Where Is God When It Hurts?

(Image used with permission from FreeRangeStock.com.)

Having been through serious heartache this past year, I can totally relate with anyone who is struggling with the question: "WHERE IS GOD WHEN IT HURTS?"

When we hurt it may feel like God is not even there at all.

I want you to know that you CAN get through the pain of failure, break-up, loss, or other life challenge that causes you pain.

How do I know? Because GOD is ALWAYS there.

You see, the only thing is that God will HONOR OUR CHOICES. If we chose to be in certain situations, and certain events unfold due to those choices, it is within the power of GOD to HONOR that choice. How cool is that?

Not only that, but sometimes bad things happen to bad people, and sometimes bad things happen to good people doing bad things, and sometimes bad things happen to good people doing good things. This is all part of life experience. However, I find most often bad things happen to people (good or bad) not making the wisest of decisions.

For example, a woman likes to have three highballs every night (a functioning alcoholic) and one year has her pancreas explode and dies within the next month. Is that a bad thing? Yes. Was she a good person? Yes. Was she making a choice that was limiting her life? Yes. So did the bad thing that happen result from her choices? Probably.

Some times, things are just a fluke. One of my fellow students in High School, who I will call Rick Martin, went surfing one day and his back slipped out of socket. He went to the chiropractor to receive an adjustment. After walking out of the chiropractor's office, he started coughing up blood. His parents rushed him to the hospital. He died on the operating table six hours later. As it turned out, Rick's heart collapsed due to a "congenital defect" -- the wall of his heart had not formed properly and due to a weakness in the wall between the two primary chambers it collapsed upon first major stress. Once this wall collapsed, there was nothing to keep bad blood from mixing with good blood, and he died. It was a sad time for many people, as Rick was one helluva fun kid. Rick was smart and in many groups and enjoyed many friendships. He was a good kid, too. I worked with him at Taco Bell. We attended the same youth group at church. We shared some laughs at the Junior Prom. So, I knew him and felt the loss, too.

But, as great a person as Rick may have been, his time came and that was that. I later wrote a letter to his family. I never heard from them. I'm sure they were quite struck with grief over it.

When we go through times like that, how could it seem possible that God is even there?

I understand.

However, God is always there. You see, if "God" is "omniscient" then God is everywhere and in all things. And that means at ALL times. I like the Bhagavad Gita description of the Supreme Being: where both good and evil are comprised within this conscious source of energy. It is beautiful beyond imagination and horribly ugly beyond our worst nightmares.

Knowing this, we must tap into the good, and be aware of the dark side. Much like in Star Wars, whether or not we live for good and growth or for bad and destruction really boils down to a choice. Make a choice for good, and choose it again and again, even when it seems like the "Force" isn't with you. Because, in the end, God will be there - not just by your side or carrying you - but INSIDE YOU. When you realize this, you realize that it is your choice to see each circumstance in life as you choose. When you choose to see it as "good" then it probably will be good.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. Rick Martin's name was changed to be anonymous. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

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Dealing With Disappointment

Have you ever dealt with disappointment?

I have experienced disappointment and can empathize with the range of emotions you might experience when life, people, or circumstances don't deliver according to expectations, or even hopes, or maybe even human decency.

Sometimes, people let us down. Friends fail to say the right things. Lovers leave and don't come back. Jobs don't come through with the money they promised. Work isn't as exciting or productive as it used to be. Or, maybe people flake out and don't do what we thought. People can also be greedy, selfish, or uncaring. Our health may fail us. New opportunities we expected don't show up when or how we thought they might.

Let's face it: there's a whole bunch of ways we can experience disappointment with people, work, love, and life. Often, these circumstances create frustration, anger, sadness, and a general feeling that life isn't what it could be. These feelings can lead to judgment, criticism, and resentment. Left unchecked, disappointment can lead to feelings of unhappiness, lack, and even depression.

What can you do when you feel someone has let you down?

1. What can we control? Well, first, remember that you cannot control other people. In relationships, unmatched and unrealistic expectations can cause problems with resentment, which may lead to judgment, contempt, and disconnections. Other times, people communicate in ways that leaves the other party confused. If we expect others to read our mind instead of expressing concern, we're likely to struggle to get our expectations and needs met.

2. Have we made clear what we need? Also, if we are frustrated with how people communicate, but haven't made clear how important this is to our needs, we may have set up an expectation without foundation.

