When Love Doesn't Fade Away

Have you loved someone, moved on, but noticed later that this person seems to still be present in your thoughts? I have. Love memory sometimes creates an interesting phenomenon that results in a reappearance or memory getting triggered from time spent, familiar activities, certain sayings, shared experiences (music, events, conversations, destinations), and more.

Lately, I've even found that a certain woman who I loved dearly keeps popping into my dreams. This is happening AFTER I thought I had done all the processing of the break-up, cutting cords, and moved on. Do I have an easy explanation for it? Actually, no, I don't. All I can say is that a part of me still feels very strong love towards her. I may always love her.

Can you relate?

If this is your situation, you really are faced with several questions, where you might ask "Does this mean..."

1. ... you have unfinished business?
2. ... you simply had a profound experience; learn and live from it?
3. ... you are still in love and belong together?

If the answer is #1, you may not be able to complete your "unfinished business" at this time. For example, if either of you have moved into a new relationship, whether dating or married, it may preclude any discussion or experience to find out why the love, feelings, thoughts, or other concerns haven't faded away. Even if neither of you are in relationship, there must be a door to communication. One party may have an interest, but if the other party shut the door you really ought not seek to reconnect until THEY reach out to you. That's my take at my current situation. If the dreams really mean something, the Universe/Spirit/God/Nature all have a way of directing us to "bump" back into each other in a random way at the right time. Trust that time and nature to direct you towards what is best for you and don't force it.

If they DO reach out to you, don't be rude and push them away. Hear them out and see what they have to say.

If your situation is #2, well, this is life. Sometimes, people may still affect us but if they were impossible to live with - or even date - then it is for the best to learn from this experience and grow from it. Incorporate the positives into your new life and make sure to avoid previous mistakes either in communication or ways you expressed your love. As long as we grow, we're living life and becoming our best self every day.

If your situation is more #3, then I have one simple question: "Have you BOTH expressed a desire, willingness, and interest in redeveloping a loving relationship together?" If the answer to this question is a resounding "Yes!" then go for it! Give love a chance... more than one couple split up only to find out years later that they really did love each other the most. I wish you both the best in learning new ways to resolve differences so that you stay together in your effort to grow your love together.

When love doesn't fade away, don't fret. Life is full of experiences. Sometimes the experiences will stay with us through our memories our entire life. There's nothing wrong with remembering someone we loved dearly. Enjoy the memory, and cherish the love you once shared together.

I feel strongly that love is an action word. If we feel love, we often need to reach out and act. If you pulled away because you were hurt, perhaps enough time and healing has transpired to reach out to the person you used to love. You just might be surprised what love awaits you in your future.
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Are You In Love?

Do you believe in love? Are you in love with someone special?

Have you let them know it lately?

There are many ways to say “I love you” to someone. When considering love, it can be a feeling, a thought, a spoken word or phrase, a gesture, or a solid action demonstrating love clearly exists from one person to another.

What Is This Strange Feeling we call LOVE?

If you feel that you love someone, you're likely either feeling a sense of “belonging” or a sense of “loyalty” or a sense of “passion” for that person. Have you ever seen someone who “felt” in love with someone but never told them how they felt? What were they waiting for?

Sometimes, we don't share our feelings with others because we are afraid that we might be rejected. Or, we may have been hurt by a lover in the past and now feel the fear that this new person may not work out, either. Last, perhaps we've already given it a go with a special person and had less than the desired success with the relationship, and feel that going back in might cause more hurt in the future. In any event, there are reasons why people sometimes do not express their feelings of love for each other. However, I will point out that in most of these instances, it is FEAR that stops people from sharing their feelings with each other.

In case you've missed some of my other articles on this subject, FEAR blocks LOVE. You can't have your optimum relationship airplane take-off with fear on board the plane! FEAR works like a DRAG on any relationship. So, if FEAR is stopping you, I'd say to RELEASE the FEAR! Once you've released the fear you will free your soul of the burden that blocks your conscious self from expressing your true feelings. At that point you will be able to express your love freely with the person you love.

How can we express the love we feel?

