Sunday, April 13, 2008

If You Don't Get What You Want What Do You Do?

Do you know what to do if you don't get what you want?

It's a question I recently dealt with in part of my life. I've seen other people struggle with relationships, and noticed they were dating "bad boys" but then they kept dating bad boys when they'd choose their next partner. They then wondered why they weren't getting the lasting love they sought.

Someone else wanted a better career, but kept on going to the drudgery of the job because they had to pay their bills. They wanted something else, but never took enough action to warrant anything other than what they got.

Another friend keeps talking about losing weight. But, they just aren't committed to a lifestyle of healthy eating, physical activity, and regular meals to make sure they lose the extra weight and get in shape.

Is this you?

Clearly, if we aren't getting what we want, we are probably not taking the right ACTIONS to warrant the reward from the Universe to come our way.

What's the solution?

I hate to make it sound simple, but I think it starts here:


When we focus on what we want, we can make a plan. Then, we must work our plan to realize what we want. For example, I decided this past week that I want to be more physically active now that my foot and shoulder have healed. So, the first thing is to focus on being more physically active.


Next, we must have a priority to do what we're focused upon. If we cannot keep our commitments or make an extra effort, nothing will happen. I remember the first time I was invited to play with a band with my saxophone. I was scared. I wasn't sure if I could play what they wanted, or even if they'd like how I played. The first time I showed up, I was rusty. That band decided I wasn't their guy. The next time I was invited to a different band, I was scared, again! I decided to go and was SO GLAD I did, later. I recall playing with that band for five years and together created some of the most memorable nights out in my life and some really fun gigs. You see, I had to feel the fear but do it anyway in order to live that dream.

It was similar when I wanted to "sit in" with various jazz acts. I found out that if I showed up with my sax at a club, invariably, the band leader would ask me "What's in the case?" and I could get invited to play. It took initiative to make it a priority to practice, go out to the club, and wait until I got my chance.

With my new exercise goal, I've played golf one day, tennis the next, salsa dancing the following day, swimming the next, and today I hope to go for a bike ride or lift some weights. I pretty much made it an objective to do something for 30 minutes to 2 hours EVERY DAY. I feel happy about this new goal and my progress towards it already!


When we get bogged down with pressure from other activities or responsibilities, it is easy to lose focus and quit the activities that lead to getting what we want. It is important to dig in on those times when it would be easy to blow off the activity and do it anyway.

Are trying to get a new career started?

In order to get what you want with your career you might need to work on weekends or in the evening after dinner even after you'd rather relax and watch television. Are you committed to do this even when you are tired and your candle is burning low?

Are you trying to lose weight?

In order to get what you want with your health you might need to change your diet, avoid fast food, quit drinking alcohol, and start working out for an hour four times a week. Are you committed to do this even when you're tired or missing the old food?

Are you trying to make/save more money?

In order to get what you want with money you might need to make sure you stop spending unnecessarily and saving that money in a special bank account, instead. Are you committed to giving up the spontaneous shopping habit or buying frivolous things you don't need? Are you committed to putting money to work for you in new ways?

Are you trying to learn a new hobby?

In order to get what you want with your hobbies (art, sports, music, etc.) you might need to make sure you pick up the instrument for two hours and play for a while, buy paints and start to paint at least three times a week, or do other things. I find that we must do something at least three times a week in order to develop a new hobby. You can develop some level of competence with a couple of hours effort at least three times a week.


If you're struggling to get what you want, you probably lost focus on your effort or things you're developing somewhere along the way. Yet, the problem may be deeper than that. If your core beliefs don't support your new "want" then you probably won't get what you want! What you want to get must be aligned with your core beliefs, so if you're missing, take a look at that map and make sure they align with each other. The thing you want must match your belief system in order to manifest it.

Do you need a new belief? Put a penny in your shoe! If you attach a touchstone or other object to your new belief, it can be valuable to repeat the mantra, repeat the activity, or put some other reminder, such as a penny in your shoe, to remind you of your goals. You must keep it there for 21 days, and even better if you go for 40 days. These are magic numbers, so take advantage of them!

It's always fun to set new goals and map out what we most want for your life. If you haven't done it in a while, take inventory of where you're at with social, health, spiritual, family, friendships, hobbies, career, education/learning, and so on. Set a few new goals that match your value system and have fun accomplishing what you so deserve to manifest.

If you're really stumped about this whole process, I strongly recommend my life purpose e-book, which will totally help you get on track. Just make sure you take an two hours a day for the first week to complete the exercises in the workbook!

You can buy my life purpose e-workbook here:

If what you desire matches your core values then you most likely deserve to get what you want!
So, instead of moping about or griping about not getting what you want, shift your focus, get excited and committed to the new objective, take actions that support the activity, and remain committed to the goal. Life is, after all, what we make of it.

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