3. Can the other party deliver what we want? Last, we may have communicated our concern clearly, but if the other party is unable to do what we most want, we still may have an unrealistic expectation.

I experienced some of the problems in a relationship this past year. I was expecting my partner to greet me with cheer, to discuss positive topics, dreams, and goals when we talked, but she was unable to do that. She was mostly only able to focus on her concerns, rants, problems, and challenges, and expected me to hear those things, without the cheer. Over extended periods of time, this mismatched expectation led to a major disconnect in our relationship. I started to talk over her and didn't let her finish her sentences. I basically repressed her. She ended up feeling I was selfish and only wanted to talk about my things. Can you see how my expectation for positive, cheerful talk either was not communicated properly or was met with a response or inability to deliver? I believe that this communication disconnection was at the root of the breakup I experienced after things boiled over.

It is wisest if you can catch personal disappointment up front and determine if you've communicated your needs, and set an expectation that your partner is able to deliver upon. If you fail to do either of these, you may end up dealing with disappointment.

How are you communicating?


Usually, when we are disappointed, something in our own action and attitude contributed to the situation where the other party did not match our expectations. Take stock in how you are communicating. Are you stating why you want certain things? Are you clarifying the underlying reason how you want things done? Are you asking these things of people who are capable of delivering them to you? Try to get a "yes" answer in each of your interactions to maximize your satisfaction with personal relationships and friendships.

Sometimes, people just out and out lie, cheat, steal or don't fulfill what they promised. If this is your situation, well, use the experience as a springboard for the Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. If you don't want people to complain around you, don't complain. If you want others to be positive, be positive. If you want other people to respect you, be respectful of them, first. Often, we create our own reality by what we send out to others.

Pray and play together. I've read on a plaque that "A family that prays together stays together." Are you making it a point to pray together? Often, by putting our focus first upon God, it makes everything else more manageable. Second, are you PLAYING together? If one member of your family is off doing their own thing, they might be creating dissension. Sometimes, we all need to compromise a little in order to all have the time to play together and build better bonds.

What kind of quality TIME are you spending with the people you most care about?

My sister once told me that if I want to be closer to my nephew, that I ought to spend more TIME with him. It was a point well-taken. I went out and played golf with him that month and he later called me and said how much he enjoyed it. This, from someone who'd called me about twice in his life before that golf day. So, YES, the time we spend together matters.

What about the demands of parenting and time with each other?

Are you a single parent? Are you allowing your children to cut into the time you have with your partner to the point where you rarely have any quality time together? Are you a couple trying to raise children? Both single parents and coupled parents need to make sure they're spending time developing their relationship with each other instead of just parenting all the time.

Make the time for each other. Draw hard boundaries, and keep them. Make your time quality time. Do fun things together: go for a walk in nature, travel fun places, go dancing, go snuggle and make love. Make a "no cell phone except for emergency policy" and stick to it! If you make sure you get time that is specifically your time, and you'll have a happier relationship over the longer-term.

What can you do when an opportunity, job, or new growth of other sort didn't come through?

Sometimes, I wish I had a crystal ball I could look into that would show me both the macro and micro level of life and events around me. Wouldn't it make it easier? In reality, most people need to establish a master plan and then be flexible to adjust as life events might impact that plan. I try to first put it in God's hands.

I've personally been promised a job where the financial opportunity was supposed to be $20K a month, then found out later that most people in that job were really only making about $10K a month. It frustrated me to make less than I'd been promised. In that position, I had two choices: become obsessed over making $20K a month, leave for another job that might pay better, or accept the situation and make the best of it. It is not good to switch jobs every few months, so if you've faced this, you may be frustrated, disappointed, and even a little resentful or angry with your boss.

If this is your situation, focus on what you most want. Did you communicate your needs clearly? Have you taken the steps you need to take to achieve what you want with your job? Is this company, position, or boss able to deliver what you need if you make the right steps in your job? If the answer is "yes" to each of these questions, you're probably in the right position to meet your needs. If the answer is "no", then maybe it is time to consider other avenues of employment.

I've been in very difficult career positions in my past. One time, my company, Intelogic Trace, had filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. In my first meeting with Delta Dental, the client handed me the bankruptcy letter and asked me if that was what I wanted to talk about. Yes, it was rough! At first, I let it get to me. I recall being so stressed out that I ripped my dress shirt in half when it was missing a button after a trip to the cleaners. My girlfriend at the time said "Oh, I'm staying away from you!" Yeah, I was stressed out. Then, the next day, I woke up and thought "Hmm. How bad could this be? I mean, yes, I could lose my job, but so what?! There are other jobs, and if I embrace this, maybe I can turn lemonade out of this lemon!" So, I dug in and decided to be a beacon of positive energy, success, and growth IN SPITE of the bankruptcy.