Once you've decided to express your feelings, you now have choices. You can either SAY how you feel, or you can SHOW how you feel.

Say it loud, say it proud!

"I LOVE YOU!"

When we say “I LOVE YOU,” we are expressing our feelings in the most direct and sincere way possible. We could still say, “I care about you” or “I dig hanging out with you” or “you're a lot of fun” but all of those ways of expressing feelings could just as easily be feelings of friendship as feelings of love. If you want to say “I love you” to another person, why not just come out and say these three magic words?

Now, if you're like me, you probably appreciate hearing when another person says “I love you” to you. So, go for it, put it out there, and let your heart strings play their tune.

Have you told someone you care about deeply that you love them?

If you were hurt in the past, you've got to move beyond that hurt, put the fear behind you, and embrace saying how you feel IN THE MOMENT now. When you can do this, you will experience MORE love in your life – I'm certain of it. If you sense people arguing, why not step in and offer a bridge towards faith, hope, and love in the GOOD of things. When we work as a team, support each other, and offer encouragement, life is SO MUCH BETTER!

In my family, we all say “I love you” when parting. We do this frequently – I'd say about 30% of our conversations end with “I love you” stuck in there some place. I don't know if I've been as good with my relationships. For some reason, I'm a bit non-committal and don't always say how I feel when I love a woman. I've made a new resolution in 2008 that from now on, when I feel it, and we have engaged in a committed relationship, I will say "I Love You" much more often. If you feel like you love someone special, tell them. You might have something to lose, but we certainly can't win anything if we don't play the game of life. And playing means jumping in and saying something.

Don't just say it - SHOW IT!

Now, you may also feel better if the person also SHOWED you how much they love you as well as TOLD YOU how much they loved you. After all, we can't play if we don't interact.

My sister once told me that children base their judgment of how much you love them by how much TIME you spend with them, doing things together. Is it any different for teenagers, college kids, thirty-somethings, mid-life adults, or elderly? I read in an advice column last week how a Grandmother felt her love was rejected and didn't matter because the kids and grand kids weren't showing appreciation for the time she was investing towards them. On the other hand, I've also read about mothers trying to get their kids exposure to a grandmother who didn't act involved or show up to birthday parties. The love street goes BOTH ways. Just reach out and show the people in your life that you love them.

We MAKE time for those we love...

Don't just TAKE time - MAKE time for the people who are special to you. Spend meals and vacations together. Go fishing together. Attend plays together. Read a book together. Watch a movie together. Go for a walk together. Just do things together. I love going to play golf and tennis with my brother and nephew. It's become a favorite past-time now with all of us that grew out of my reaching out one day saying "Come play golf with me!"

In my family, not only do we say we love each other often, but we also SHOW each other that we love each other by making special trips and visits to be with each other. We share special meals together. We're there for each other during hard times. We play together. We take vacations together. We make a point to communicate with each other – even when we're busy. Is your family making the effort to SHOW they care as well as SAY they care for each other? If not, why not start this practice today?

Actions speak louder than words...

Here are a few useful ways to SHOW YOU LOVE SOMEONE with your ACTIONS:

1. Write a handwritten note. Notice: I didn't say send a text message. The meaning of taking the time to write a letter still carries far more weight than sending an email or a text message. We've grown so lazy in the modern era! Is an e-card the same as a hallmark birthday card? I hardly think so. People TOUCH a letter. They don't touch their e-cards. I remember when my wife, before we were engaged, sprayed perfume in her letters to me so that I'd remember her smell when reading her love letters to me. Can you SMELL an email? Enough on that. So, yes, put it in writing. I was joking with a friend by my pool last week and said “I think it's hot when a woman writes me a love note, like 'I love you' or 'you made me so hot last night' in lipstick on the mirror, or sticks a little love note under my pillow saying something like 'I think about you...' while I'm sleeping, or creative things like that.” She replied, “I send my fiancée a text message!” What do you think a man is more likely to remember: the lipstick note, the note under the pillow, the note in the lunch pail, the card with perfume, or the text message? So, put it in writing but also make it something memorable by engaging the senses and making it physical!
   
