule is a wise rule to follow when you break up.
Learn more about how to deal with a break-up at AspireNow:
PMS is a challenge for many women. Surviving a woman's PMS is a challenge for many men. When a woman has PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome), a man often tries to wrestle with what to do about this phenomenon with the women we love: how can we still love this woman when she suddenly asks strange questions or behaves in ways that don't run logically with other times?
Women, on the other hand, are coping with PMS symptoms that often make it difficult to feel happy or normal.
"This is where a lot of confusion has arisen because over 150 symptoms can be classed as PMS. These can include:
Mood swings Irritability Anxiety and tension Bloating Breast tenderness and swelling Water retention Acne Tiredness Weight gain Headaches/migraines Crying Spells Depression Sugar and food cravings Constipation Dizziness
Quite a list! Personality changes associated with this time can be very severe with some women describing a Jekyll and Hyde change where they literally become a different person pre-menstrually." Dr. Glenville goes on in her website to discuss the difference between anxiety, craving, hypdration, and depression symptoms. I'll keep it a little more basic, here, and deal more with how we RELATE to each other during times of PMS.
If your woman starts asking questions like:
Do you still love me? Does this dress make my butt look fat? Did you take out the trash this morning like I asked you (when you know it's not even trash day)?
Or, perhaps she demonstrates a sudden burst of anger that defies logic. Well, guys, consider your responses carefully. I saw a film doing a parody on PMS and one comment they used to sum up the feelings a woman experiences during PMS as "somewhere between Christmas and being BURIED ALIVE!" So, perhaps, it might help to have a sense of humor about the matter.
This video, albeit from a male perspective, offers some amusing tips to PMS (complete with a new definition for the acronym!
When your woman says "honey, do I look fat?" Don't answer "YES" because the question is a trick question! Instead, do like the guy does in this video:
Honey, may I draw a hot bath for you... with your favorite bubbles? Because, I really love you, and thought you might appreciate it. B-I-N-G-O! Ha!
Now, say, he had said, "yes, you look fat." Then what?
Well, he had better be prepared to run before the next available object (near her) finds its way to the back of his head!
But, then, being a guy, I couldn't help but think of the classic ways to better manage the physical challenges of PMS and perhaps finding ways to MINIMIZE it. These are not things you can suggest to a women DURING her PMS cycle. However, they might be useful later. And, for women, these might be ways you can minimize the crying meltdowns or episodes of unexplained anger or frustration.
Women, do you have PMS? Well, maybe this is one you can forward to the man in your life. We all can use a little more understanding to help each other build more love. Beyond that, maybe these tips (not from me, but from doctors and other women) can help minimize this troublesome period each month.
Solutions for women:
1. Get medication. For heaven's sake, how can you expect the rest of the world to "just deal with it" when it isn't anything logical or expected! There's a lot of good medication out there to help minimize and balance hormones. Just be aware of the side effects and seek medical advice, of course. Caution: I'm not giving medical advice here. Before taking any drug, talk to a licensed practitioner about what is best for you.
2. Try herbs. Sometimes, it can be better to take herbs than a drug. However, with any herb or drug, these can produce certain side affects. Make sure you talk with a licensed practitioner who specialized in herb treatments, and also be careful if you're taking the pill or other supplements/drugs that might interact with the herb. Again, I'm not dispensing medical information and I strongly recommend that you begin any herbal or medical treatments under the care of a licensed doctor or specialist.
3. Vitamins. Again, my caution/disclaimer applies, but according to Dr. Glenville, the following vitamins have been found useful:
4. If you find the urge to yell at someone for something, refrain. Remember, you might have something going on to justify feeling angry or hurt, but that may be magnified by your symptoms of PMS. If that is the case, why say something now that you'll regret later. Apologies only go so far and I've never been one to agree with the concept that [PMS = Get Out Of Jail Free card]. I know, it seems like it ought to be, though.
Maybe a better idea is to EXERCISE whenever you feel like yelling or crying. Sometimes, we can work out our emotions by physically moving our body. And I'm not talking about taking a swing at the man standing closest to you, either!