Guess what? People responded to my shift in attitude in a positive way. Over time, I came to be known as the top salesperson in my region and went to the company Summit Club for achievement three years in a row. Sometimes, it pays to be positive and persevere.

What can you do when life or God doesn't seem to be listening?

I spoke with a friend about this recently. I was feeling particularly disappointed with several different people, my company, another career situation, and even some friends. The disappointment led to feeling depressed and that led to me feeling like life sucked. Can you relate? We've all been there. Well, in my experience, and my belief in God is that God is in all things. So, God is always there. God is always listening. God is always guiding, slowly, surely, through all of it. Sometimes we are offered challenges to see if we can create something new and exciting.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was offered polio and used it to create one of the top rehabilitation centers in the country at that time. Louise Braille lost his eyesight through the slip of an awl and used it to create an alphabet for the blind.

In every situation, we almost always can find someone worse off than we are. So, before you go do anything drastic, re-frame your situation and release what you can't control and focus only upon what you CAN control. We cannot control other people's reactions to our brilliant ideas. Some people may even snicker or put the idea down. We can only control how we think, feel, and act about our own dreams and goals.

Put aside the cloak of disappointment for the coat of happiness and fulfillment

So, put aside disappointment. Often, we receive disappointment to help us clarify more of what we want in the future. We gain new clarity and insight, along with a dogged determination never to experience the failure, loss, or setback in communication, health, job, money, or love, ever again. It is up to us to seize the moment and be who we want to be, communicate clearly what we need and desire, and find the situations, people, and places that are most apt to be able to deliver to the expectation we've set forth.

By matching our expectations with reality, and putting out what we most want to get back, we are highly likely to increase our happiness and fulfillment, thus improving our life and leading us back to the road to success, love, and joy.
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Breaking Up And Moving On

So, you went through a break-up? If you're anything like me, you take breakups hard, full-on, and experience the full gamut of emotions ranging from anger, resentment, disconnecting, relief, happiness, sadness, depression, loneliness, then back through the whole thing again. How can you end this cycle sooner?

Well, first of all, it might be HEALTHY to go through all of that. Just try to go easy on yourself - and your ex - through this time. I'm going to give you several practical tips to help you move on and get past the grieving faster and with the minimal amount of pain. Follow this plan, and you'll likely be able to live and love again in a very healthy and happy way.

First, let's focus on what NOT to do:

1. Don't keep contacting him/her.
2. Don't drown your sorrows.
3. Don't make drastic changes or hurt yourself.
4. Don't keep talking about him/her with friends and family.
5. Don't stew in it and sit in a pool of tears with email, letters, and photos.
6. Don't go out and have sex with new people to deal with rejection or loss of love.

1. Don't keep contacting him/her. Don't send her text messages. Don't drop by his work to see if he's there. Don't send email. Don't call or phone. Don't show up unexpectedly at events they commonly attend. Look, whether you were the dumper or the dumpee it really doesn't matter. In one case, you're undecided, which is weak. In the other, you're desperate, which is also weak. So, don't do it. Don't talk to their friends about him/her, either. They'll be on their side and you'll just build up more resentment. So don't waste time with their friends, either. Don't waste your time dawdling around trying to contact them in ANY way, shape, or form. You won't be healing anything and you'll just end up putting your heart through more grief. If you were the dumper, you're being cruel to them. If you were the dumpee, you're setting yourself up for them to be cruel to you. Either way, this behavior doesn't sound like "higher self" behavior to me. So, if you've been doing this: STOP NOW!

2. Don't drown your sorrows in a bottle (or a pill or any other drug). Getting drunk will help you feel better for about 3 - 6 hours. Then, you'll have to face your grief with the added challenge of feeling yucky on top of it. So, deal with your pain other, more healthy ways (more on this in a bit).