2. Put yourself in front of them. My Dad once told my sister that if she wanted to attract a man, to dress pretty, be smiling and happy, and make sure she stood in front of him at events where he shows up! I recall meeting my last girlfriend that way, when she was standing there at church laughing at my crazy jokes! She later followed me around the appetizer trays as we chatted, and we talked for about forty minutes that first day. Clearly, there was something going on! Are you spending time or finding activities where the person you love is spending their time? I play gigs. I've found that women, when they want to express interest in me, often show up at one of my saxophone gigs. It's a way they're letting me know they're interested and it's probably also fun and casual for them so it is easy for them to put it out there. My sister met David, her eventual husband, at a group event at Campus Crusade for Christ. David and his friend, Chuck, invited Terri and her friend, Susie, to frozen yogurt one night, and then later they went on a double-date to a movie. Chuck put his arm around Suzie, David gave Terri a kiss goodnight, and the rest was history! In one of my all-time favorite movies, It's A Wonderful Life, Mary Hatch, the woman who loves George Bailey, finds a way to go with him to the dance, to spend time around his family, to support him in his dream to “lasso the moon” and pretty much demonstrates, consistently throughout the movie, that she totally loves him lock, stock, and barrel. I wouldn't mind being loved like that, too!
   
3. Do something nice for them. This one is tricky. You want the thing you do to be a favor, not create an expectation. So, use this with discretion. An ex-girlfriend once told me she thought I loved her when I took out the trash. She also said she showed her love to me when she folded my socks in the laundry (I'm color-blind), saving me anguish from wearing a navy sock with a black sock! Those little things sometimes matter. The things we do for each other, baking cookies, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn, bringing soup when they feel bad, giving them a back massage, rubbing their feet, are all ways to show you love someone. In school, I remember I scored points when I offered to carry a girl's books one time. Little things that show you are a gentleman, or a lady, matter. Show up with flowers, chocolate, or some other little small gift. Show up with a CD he likes or some other gift he wants. Do something to show him you care. Dress up for each other and look nice for each other - even after you've been dating for three years!
   
4. Be there when times are tough. When someone is ill, experiences a loss at their job, goes through a tough time at work, loses a friend or loved one, goes through a death in the family, an accident, or any other thing that could be considered a “times are down” moment, it is critical that you show the person you love that you care. Seriously, friends show they are friends by being there – in both the good times and bad! If you love someone, show them you love them. Don't let them down when they're going through a tough time. Be there for the people you love when they go through tough times and you'll prove that you're a loyal, loving companion!
5. Hold hands, hug, kiss, or make love with them. If you want to show someone you care, don't withhold physical affection. Show them you love them by greeting them with a hug and a kiss (a long one if you're already intimate – the 10-second kiss concept helps keep relationships a little spicier!). Touch them, rub their shoulders, pat them on their hip, wrap your arm around them when you're standing by them, and connect with them physically. It is a way to show we are connected, mentally and emotionally, with someone we love, by touching and connecting with them physically. I recently saw a woman and her husband together, and while they were considering a serious decision, I noticed that she rubbed his arm, rubbed his shoulders, smiled at him, gave him encouraging looks.. there was so much in her body language telling him "I love you!" that it was right there on her sleeve!
   
6. Don't withhold your love. If you're still in love with someone, but playing hard to get or distancing yourself, whatever you do get back in there and communicate that you love them! Why would you pull away and cause them to doubt that you care if you truly still DO care for them? And by all means, if you're in a committed adult relationship with someone, do NOT withhold physical affection. If you're holding out, sexually, consider giving your lover sexual love unless it is painful or highly uncomfortable for you to comply or give physical affection due to an injury or illness. I've seen men cheat on women because they withheld sex. I've seen women cheat on men because they were only “getting it” once every two months. If you're in a “love” relationship, why wouldn't you want to “make love” with each other? If you want to show, through your actions, that you love someone, then making love is the most intimate and powerful way you can demonstrate your love for your partner. Of course, make sure you're fully able to trust each other first, then engage in sex as it is appropriate. But, once you're in a sexual relationship, do not then start to withhold or find excuses to avoid sex. It will degrade how you show your love through actions more than anything else you can do. As a friend of mine recently said to his girlfriend "I can deal with all the crazy stuff you put me through if you give me regular sex, but when you withhold sex all I hear and see is the bad stuff." Yes, sex matters.
   