5. Do NOTHING different. That's right, just go on being mean, emo, and bitchy. There, I said it. Does that give you permission to be mean? Is that better?
I really don't know. I'm not sure it will make the people AROUND YOU like you any better, though!
6. Write the author of this article a flame message. If it really helps, write me hate mail. If it saves the man in your life the abuse, I can take it. Better yet, why not just write it, then delete it! Once you get it out of your system, it will probably be easier to go on with life. That's my rule of thumb: write it out, then save it to the draft folder. Two days later read it again. If anything is negative in there, delete it! I had to learn this one the hard way, unfortunately.
7. Improve your diet. Besides herbs, drugs, or vitamins, there are other dietary steps you can take to remain balanced.
8. Retreat a little from society. If you know you experience particularly difficult PMS, you might want to keep your calendar and block these days off and put your PEAK PERFORMANCE on other days. After all, if you know you get migraines during PMS, why schedule that big presentation during this day. Or, why make this the day of the big party. It's like putting an elephant in the room before the party ever happens. And, if you've ever seen the movie with Peter Sellers called, "The Party" you'll know that elephants at parties create one wild party.
Hmm. I could go on, but I think I've covered enough for now. If you're still struggling, seek professional help!
Okay, I can't just talk to women. If would be unfair, right? Surely, there's more than one man who will read this article. Just so you know I've got ideas for you, too, men. Guys, check this list out!
Solutions for men:
1. Relate to her.
Besides taking Monthly Man, what can you do to help relate to a surge of hormones rushing through your body every 28 days? Well, you certainly can't TALK about it. Yes, this is a no-no. All you can do is act in ways that show you understand. Yeah... I know... easy... (er, not)... I was tempted to just put a blank in this section. There aren't any EASY solutions!
2. Mark your calendar! In some cases, it is better to just be gone during this time. If you're dating, this is easier to arrange than if you live together. This is often why a man will create his own little kingdom out "in the garage". It's a place to escape during, eh, certain times of the month. ;)
3. Be aware of changes in behavior. If you live with or are around a woman who experiences strong PMS cycles, take note, and stay on-guard in future months. If you've been attacked once, or if you've experienced unusually high emotional swings, this might be something to look out for in, eh, 28 days. Just a word of caution, guys.
4. Make sure your woman eats regularly (balanced sugar levels help) or make sure she gets an extra dose of chocolate during this time! I've noticed that I am also affected by sugar levels. It is important to eat regularly, eat healthy, and exercise regularly no matter what our gender.
5. Don't initiate sex. Come on. Get a clue. Why do you think this is an issue with women, guys? If a woman's body is going through a rash of hormone changes (as in flushing out), she is likely not feeling as good as normal. Let her initiate during this time. It's just a wise idea. Then again, I have a friend who is a bit chauvenistic who thinks he should just "take" his woman and she'll thank him later. Apparently she says sex makes her PMS symptoms diminish. Every woman is different, no? Well, I can't recommend this, for obvious reasons. Just learn what works best in your relationship and be respectful of each other's wants and needs.
6. Rather than telling her she looks tired, tell her she is still as pretty as the day you met her. Oops, I might have just recommended you lie to her. But, guys, the truth is, sometimes a lie will help soothe strange emotion better than logic. Better than a lie is this: let her know she is SPECIAL to you. That's really what she wants to know the most, anyway. Be smart, treat her special - whether during PMS or not!
7. Offer to do something nice for her. Not what YOU would normally think is nice for her, but what SHE would normally think is nice for her. Examples include picking up your things around the house. Pampering her a little (like drawing a bath). Cooking the meal. Doing the dishes. All of that type of stuff might help you during these days her "friend" is coming to visit.
8. Give her a gift. Remember the expression "diamonds are a girls best friend"? Actually, most gifts of jewelry, perfume, lotions (ooh, you can even add a massage with the lotion), and more show her you still love her. Rather than answer that question with words, answer it with a gift. Hey, if it works at other times, it might work now, too. Just don't be surprised if she criticizes the gift is she doesn't like it!