3. Don't cut off all your hair, make drastic changes, or otherwise let yourself go. Women have a bad habit of getting a hair cut to symbolize getting rid of their ex. Later, when they look in the mirror, all they can do is cry that they hurt their beautiful long hair over feelings that could have been dealt with otherwise. Don't hurt yourself in any way, shape, or form. Yes, I know, the pain of lost love hurts so very bad and we think we'll never get over it. It seems that way for a month or so, but in time, we WILL move on. Instead of doing anything to hurt anyone, find another outlet: rearrange furniture, clean the house, buy a new pair of jeans or something, write a book, go jogging, but don't whack-off your hair and dye it red because you're pissed at your ex. Also, be careful of the bon-bons, sweets, chocolate, and other goodies that will tempt you at this time. Again, find another physical outlet to release your stress and concern.

4. Don't keep talking about him/her with your family and with your friends. They can usually hear about it once or twice, but beyond that, you need to move on and get on with your life. If they bring him/her up to you, say "we had our moments" and then change the subject. Don't go back down that alley. Your future is IN FRONT of you, not in the rear-view mirror.

5. Don't stew in it and sit in a pool of letters, emails, and photographs. If you're struggling to move on, reading all the loving things they wrote to you won't help you get past it. It will keep you mired in it. I'm not going to advocate that you destroy all of their photos and letters. Just box them up and put them some place (careful with Feng Shui) where they serve to TEACH us rather than LOVE us. If you care about Feng Shui, that would mean putting these items in the wisdom/teachers corner of the room/house, not in the love/relationship corner of the house.

6. Don't go out and have sex with new people just to heal your feelings of rejection or loss of love. I recently watched a re-run movie about a woman recovering from divorce during the 1970's and her therapist told her "You don't need to see me anymore, go explore MEN again." Well, the woman did, but in doing so, her first choice was this pig who used her for sex and then treated her poorly later. She cried. He was the wrong choice for her. The next man was a better choice. So, perhaps, you might want to pass over the first opportunity to jump back in bed and instead be very SELECTIVE over who you share your body with. Yes, I know, you have needs and you also may be feeling extra horny because of rejection or loss of love.

But, that's the time people make mistakes, get diseases, get pregnant, or get into another cyclical dysfunctional relationship, and/or other things that they later might live to regret. So, be selective in who you go out with when you go out again. I could take this a step further and say "don't sign up on a dating site" as that would be called "rebounding" but then again, if that's what you want to do, it's what you're gonna do. Just don't use other people, okay? Not for sex, not for "free" meals, and not for companionship when you're lonely.

Now that we've dealt with what NOT to do, let's focus on what positive actions you can take that will help you move on with your life and be open to living and loving as a fully empowered human being again.

What to do now:

1. Release resentment.
2. Be grateful and loving in your release.
3. Do take on new interests related to YOUR core values and what you most want from life.
4. Do spend time healing, nurturing, and feeding yourself.
5. Do make new friends, enjoy your work, enjoy your spiritual disciplines, and enjoy each day.
6. Do go out on new dates (when you are ready and over the grieving period).

1. Release resentment. I know this sounds crazy, but you might be in the mood to hate your ex or say mean things to them or about them. This is not beneficial. Once I've made the decision to move on and give up the idea of reconciling, if I feel the need to talk to her or reach out to her, what I do is write an email to myself. This is where all the resentment, anger, things you don't like, and stuff like that ought to get written down. I put "to xxxx" in the subject line, but when I hit "send" the email only goes to me. Whatever you do, do not violate this rule! Only send it to yourself - nobody else. Now, once you've gotten out the need to talk and say whatever you want to say (and I do say whatever I want to say in those emails!), you're now in a position to wipe the slate clean and show gratitude and other positive things. But DO have the list of resentment, things you didn't like, and what you didn't want from that person. I then save it in a folder with their name so I can go back and read it if I get a moment of weakness.

2. Be grateful and loving in your release. In your heart, be grateful for who this person was for you, what they did for you, in a good way. They were good in many ways. Be grateful. Then, send out the "I thank you for your love, I release you, I love you, so long..." That's healthy, it is hard to do, because when you send the love, you re-energize that love and create a desire to rekindle. But don't rekindle it, just let it go, with gratitude.

3. Do take on new interests related to YOUR core values and what you most want from life. Go back to each of your core values in each area, like family, social, love, relationships, friendships, career, health, spiritual, etc., and make a list of the top 3 - 5 things or ways of being in each of these that you most want. Then realign your life to match that list. That way, you can attract what you seek.