7. Give before you expect to receive. (Or give without expecting to receive.) If you've been holding back, expecting your lover to give to you first, I'd suggest YOU GIVE to them FIRST. Why initiate? Because, by putting it out there you help encourage others to love you the way you would like to be loved. We have a song we play in my band, BODY, called "Give Some to Get Some," which is about this very thing. Give some without expecting anything back, and you might be surprised by what you do get back.

If you want to build more love, yes, it is important to both say "I love you" to your partner AND show them, through your actions, that you're someone they can count on, that you're someone who supports and believes in their dreams, and you're someone who will celebrate the good and bad times, too.

If you're IN LOVE with someone, don't leave it to mystery – or to chance – for them to find out. Take action and SHOW you love them by doing something, right now, to demonstrate your love, and you'll improve the love in your life.

Enjoy this article? You'll also enjoy my article on Fun Dating Ideas here at AspireNow.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Building Love Together

Why do some couples manage to keep their love strong; in fact, even growing it over time, while other

couples struggle just to maintain open communication?

I think I've discovered the secret to building love together:

It's about maintaining a sense of commitment to doing the things you most love doing together. In some cases, this might be gardening. In others, dancing. It might be walks on the beach, skiing, or going to a theme park. As couples get older, I've noticed they might share wine tasting, Sunday School, hiking, biking, and all kinds of other activities.

What activities do you enjoy doing with your honey?

If you've gotten away from doing those things, maybe that's exactly what you need to build a stronger love between the two of you.

Make the effort, set aside the time, and commit to a schedule or plan to spend quality time together. While you're doing those things, talk about the dreams you have in mind together. Keep it positive: share what you love and appreciate about each other. Ask for what you most want in your relationship, and then offer what your partner asks of you.

These are the ways couples continue to build love together, even when the sands of time slip through the hour glass.

Rather than drift apart like so many failed relationships, why not commit to watering, fertilizing, and keeping your relationship soil fertile and healthy? By putting attention into your love action even when things seem "okay" you'll keep yourself from stagnation or fear of not getting your needs met.

I truly wish more couples would take this extra step to ensure their relationship succeeds. The pain of breakups is hard. Not only that, but often the next person isn't really any better than the first, they just choose to try in a different way with the new person.

When you're not getting your needs met, rather than complain and criticize your partner - tactics that increase resentment -- instead focus on the fun activities you both share and love. You'll both walk away happy, fulfilled, and loving each other more than before you started!

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Avoiding Relationship Stagnation

Stagnation: Why Do Relationships Stagnate, and What To Do To Avoid It?

If you're in a relationship for any length of time, it is only natural that you will experience ups and downs. The most difficult to spot problem in relationships is stagnation. What are the stagnation warning signs:

• You often bite your tongue;
• Diminished sexual frequency;
• Heart-to-heart talks replaced by daily events;
• Someone acts untrustworthy;
• Outside flirtations;
• "I love you" said less often;
• Lack of variety, less creativity;
• Failure to gift;
• Someone gets fat or flabby or stops dressing up;
• Nobody rocks the boat

Do these flags of stagnation sound familiar to you? Stagnation can cause complacency in a relationship. Complacency leads to repressed feelings, which leads to resentment, which can lead to a boiling over and possibly even a break-up of the relationship. So, it is better to spot these signs and do something quickly to correct it first!

You can avoid relationship stagnation through several ways:

1. Increase heart-to-heart communication.

When I suggest you increase your heart-to-heart communication, I'm talking about sharing things you'd like to see happen to reinforce your core values. If you do this, rather than bite your tongue when things you'd like don't happen, you will experience a stronger, more honest, and deeper level of communication with your partner. Heart-to-heart communication also keeps a deep bond of love built between you that will reduce the odds of infidelity, financial mischief, and/or other things like ignoring hurt feelings.