9. Don't make excuses for things. Don't go around like a pansy saying "I'm sorry" for everything. Just say this: "You're right. I'm wrong." Nothing else you say is likely to matter at this time. If nothing else helps, well, THEN say "I'm sorry!" (Saying this once, used last, can be effective.)
9. Don't ask if she is on PMS (or on anything ELSE). And, whatever you do, do NOT mention any word that might pop up in a thesaurus as related to CLOTH (hint: GAR spelled backwards)! If someone is having an anger episode, you're probably not going to find THIS the best time to suggest anger management. You know what I mean?
As with most of my articles, I'll remind you that love is an action word, as much as a doing word. So, act smart. Act loving. And if all else fails, RUN!
I wish I had all the answers on this one. Truth is, like most men, I don't. And for double-jeopardy PMS (PMS in lesbian couples), ladies, you're on your own on that one!
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Note: I know I took a humourous look at this subject. But, in all seriousness, if PMS is causing serious havoc in your life, please seek out medical help from a qualified specialist. Why put yourself through monthly torture? Why put those around you through mood swings? Life can be better! As with all of our articles, our focus is on helping people love more. Love is always the answer.
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This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. Videos are copyright their respective owners. All rights reserved. No infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: The contents of this site are for information only and are intended to assist readers in identifying symptoms and conditions they may be experiencing. This site is not intended to be a substitute for taking proper medical advice and should not be relied upon in this way. Always consult a qualified doctor or health practitioner, especially if you are pregnant, taking the pill or on any medication. Your situation will need to be looked at individually and you should not attempt to self treat. The author and publisher cannot accept responsibility for illness arising out of the failure to seek medical advice from a doctor.
The views expressed by third parties placing material on these pages are not representative of the views of the author or publisher. The Author and Publisher cannot monitor the content not produced by us and has not reviewed all the third party material published on this site and the Author and Publisher accept no liability whatsoever in relation to the content of third party material placed on these pages.
Some of the biggest challenges we create for ourselves are the expectations we put on life and our relationships.
In utilizing the LAW of ATTRACTION, it is important that we realize what type of expectations can draw success and what type of expectations draw frustration. How are you handling your expectations? Are you expecting gifts on your birthday? Do you expect a promotion or a raise at work? What does it mean if it doesn't happen?
Expectation creates an atmosphere leading to "no-win" situations. For example, say if you are always on time but your friend is frequently late. They try, but they are just late everywhere they go. By your nagging or getting upset with them do you think they will suddenly start becoming a punctual person?
What is it we expect? Are our expectations realistic? At times we can enjoy our life more by lowering the bar of expectations. Often, I am my own best critic when it comes to demands on what I can or am supposed to do. Perhaps this drives me to do more and be more. Other times it creates stress that detracts from achieving my goals.
In Maurice Attie's article on Reconciliation, Maurice states that before a holistic lawyer will accept a case they require you to sign a statement releasing all expectations of the outcome of your case. This requires trust in your decision -- and comfort level with your attorney. Holistic lawyers require this statement because when we release our problem to heal within then we are comfortable with the way God, nature, and spirit will work in the situation.
As the expression from the Lord's Prayer in The Bible goes, "not my will, but thy will be done" applies here quite nicely, no matter what faith we come from.
The biggest challenge with expectation is that an expectation is OUR WILL rather than an implicit TRUST in God, Spirit, or the Law of ATTRACTION to provide WHAT IS BEST FOR US. Perhaps we don't get that raise at work because we've got OTHER fish to fry - another job, another career, or even our own venture might be more important, and if we got the raise we'd stay where we are. So, the frustration caused by not getting the promotion or the raise creates a desire within us to do something different: and that something is what is actually for our GREATEST GOOD.
And that ought to be what we are seeking: our HIGHEST, GREATEST GOOD. Not our selfish, most immediately gratifying good.
By releasing expectation (surrender) we also enable creativity to flourish. If there are no rules or expected outcomes in a situation, then the situation is free to flow as it will. It is as if we pull away the banks from the river and let the water choose how it would like to flow.