4. Do spend time healing, nurturing, and feeding yourself. Do spend time exercising and being physically active. It is good to ride a bike, go for a walk, swim, and otherwise get and keep yourself in shape. It is possible that you've gotten away from this before the breakup. This time is a perfect time to throw yourself back into a program. Work up to it little by little, more and more each day. That way, you're bettering yourself. Get a spiritual healing. You can cut the cords through a forgiveness exercise (see Belinda Farrell at http://www.hunahealing.com/ to cut the cords of the past if you feel you're stuck anywhere) or you can also go seek out therapy if you're having an especially hard time letting go (if you're going beyond a month or two of grief, seeing a therapist might be a good idea). Also, read a new book.

Investigate travelling to a place you've always wanted to go. Cook tasty meals for yourself, just as you would have before, or maybe even trying out new recipes. I find that breakups are especially good times to learn new dishes to prepare for both myself and for others. It's a great time to become a better cook! So, take time for you, make sure you get your sleep, and know that by keeping active and busy you'll be back on the path to healthy living in short order.

5. Do make new friends, enjoy your work, enjoy your spiritual disciplines, and enjoy each day.

This really is about enjoying life, you know? What if we only get one pass at it? Make sure you enjoy it while you're here! Start finding ways to focus on this as the day we rejoice and be glad in living.

Life can be enjoyable after loss of love. It is up to us whether or not we choose destructive behavior and thought processes or embrace a clean, healthy, and loving start at life again both on our own and with new friends. We can be more successful, create and build new love, and be the person we want to be most when we mend our broken heart and then get back to who we are at our best.

5. Do go out on new dates (when you are ready). Once you feel you are past crying about them and feeling deeply depressed, it is probably time for you to get out and about and start dating new people. However, when you date new people, I'm going to ask you to be selective in who you date. I Make a new list of what you want. And go for people who match that list. In addition, I'm also going to suggest group activities, or group dates. Rather than go off on a dating service, or dating people one-on-one, it might be healthier for a time to do things in groups. That way, you're in a more protected environment and not as vulnerable to make mistakes I talked about above. If you're someone who prefers going one-on-one, then just go slow. You'll be glad you did later.

For additional information on this subject, see:
Healing a Broken Heart
Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment
The Serenity Prayer
How To Know When Its Over
Considering Getting Back Together?
Problem Reconciliating Rejected Now What?

Sponsored program: How To Get Your Ex Back: Click Here!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.
If you are experiencing a serious relationship problem, we recommend you seek a qualified relationship therapist. This information is guided by the terms and conditions posted at http://www.aspirenow.com.

What Does Nature Tell Us?

Have you ever gone through a tough time and received the advice to "Spend time in nature. Let God or the natural Spirit of the Universe speak to you..."?

I've heard people say it to me. I tend to seek out nature when struggling with a difficult decision or process in my life. My two favorite places in nature: the beach (ocean) and the forest (trees/wind). What I've been noticing lately, though, is that the actual water in the ocean is powerful, strong, continual, ebb and flow of tides and the crashing waves on the beach make their own melody. But all around my feet and in the air above me is LIFE! It's everywhere. Seagulls are flying along one direction while a flock of pelicans cruise by at low altitude before raising speed in the wind current. A sand crab bubbles inside the sand beneath my feet. A starfish is attached to a rock making a path and blending in. Other crabs, anemone, and urchins sway with each wave. Life is everywhere. It is the same in the forest.

If you go into a grove of trees, you may notice the wind rustling the leaves, and hear the sound of the branches creaking and bending with the force of the breeze as it pushes the branch here and there. But, again, all around my feet and in the trees above me I notice LIFE! A squirrel jumps from one limb to another. A caterpillar crawls over my shoe. A spider hangs in between the branch of a small twig. Nearby, a fly is caught in the spider's web. Again, life is everywhere!

You see, there is a natural cycle with life. We, as humans, also have a natural cycle of life. What are we doing about it? Are we embracing our natural cycle? Are we being our most passionate, most loving, most dynamic, most peaceful, most empowered self? If not, are we in the down-cycle? Perhaps we are simply cycling back towards our own greatness!

I recently experienced one of these cycles. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of the valley, we wonder if work, love, relationships, health, and other factors are ever going to balance back the other way again. Then, one day, we sleep a restful sleep. We awaken and decide to choose joy, love, and happiness. And, finally, the Universe responds, and the cycle starts to swing back.

It's exciting to be part of nature. What would nature tell us, today?