2. Increase the romance.

Sometimes, we experience stagnation because we forget that what often draws couples together is the romance. We stop doing the things we enjoyed: walks on the beach, wine-tasting and weekends in bed & breakfasts, skating/skiing/sailing/bowling/miniature golf/dancing or whatever. We forget to leave little notes (handwritten, preferentially) for our partner. We fail to say "I love you" to each other. We stop lingering for a longer kiss when we say "goodbye" in the morning or "hi" in the evening. We go to sleep without making love. So, DO all these types of things again, and see if your partner doesn't notice!

3. Remember to gift her.

This one is written for the men, but men also like receiving a gift every now and then, too. Gifts can be our little ways of reminding our partner that we love them. Make sure to keep little gifts flowing throughout the relationship, and mix it up. You might surprise your partner.

4. Be a hot sex kitten for him.

This one is written more for the women. Men like it when women are a bit of a sex kitten, coming on to him, surprising him with new lingerie, or doing something special, sexually, that turns him on. Think I'm wrong? Then why oh why are there so many strip clubs dotting almost every city in America?

5. Remember to show each other respect.

If you've started calling your partner bad names, complaining to them frequently (especially if they've observed and asked you to stop), or allowed other people (in-laws, children) to show your partner disrespect, you must realize that all of that is negative and will decrease your relationship "love bank" and may even result in termination of your relationship. Respect, Hope, Joy, Love, are all cornerstones of a successful loving relationship. If you're complacent, there's a very large chance that respect, on some level, has slipped. Rebuilt it, treat your partner #1 the way you'd want to be treated (or at least, the way THEY want to be treated).

6. Keep yourself up.

If you've gained excessive weight, gotten flabby, or otherwise fail to dress up around each other, you're not only showing yourself disrespect, you're also showing your partner disrespect. You've become relationship-lazy. This is a sure sign of complacency. If you want to keep your love strong, continue to look your best even after you are a committed couple. Keep yourself in shape even after injuries, childbirth, and other life events. If you continue to look your best, your partner is less apt to stray and more apt to be in love with you on an ongoing basis.

7. Act trustworthy.

Are you doing anything untrustworthy in your relationship? Any sign of infidelity is a symptom of complacency at the core. Are you keeping secrets from your partner regarding money, flirtations, health, children, friendships (friends saying bad things about them), or other things like this? If you are, you're allowing a dark seed of complacency to undermine your love. If your trust becomes eroded deeply, the whole house of cards will collapse. It is better to build a relationship on solid ground. If you are not acting trustworthy, I will ask you "how would you like for them to act when you are not around?" and request that you act that way. When you act in a trustworthy way, you build the deepest bond a relationship can build.

8. Mix up your sex life.

It might be time to break out the "Kama Sutra" or "Joy of Sex" if you've been sexually complacent. If you've stopped having sex as often, take the initiative and do it in a room you've never done it before. Go somewhere new and do it there. Suggest a new position. Flirt with your partner, tease them a little, then give it to them with all the fire you can muster. This is sure to rekindle some spark in your relationship!

These are the basic suggestions I can offer to help you avoid relationship stagnation and stop the complacency from eroding the foundation of a loving, healthy, and happy relationship. If you're missing out on all the deepest love you might receive, try a few of these things to see if you can't rebuild something truly special, deeper, and more loving than you ever dreamed of!

The Magic of Making Up: How to Get Your Ex Back: Click Here!
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Problem Reconciliating? REJECTED! Now What?

Have you been rejected after offering your partner an opportunity to reconcile? Is there hope or is your life ruined? What can you do now?

This article will help answer this question:

How can we handle rejection when we were hoping to fall back in love?

If you have been trying to reconcile with your partner, and you were rejected, there is the possibility of several things that happened. Before analyzing these, first you must ask yourself:

"Is my partner still saying 'I do love you' in their goodbye letters?" If the answer is yes, you can bet on it that you've created one of the following problems that pushed them away. Read the symptom, discover the problem, and then learn and implement the recommended action after each one.

1. Symptom: They mention anything about feeling hounded, pestered too much, pressured, or repressed. They might say things like "I'm still processing" or "can you give me time to respond without writing or saying anything else?" or "I thought you were putting the ball in my court" and other stuff like that.

