Thursday, April 24, 2008

Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment

Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment, by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.com

Do you have guilt and resentment?

Perhaps you recently were in a fight or dispute with someone you loved. Did you say things you regret? Perhaps worded things in a way that hurt a friend? Maybe you mis-spoke, or failed to say something that might have mattered. Whatever the case, it sounds like guilt. And guilt like this leads to resentment, which leads to frustration and disconnection in our relationships.

Are you saying to yourself, "If only I had done...?"
Are you thinking, "I shouldn't have said those things... I was so mean..."
Are you thinking, "I should do this now, or do that now...."

These types of things are all forms of guilt.

You will notice guilt through the pain in your shoulders. Notice the word "should" and the word "shoulder"... where do you think the "should's" go in your body? That's right! Directly to your shoulders. So, if you're carrying around guilt, it is more than likely that you have pain or stiffness in your shoulders. This pain may even be running down your arms or up your neck, if you're in extreme guilt mode. I've also read that you can also find pain from guilt in your ankles. So, if you're having ankle pain, release guilt, too.

How can you get out of this pain from guilt?

Answer: You can get rid of the guilt by letting go of resentment.

Let go of the guilt and resentment. Stop harboring these thoughts and thinking those "If only..." types of thoughts. The fact of the matter is, you didn't. The only thing we can control now is what we DO NOW.

More causes of guilt and solutions to dealing with guilt:

Often, we have guilt when we were trying to control another person. This can happen when we are trying to manipulate their behavior. Or, when we're trying to withdraw from them and they don't listen. Both are forms of manipulation.

Giving someone the cold shoulder can create guilt. After all, the cold shoulder is cold from heart to shoulder. Offering them an ear, only to be told how you were wrong and they were right, well, this can create guilt, too. Release trying to control other people. The only person you can control is yourself. When you release that attempt at control, you release the guilt that has built within you. Just let the guilt go and breath through your body. Relax your shoulders and let yourself feel love again to let go of guilt. It's there for the taking if you want it.

Other times, we might have guilt when we did something that hurt someone. Let's face it, hurting other people is sometimes a part of life. We may not have meant to hurt them, or perhaps we said something in response to something they triggered in us. In any event, I need to point out that guilt from hurting someone can be assuaged by apologizing; however, after the initial apology you must just let it go. Leave the past in the past and focus on happier things in the future.

Another form of guilt happens when someone was overbearing with us. In that situation, we may feel guilty that we didn't do what they wanted. More likely, we might feel guilt over allowing them to dominate us. After all, we have our own inner voice. Can't we listen to that and heed the call? We think these thoughts, and they create guilt within us. This guilt will also built up pain in your body. Let it go. You cannot control what other people do. You did what you did, the past is the past. Leave it there. Some people want to be dominated, others like dominating, and it isn't the end of the world. Just reclaim who you are, let your shoulders be strong and back again, and let your guilt go free. You'll feel better when you do.

Last, we might have guilt over something done to us. That type of guilt is more about shame or embarrassment. That type of guilt can be due to abuse, or perhaps someone left us, or maybe they rejected us. That type of guilt is also something we cannot control. We cannot control whether or not someone wants to be with us. If they do not wish to be with us, that is their choice. Respect their choice, and let go of the expectation that we needed them. We didn't NEED them. We don't need anybody or anything. All we need is love, and that love comes from within first. We may have WANTED them, but there is a clear difference. Release the NEED for another person and let the guilt over things done or not done for us go. Relax your shoulders again and get your moxie back.

If you've been feeling guilt and resentment you can also feel the opposite: acceptance and forgiveness. When you are successful at releasing the guilt and accepting what is, and then releasing resentment through forgiving the past, you are ready to embrace the future again with refreshed shoulders and a refreshed body. This article focused more on guilt than resentment. I've got an article on forgiveness that also helps with resentment here.
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5 comments:

Susan Kledzik said...

Scott, this is a great article!

Guilt has the lowest vibration of any emotion. Surprisingly more than anger and fear! Where anger and fear relate mostly to outside events and circumstances, guilt has an intense effect on oneself both emotionally and physically, which can even attract other lower energies.

Fear, although they say is the only evil, is much easier to
"cover up" than guilt and resentment. When one feels guilty, you can see it in their eyes, in their smile, and even in their stride. It is as if life slows down and you've become indifferent toward the beauty of life.

You've hit the nail on the nose! You have to let go of resentment. As the saying goes, "It’s not about seeing different things, but seeing with new eyes."

You can change circumstances and inner emotions and feelings just by finding the beauty within the other or within the circumstance.

Thank you for sharing this very informative and eye opening article! :)

Seriously Fun Self-help! said...

Hi Susan, I'm glad the article moved you! I believe the cure for guilt is to examine acceptance and forgiveness in more detail. I'm also researching light-sound-purity-healings as alternative therapy for people with serious guilt issues.

Susan Kledzik said...

That sounds very interesting! Let me know when you come across something so that I may check it out:)

I know that for me, I was able to forgive all the pain in my life through dreams. I had some amazing dreams that healed memories that I didn't even know were lodged in there. But, I have to say that I haven't really gone through anything immensely painful as I can imagine others have.

There is a very powerful excerpt in one of Dr. Wayne Dyer's book, "Inspiration".

Let me know what you find:)

Anonymous said...

Glad you are working to help with guilt.
Have you had survivor guilt; why should i be alive when my love died. ?


I can't use a religious answer..

Seriously Fun Self-help! said...

Hello Anon,

Re: survivor guilt, I'm not sure it's different than break-up guilt. you're alive because you still have life left to live. What you need to focus on is YOUR unique talents, gifts, and strength to bring more love, more fun, more perspective, and more of whatever you offer into the world.

That is why you are here. The reason why they are no longer here is they had either fulfilled their purpose or they had stopped trying to fulfill it for so long (a broken contract with life) that their spirit failed in some way. Sometimes, when someone is taken suddenly, we do not understand why they are gone. It could have happened to me February 24, 2008 (read my post on Gratitude from around that date). I suppose we simply need to remember that whoever is in our life now is here for a reason and we must embrace the moment of life, love, learning, and laughter in each of those moments with our friends, loved ones, and even sometimes strangers.

Hope this helps (I refrained from the typical - give it all to God answer that doesn't make sense to me, either).

~ Scott

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