Does nature want us to make war, or make love? Does nature want us to love each other? Does nature want us to abuse resources like our water, fossil fuel, forests, earth, and sky? Or does nature want everything to blossom again in full bloom next year, and the year after that.

Are we listening to nature?

The Native American tradition is to be able to stand strong not just this generation, but to continue to honor and nurture our nature 19 generations from now. Are we acting in a way that will leave little or no trace in 19 generations?

What does nature tell us?
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Timing and The Law Of Attraction

Ever feel like things aren't happening quite when you want?

If you're trying to master the Law of Attraction: I know that feeling: where you've created the space, enabled the idea to occur, focused on what I want, and yet.... nothing happens. Or at least, it seems like nothing is happening.

The problem with the concern about timing and the law of attraction comes from human nature: desire, ego, and time.

I had someone tell me recently that the Chinese guy, Ti-Ming has a way of messing with our ability to manifest. But my thoughts on this differ a bit. It isn't so much a matter of timing as a matter of control. Our EGO wants to control HOW we get what we want. The Law of Attraction doesn't always work like that: sometimes, we must release the HOW to be open to receive the WHAT.

Are we still trying to control the HOW of what we want? Because, usually, we only control the WHAT of what we want. The HOW is up to the UNIVERSE to decide for us. That's the trick with the Law of Attraction talked about in the movie, The Secret. We must release THE HOW to the UNIVERSE after setting up the intention.

Then, be open for what follows.

When it comes to the issue of timing, I call this the WHEN. We also must release the WHEN as sometimes we'll get MORE simply through patience or a redirection that comes to releasing the HOW.

Try releaseing the how and focusing just on the WHAT for a while, make a note of the date you thought of it, then revisit in 6 months. My bet is that you'll manifest more than you're realizing, just in different ways than you thought. That's the HOW of the UNIVERSE, in action.

Related links about the Law of Attraction: http://www.aspirenow.com/elegant_abundance_the_most_powerful_law.htm
http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/2008/02/3-keys-to-success.html
http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/2007/10/most-powerful-law-in-universe.html
http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/2007/08/law-of-attraction.html

Here's a way to maximize the law of attaction and help you manifest your dreams more easily, with an OrangePeel Dream Collage vision board for your computer:

http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/2007/11/dream-board.html
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Live In The Moment

In a chat with my brother yesterday, we were discussing the value of living in the moment.

It is so easy to get caught up worrying about tomorrow, the future, with concerns that face us in life: the mortgage, relationship success/failure, career challenges, health issues, our children's safety, and more. How many of these do you worry about? How about FINANCES? That's the biggie for most people.

The problem for many people is their desire for instant gratification when shopping. So, they buy things they don't really need. Then they get into credit card debt. That spirals to include other debts when things like the car transmission go out. Then unexpected events occur. Health problems crop up. The career goes sideways, and debt problems build.

Is this you?

I've been there. The key is to spot how we cope with stress, and find better ways to cope with it. This is what AA is all about. It isn't about helping you quit drinking alcohol. Of course you want to do that or you'd never go to a meeting. What AA really does is help you cope with YOU. Your thoughts, your reality, your stresses you carry around when you are SOBER. Let's face it, booze is probably the #1 drug of choice to "deaden" our senses so that we can deal with the voices in our head. I have a good friend who told me that's why he drinks. I told him he needs to quit drinking so he can listen to the voices and decide if they're full of bull or not. If the voices are wrong, find new friends! Ha!

Other people get into financial trouble because their method of coping with reality is to go shopping whenever they face stress. Then they buy things they don't need. My solution to that problem is to find a different method of coping, something more natural, like going for a bicycle ride or a walk in a nature environment. I've been doing that and it works quite well for me. One other way to cope with spending too much when out shopping is to ask the following four questions: (1) Do I need it? (2) Do I LOVE it? (3) Can I afford it right now? and (4) Do I really want to own it? (Are the caring costs higher than I want to spend?) When I ask myself these questions, I can almost always walk away from anything in front of me. These questions also take me to the resolution of the challenge: it's about being present with right now.

Well, the challenge as I see it is to BE HERE NOW. That's partly what AspireNow is all about. It is about living your aspirations in the now. If you don't realize what I mean, consider how you set your daily "to-do" list. Do you write it all out on a long paper? Is it on your computer? Do you have more than 3 - 5 items on the list each day? Do they carry over, week to week to week? If that is the case, you are not serious about your to-do list. Not only that, you're not focused on what you need to do now.