Problem: You flooded your partner with too much information, and they couldn't deal with any more attempts to gain understanding from you at this time. They therefore denied your request to reconcile because they are on overload.

Solution to #1: Stop flooding. Withdraw. Don't be mean about it, just withdraw and say "I'm going to go on with things. If you ever change your mind and want to talk, I'll listen."

2. Symptom: Your partner has chosen to re-frame the relationship in a negative light, saying things like "We don't match," "You don't fit my value system," or "We always knew we were not the perfect one for each other," and things like that.

Problem: You said so many hurtful things, that your partner can only hear those things. In other words, you drained your love bank so much that your partner has chosen to re-frame the relationship in a negative light in order to go on with their lives. It is easier to walk from someone who isn't the one than the "soul-mate" relationship, isn't it?

Solution: Recognize when you've said negative things, but recognize also that you cannot prove they are not those things easily at this time. If they agree to see you in the future, don't pile on and insist on revisiting all the graveyard discussion of what wasn't working but instead build new positive and loving experiences. If they won't meet, you may not get the chance to repair this problem; however, in time, wounds heal. Withdraw with as loving a statement as you can, and let time help heal the wound. Another tactic is to agree with them (but just to one extent): "You were right, it would be difficult to work things out considering how we've hurt each other." This will at least validate their concern that they were hurt by you and maybe open the door in the future to a discussion to occur.

I once made the mistake of agreeing that we weren't right for each other when in truth I felt we WERE right for each other. You might not want to agree to that extent, as it gives TOO MUCH agreement to the thought that values didn't match. So, just agree that they were right, and let them know you wish them well.

3. Symptom: Your partner says "I've found someone new."

Problem: Your partner has met someone else. If your partner is the type who has jumped from one relationship to another quickly in the past, this is highly possible. However, if they tend to move slowly in and out of relationships, then this is less likely. Warning: don't assume this when you don't know - it will just upset them further if the reason is #1 or #2 above.

Solution: If they truly met someone else, consider that this new person is showing their best side to your partner, while you've been showing your worst. The odds of reconciling until the opposite occurs is highly unlikely. The only way to save a relationship where one partner is cheating is to simply show your best side, all the time. You must rise above the jealous, hurt feelings, and expectations that caused your partner to cheat in the first place. Otherwise, consider that they've already left the relationship, and consider moving on without them.

The other choice is to tell them firmly "you must leave" and then cease all communication with them. That approach often has been known to get the cheater to recognize they lost someone worth building more of a life with and they will fight to get you back. The first sign of that fight is when they dump the new person. This only works when you were being good to them and you also continue to be good in how you live your best life after you've kicked them out. So, be careful which path you choose.


4. Symptom: If they say things like "You're too much of a slob for me." Or "We always did what you wanted to do, never what I wanted to do," "I don't like the way you smell," and things like that.

Problem: Your partner is disgusted by you. They've either grown sick of you or your partner truly has had enough of trying to get along with you, and despite your best intentions you may *not* be perfectly matched. On the other hand, they might just be resentful about a few things. There is only one way to find out...

Solution: If your partner is sick of you, has decided you're a jerk, or otherwise has found despicable things about you to hate or resent, you're probably not going to resolve these from continuing that behavior.

The wisest move for you would be to clean up your act! Get your place together. Get back in shape. Do a new hobby, maybe even one they wanted to do together with you (if you truly want to do it). Get some energy work done and focus on being the person you want to attract. That way, if they bump into you in the future, they'll see that you're looking your best, creating a life of success, and with the clean space to allow them back into your heart. They say the best revenge is living well. Better than that, when someone won't reconcile because they're sick of you, the best thing to do is to pull back and then be your BEST self. At least you'll rebuild your self-confidence in the process.

5. Symptom: Your partner says "You were the one who wanted to break up!"

Problem: Your partner was listening to things you said or wrote to them. Perhaps you asked for the distance or asked for the separation yourself, and all they did was honor your request. Don't blame them and tell them they don't love you or crud like that when you may have fueled the very fire you're trying to put out!