An understanding of the situation and faith in our angel guides can help with trusting the expectation to forces not entirely in our control. This trust does enable us to be more free and experience more abundance and live a simpler, yet more elegant life.
I was listening to a program today about health and wellness programs. You know, so many people are focused on thinning their waistline, diets, workouts, but even more people are taking prescriptions for problems with energy, brain power (mental clarity), focus, stress, joint-comfort, and other diseases.
Are you looking for peak performance in your work, play and daily tasks?
I might have a solution for you, as simple as a daily drink of water (or other liquid), that costs less than a Starbucks cup of coffee.
Still here? Cool. I'll take the attention from your eyeballs as an expression of interest and permission to share more.
I recently got involved with a product that is delivering on this promise of lower stress, optimal health, higher joint flexibility, and better mental clarity. These are all things that, in running a site like AspireNow, I always have interest in learning more. How about you?
In just a short time after learning about it, the stories about this product are incredible.
For example, a friend of mine said she started taking this juice supplement after being diagnosed with Lupus (a mysterious blood condition). She started taking Xperia and after only one month was given a CLEAN bill of health.
Personally, I found that my mental accuity is more focused, my sense of taste and smell seems heightened, and more than that, the pain I'd experienced for the past year in my foot and hand WENT AWAY! Pain in the hand, which, by the way, a doctor had told me to "just live with it, you're getting older." I'm a saxophone player, so I can't have my hands hurt and play optimally.
My bass player, Jamie, who gifted me product to introduce me to this daily supplement, stopped going to the chiropractor and took off a knee brace he'd worn for 10 years after using this supplement regularly. As a result, his work production in his masonry business went up dramatically. He went back into his chiropractor's office with a box of this liquid supplement. The chiropractor said, "I haven't seen you in a while, Jamie, what's up?" Jamie said, "well, try this, Doc, and you'll find out why."
Shoot, if you ask me, CEO's ought to gift every employee in their company this product. Isn't productivity good for the bottom line? How much money do companies lose on "sick time" for mental, stress, and health issues?
Professional athlete coaches ought to get their athletes (and other personnel) using it... teachers ought to get their parents to give it to kids. One story I haven't personally experienced, but heard about from Jamie, was this kid who took Univera's products and went from being a "D" student, diagnosed with ADD problems, to an "A" student (with remarks about how quickly he changed and improved his focus).
I'm not giving you a sales pitch. This stuff doesn't need one. I just want people to get involved and at least TRY it. What could you lose? Yes, ask your doctor first. But try it... I'll offer it to you without charging you for your first try, that's how much I believe in it.
I can't promise that you'll have this same result, but if you're going to a chiropractor, taking meds, trying to lose weight (and struggling with it), experiencing pain, or simply want to live longer and sustain PEAK PERFORMANCE, visit my Abundance Awaits You website, sign up for the free gift, and try it out. Why am I gifting this free? Because I care about HELPING PEOPLE. You probably already know that from reading the articles at AspireNow.
This is the only mention I'll make of this at my blog. I'll post more at http://www.advancedbreakthroughs.com/ and also probably a page that describes more at AspireNow in the future. As you can tell, I'm excited about Univera's products enough to post them here on the A-blog - but, hey, it's about SELF-HELP. I haven't had a product that literally healed me of pain (other than a temporary drug) and delivered on the promise before like this one, so can you blame me?
P.S. - There IS a business opportunity if you wish to share the product with your friend, too. I won't go into details on that, except to say that people are making anywhere from $500 to $27,000 per month (not kidding) after getting involved in this program. Just try the Univera product yourself for a while, and if you're convinced that you like the product, why not share it with others? I'll help you get started if you're interested. Also, there's a link for that at my site, too:
Note: claims are true personal stories of the author and two of his friends. Your individual results obviously may vary. According to the FDA guidelines, consult a physician before beginning any supplemental diet program.
(Please note: I need to fix this chart - Stress is on the X axis and performance on the Y-axis, but otherwise, everything is correct here.) The point is that our productivity drops dramatically when we are fatigued.