One of my mentors is the former Notre Dame coach, Lou Holtz. I remember an inspiring film I saw about Lou while I worked at DecisionOne. He was telling his players on his football team that what matters most is to WIN. And to WIN, you must do What's Important Now. What a brilliant saying! I've been using it ever since (thanks, Lou!) You see, Lou understood that you don't win football games in the Fall and Winter if you don't workout and condition your body for success in the Spring and Summer. When a player is working out during the Spring they are implementing WIN - what's important now - in their attitude towards success in their endeavor.

The last point I want to make about Being Here Now is to point out that worry is often just that: most of what people worry about never comes to pass. That's right, most of your worries are for NOTHING. Considering that, why worry at all? A question I like to ask myself is, "Will it matter a year from now?" whenever I am upset or worried about anything. About 98% of the time, the answer is no. I then can choose to focus on the 2% and deal with that. It's a lot easy dealing with two things than 98 things, don't you agree?

A simple life is an easier life. Don't over-complicate your life with unnecessary worry. Keep it simple. Keep it focused on What Is Important Now. The rest can take care of itself.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Getting Over A Cold

I don't get sick often. I used to get sick several times a year, but after I figured out that I got sick more from eating out often I cut that out, now I dine in and cook more of my own meals. Since doing this, I notice I get sick less. Also, I use a sanitary spray to clean my hands throughout the business day after shaking people's hands. This also helps reduce germs.

The best way to get over a cold, after all, is to avoid it in the first place.

According to the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases, Americans suffer about 1 billion colds a year. That's a lot of people getting sick. The Census Bureau now estimates the US population to be over 299,398,484 (Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2006 Population Estimates, Census 2000, 1990 Census). The combination of these statistics mean that each person in the US is getting sick 3 times a year, on average. Considering some people probably don't get sick very often, this means that others might catch as many as five colds a year. That's a seriously productivity problem that's nothing to sneeze at.

Have you ever noticed how much harder it is to work when you're sick? In some cases, it's downright impossible. I just experienced this the past two days, with a splitting headache, head cold (running nose), fever, and other conditions. For two days I was off the blog and unable to do much of anything. As soon as I feel good enough to type, I'm back writing to about getting over a cold, though.

Why? Because I know I can help people who are sick. I have a formula for getting over a nasty cold. It works pretty well, too. I provide it for entertainment purposes only; however, if you are sick and unsure of the symptoms, I always recommend you visit a doctor. I have a rule of thumb that if I am ever sick and it gets into my lungs or deep-sinus infection, that I visit the doc immediately. Also, if you're sick longer than two days, don't tough it out - go see a doctor! It's a good rule to live by. I just returned from the local Med-Stop office (the only doc around me open on a Saturday), and now have a prescription for antibiotics to help me overcome this cold -- if I need it. I'm not of the belief that I will need the antibiotic though. Read my cold remedies and you'll see why.

Scott's Cold Remedies: Ways to Quickly Get Over A Cold:

1. Take Emergen-C. Whenever I first start feeling like I might get sick, I take Emergen-C (Great deal at Amazon- less than Trader Joe's!) Here's an easy link to buy this BEFORE you need it from Amazon: Emergen-C 36 Pack.


What I love about Emergen-C is that this product contains all the antioxidants your body needs. Consider these ideas:

a. Instead of drinking soda, drink Emergen-C It tastes as good, and it is better for you.

b. Are you a boss? Consider buying a few boxes for your office. Rather than paying for sick time and lost productivity, you'll be paying for healthy employees.

c. Are you older? It can be harder for the elderly to keep their immune system active. Keep a stash of Emergen-C on hand and drink it any time you feel a little run-down. You'll get the boost you need.

d. On a budget but want to try it anyway? Visit Emergen-C's site and fill in a few details and they'll send you a free sample to try it out. I already know it works, so if you want my opinion, just get yourself a stash and keep it on hand all the time.

I just took two packets of Orange Emergen-C with Crystal Geyser water and I'm feeling more energized in just 30 minutes!

2. Get your sleep. If I feel like I'm getting sick, I get more sleep. I normally run on about 6-7 hours of sleep. But if there is one time you CANNOT cut corners on sleep it is when you're getting sick. Go to sleep earlier, wake up earlier, and you'll feel better sooner. If I'm already sick, I make sure to sleep between 8 - 10 hours per day. If you're pushing your body hard, this is one time you can't do that.