Solution: You can't blame them for listening to you and honoring your request. All that you can say is "I was wrong. I change my mind. Your love means the world to me. If you would honor it, I'd appreciate a discussion to determine how we both can get our needs met and the opportunity to prove we can do it."

6. Symptom: Your partner says, "I might consider it, but this is just not a good time" or "I simply cannot meet with you now."

Problem: Your partner wants to reconcile, but not at this time. They need to go process some other things and it will take time for the two of you to even consider getting back together. This situation happens especially when many of the above problems I've described are happening SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Solution: If your partner has considered your request and deferred response, you're best to withdraw, tell them the ball is in their court, and MEAN IT. You cannot contact them again if you say you won't. Don't go by their place, don't call, and move on with your life. Time heals wounds, and distance makes the heart grow fonder. Don't wait by the phone, either. Just go on with your life. Alternatively, you could be like the guy in the song Austin (or P.S. - If This Is Austin) I've related to that song, myself!

7. Symptom: They say something like "I want to go on with my life. I've chosen to do so apart."

Problem: This doesn't sound like a symptom. It sounds like they really want to break up with you. However, it could be a veiled situation, or if they're experiencing the same confusion you were, perhaps they hardened their heart towards you because they were hurt and confused.

Solution: If you've made someone sure that they want to move on without you, my advice is to follow the four step process I'm going to outline below. Let go. Stop bothering them. Let them know you still care and would listen in the future should they want to talk. And, then focus on living your best self!

In case you haven't figured it out yet, the solution for all of this is pretty simple:

The Four-Step Recover Plan From Rejection:

1. Let go. Yep, let go and move on with your life... the old saying "If you love someone, set them free" is the wisest advice in this situation. Need help letting go? Try The Serenity Prayer.

2. Stop doing what you did that didn't work in getting back together. Anything you said or did that repulsed your partner, stop doing that, and do the opposite.

3. Anything you did that did work, do a little more of that (but not if you've flooded your partner).

4. Be your best self. Get yourself back in shape. Start or throw yourself into that new hobby. Clean up your house, your car, and your clothes. Upgrade your life, in all areas. Be true to yourself and be more loving, more fun, more successful.

Notice, in none of this did I suggest that you sit around moping, whining to your friends, continuing to badger or hound your partner, telling them they were wrong or insisting you were right, or anything else that didn't work in reconciling. To do that is to be a loser and operate from your lower self. Don't do that! Instead, I'm suggesting that you let it go, stop expecting everything to go your way, and be your best self.

You will find that by utilizing these solutions and following this four-step system that you will create the life you want. In doing so, you WILL become more attractive to your partner again IN THE FUTURE. That will increase the odds of you two getting back together. For now, don't worry about whether or not they want to reconcile. It really doesn't matter. They've made their choice and I guarantee you they hurt, too. Let them go live their life. And, then go live yours. Live your life as if you WON'T ever reconcile, and you might be surprised: some day, you just might get a phone call.

At the same time, you may have noticed that by following this 4-step system (Let go, stop doing what didn't work, do more of what did work, and be your best self). If you follow this system, over time, your broken and wounded heart WILL heal. Not only that, but you'll feel better about yourself for making and following a plan to get your life back on track. And last but certainly not least, by being your best self, healing naturally, and ceasing to obsess about your lost love, you will become more attractive to someone NEW. You just never know who might pop into your life and it just might be an upgraded situation!

As we clear the clutter from the past, reinvent who we are, and build an exciting new ME, we create a pathway for new love to enter our lives.

Either way, the formula is the same. Commit to it, stay with it, and be true to your highest self. You'll be the empowered person you want to be in doing so.

Learn more about Reconciliation from AspireNow:
Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment
How To Know When Its Over
What_Men_Want
What Women Want
11 Steps To Stop Fighting And Make Up
How and When To Reconcile
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog. If you are experiencing a serious relationship problem, we recommend you seek a qualified relationship therapist. This information is guided by the terms and conditions posted at AspireNow.com. Austin Lyrics by Blake Shelton are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, Austin Lyrics by Blake Shelton are provided for educational purposes only , If you like the song, please buy relative CD.