3. Get a little sunshine. Another healthy tip is to let your body get some sunshine as soon as possible. The sun, in small doses, helps our body and skin build up some natural energy to fight off colds. Today I was out in the sun for about 30 minutes, and it was healthy for me (certainly more healthy than that sneezy doc's office!).

4. Eat healthier, lighter meals and drink lots of water. While some people advocate starving a cold, I sure the heck don't. Why? Because if your body is trying to build up antibodies to fight off a virus, the last thing you want to do is starve your body. Essentially, by starving yourself you put yourself at cross-purposes with your body. It is wiser to eat regular, healthy meals. Lighter foods and fluids are wise choices when you are sick. Consider eggs, water, jello, soup, and things of this nature. Don't eat too much meat when you're sick, and avoid smoking and drinking alcohol. Yeah, I know, your Uncle Tom says a shot of Jack Daniels will cure a cold. But, then again, have you looked at Uncle Tom lately? Alcohol dehydrates you and doesn't put anything in your body to help it build immunity to infectious disease or a cold. Same thing with coffee and tea, which both dehydrate you. Better than dehydration is water - the only hydration method I know that gives your body oxygen the natural way. Not only that, but if you've had the flu, you'll need the water to re-balance your system.

5. Light exercise. I don't recommend that you go to the gym when you are sick. If you have to ask why, you're really not with it, are you?! Think of all the germs that get passed around at the gym! Door handles, machines, gym floors, locker-room benches, and more are all natural places for germs to build up and gather an assault on your unsuspecting body. Don't be part of the problem. When you feel like you're getting sick, or certainly if you already are sick, stay away from the gym. Instead, do some stretches, and some light workouts with barbells in your home. This will keep your body up and at the same time avoid getting others sick.

6. Don't eat out. If you're getting sick a lot, it could be a result of eating out often. Consider cooking more at home, with healthier choices of food in salads, stir fry, soups, and such. I've become healthier since I made this choice.

7. Quit smoking and drinking booze. People who smoke have lower immune systems and get sick more often than those who don't. Same thing with anyone who drinks more than 5 alcoholic beverages a week. If you want to improve your immunity, get rid of addictions that limit your health.

8. Avoid crowds during holidays. The holiday season is when the most flu bugs get passed around. The reason for this is because of the colder air and because people are gathered together. If you can avoid movie theatres during this season, you'll probably be healthier than if you go see a movie. Places people go that can foster getting sick during holidays include: airports, restaurants, theatres. If you are around crowds, carry an antibacterial lotion to wipe your hands with often.

9. Stay warm and humid, instead of cold and dry. If you've been around people who are sick, keep your environment warm and humid. This is the environment that colds struggle to live in and why it is rare to get sick in the summer.

10. Be careful with your hands! Also, make sure you don't touch your nose, eyes, and ears during this season. These are the three places most colds enter your body. If you don't touch them without first coating your hand with antibacterial lotion, you'll lessen the odds of getting sick. (Hint: this is the one thing I really blew this last week that I believe had a direct impact in why I got sick!)

11. Get rid of allergens. I used to get sick every Christmas until I figured out the biggest culprit to my winter health: the Christmas Tree! Yep, I was bummed to learn that the beloved Christmas tree is also a major problem for mold spores. Of course, a tree is also a fire hazard, too. Once I learned that the tree was a source of mold in my home, I got rid of it. Yes, I'd rather see a real tree than a fake tree, but after the first glance, nobody thinks twice about it. My body is healthier without the mold, too.

12. Keep your thoughts positive and create a plan to lower stress. If you get depressed or stressed-out, your odds of getting sick go up dramatically. People who have a healthy, positive mental outlook get sick less often than those who don't. So, smile, think positive thoughts, and keep your life balanced. Keep your finances in order, keep a regular sleep schedule, keep your exercise schedule, and keep your diet healthy. Have a little fun to balance all the hard work you do. And, most important, don't forget to schedule a vacation once a quarter or so. Americans don't vacation as often as they ought to. It is healthy to get away and recharge ourselves so that we're less stressed and more happy.

So, that's my list. Pretty simple, huh? Well, for some, yes, others, maybe not. I'll be writing some articles in the upcoming New Year on ADDICTIONS (how to get rid of and get over them).


If you find this article helpful to you in preventing and getting over a cold, why not share it with
your friends and family? Just remember to tell them you found it here at AspireNow!
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This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. To get more articles like this, subscribe to the A-Blog.