Why Does Love Hurt So Much?

I'm sure you've heard the expression: Love Hurts. Why does love have to hurt so much?

Truly, I wish I had the answer. When we go through a breakup, our eyes get puffy from lack of sleep and crying. Our chest hurts probably not so much from an actual breaking heart but more likely shortness of breath because we are in "fear" mode.

Why Does Love Hurt So Much?

Yes, when we lose someone we've been with for a while, we are losing love. Or, at least we are in fear that we are losing love. And, fear blocks love. When we go into that mode, it seems that we are creating more of what we don't want: less love.

So, if you're hurting - and I can empathize with your pain - try to remember to keep breathing. Allow yourself to feel hurt, allow yourself to feel the loss, but remember than when you create a space in your life you might be allowing more love to come into your life in the not-so-distant future.

Not only that, but sometimes we need to release things in order to grow. I think this is where most relationships fall down: expectation and attachment to things hoped for but not entirely real. It is those expectations that drive some people to drugs or alcohol, others to immerse themselves in their work, the kids, food, exercise, or any other number of obsessions to try to deal with unmatched expectation.

The only thing I can say to you, if this is what you've been doing, is to consider releasing the expectation. Releasing the expectation is really the only opportunity to create a truly healthy, happy relationship, anyway.

I'm not suggesting this so that you necessarily get back together. Just release it anyway and see how life unfolds.

And, in the meantime, remember to keep breathing. Remember to do the things you love most. Remember to be loving to your friends and family who love you.

I write these words with all the love in my heart, to you, the person who may be hurting.

The pain will recede over time. Life will go on, if you let it. Release control, take a deep breath, and let it out. Then do it again. Keep yourself busy with exercise. Clear out any clutter that's been blocking you from being healthy environment or creating unnecessary attachment, too. Once you do, you will feel more alive, more free, and more able to love with the WHOLE you again.

*****
See other related articles:
Breaking Up
The AspireNow Break Up Guide
How To Get Over A Painful Breakup
Digging In The Dirt

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond)

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life

How To Break Up
Solving Sabotage Syndrome
Healing a Broken Heart
Is He or She The One?
SoulMates or In The Meantime

Thank you for being a reader of AspireNow articles! I appreciate you.

Want to learn how to get your ex back? Click Here!

Click here if you'd like to show a little appreciation back, in terms of a donation, visit The Most Powerful Law article, and you'll see a donate tab on the bottom left of the page. Abundance will flow your way, too!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. This article is provided for entertainment. If your situation is serious, if you're experiencing depression for more than a few days, or if you are contemplating suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately!

Want more articles like this? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Of Lust or Laundry?

Here's a fun little film about lust at a laundromat:


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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. Film Copyright Ryan Heckman (to the best of my knowledge). No infringement intended. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Is It Love?

Join Scott Andrews, the founder of AspireNow.com, for a special talk on "Is It Love?" at the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio this week.

Show Date: Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Show Time: 5:45 PM PST / 8:45 PM EST

"Is it love - or lust - 10 Questions That Determine the Fate of YOUR NEW Relationship"

There's more:
"It is better to lose a lover than love a loser!"
"Boy + Brains + Good Looks + Cooking = Miracle"

What other insights does Scott offer about love?
Don't miss this show! You'll get more insights into love than a '56 Ford Thunderbird has fins.

It's fun and educational to join the call:
VISIT ONLINE: www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792
CALL IN!: (724) 444-7444Enter: 37792 # 1 #

It's easy, fun, and simple to join in. See you there!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Ways To Say I Love You

AspireNow is featuring Scott Andrews, who is giving a special talk on "Ways To Say 'I Love You'" at AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio this week. Show time is a special 2PM PST / 5PM EST on Thursday (in honor of Valentine's Day).

It might even be as crazy and fun as this video:



Call in and ask questions of Scott regarding your own love life! It's easy, fun, and simple to join:

VISIT ONLINE:
Click here to dial-in online: www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792

By PHONE:
Call: (724) 444-7444
Enter: 37792 # 1 #

See you there!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe.