Showing posts with label We Need More Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label We Need More Love. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

How To Get More of What You Want

In a "thought for the day" from a marketing blog, I received this quote from Seth Godin:

"The goal is to create a product that people love. If people love it, they'll forgive a lot. They'll talk about it. They'll promote it. They'll come back. They'll be less price sensitive. They'll bring their friends. They'll work with you to make it better."
As I read this, my thought process transferred from how we create products to the product of OUR OWN SELF. Are we creating a person people love?

I think this thought carries through to our own life in learning how to get more of everything you want:

If we're someone people love, they'll forgive us for a lot. They'll talk about us. They'll promote us. They'll come back to us weeks after we may have last heard from them. They'll be less sensitive to our negative qualities or challenges of seeing us. They'll introduce us to their friends. They'll work with us to make our life better and suggest ways to live our dreams we share with them."

Yep. Seems true to me. Are you frustrated with friendships? Maybe you're not being the love you want to find? You know the cliche "be the change you want to see in the world" right? Maybe it is time to make changes. Now, if our life IS full of all this love, then KEEP IT UP!

When we make it easy for people to love us we will inevitably have (a) more luck, (b) more friends, (c) more success, and (d) live more of our dreams than people who are hard to love.

How can we get more of everything you want and become an easier person to love?

Here's a list, for starters:
  1. Be more fun! Have fun ideas to contribute to conversations and events.
  2. Make people laugh. If you haven't learned how to be funny yet, study comedians, read joke books, and learn how to be funny.
  3. Accept others without judgment. People hate being judged. Accept people for who they are and you'll find they love you more.
  4. Look for commonalities. Have you ever noticed that when people are really good at making friends, they find COMMONALITIES. Rather than look for differences, look for what you have IN COMMON and expand upon those traits and positive qualities. You'll be sure to grow more love with those you can relate to... thus, the word RELATIONSHIP! :)
  5. Include others in your life. People will often out to you if you reach out to them. Just make it a practice whenever you think of someone to reach out to them.
  6. Accept other invitations. When people invite you - GO! They would not invite you if they didn't want you to be there.
  7. Be more forgiving. I remember a friend once told me "Gosh, Scott, I sure like that you don't hold a grudge." My Mom says I've always been that way. Internally, I may feel angst, but I try to be cheerful anyway. I find that this is part of a forgiving spirit that helps me maintain the love in relationships.
  8. Be grateful. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way. It feels great when a friend calls and says "Thank you for...." George Bush Sr. rode the art of writing "thank you letters" all the way to becoming President of the United States. Think those letters had something to do with it? Be grateful for the love others show you and the love you receive will grow, too.
There's my list of eight ways you can get what you want. Did I surprise you? Maybe you thought there was a magic pill you could swallow. And, yes, there is! It's called the LOVE pill! Ha ha ha!

Can you think of additional ways to get more of what you want by showing more love to others? Please share your ideas in our comments!
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Monday, January 5, 2009

Starting The Year Off Right

Yesterday a friend shared a story that made her sad:

Her daughter's best friend gave birth to a baby two months ago. Apparently, the daughter's friend and boyfriend were visiting my friend. During the visit, the young couple got into a fight. My friend said "If you're going to fight, I must ask you to leave." Apparently, they continued fighting after they left. The young man, father of the baby, went outside to get air. While outside, a drunk driver veered off the road, struck his body, and left him in a coma essentially brain-dead. The entire family is a bit in shock over it. This is about as tragic a story as I've heard, besides John Travolta and Kelly Preston losing Jett Travolta over the weekend.

Where's the silver lining?

I think it is about the baby... a baby can bring new joy into our lives in ways nothing else can. My friend said, "Yes, Scotty, the baby is already laughing while dreaming because his father is teasing him from the *other* side..." The baby apparently brings joy to everyone who experiences this happy baby. My perspective, while walking on the beach and comforting my friend, was to simply say: "Your daughter's friend met this man not for the man, but for the baby. The story here is about the baby. She must focus on the baby to regain happiness."

Do you want proof of how baby's can bring us joy?

Look at this video taken by William, from Sweden, of his baby laughing while he makes microwave oven noises:



If you're looking to start the year off right, don't forget laughter. I wonder if the entire loss of life of that young man could have been avoided simply by laughing instead of arguing. What do you think?

Laugh more, live longer!
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Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year's Resolutions: The Two Lists

I was fortunate to spend time with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life. Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year reminds me of one particular interaction we had.

"Now that you are becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself so you don't lose the momentum you have built."

"Like New Year's resolutions?" I asked.

"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's do that."

"By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish laugh.

"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued. "The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second list on another sheet of paper."

That night I went home and spent several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.

The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.

"The first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps towards the life I want to lead."

Let me see the second list," he said.

I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that really mattered.

"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and held out both of his hands.

I purposefully handed him the first list and held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page. After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.

"What did you do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.

Robert began to speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what you MUST do."

He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it carefully, and found a single word floating in the middle of the white page:

"Love."

###

This story is reprinted with permission from Scott Blum Co-Founder of the DailyOM. If you're interested in more information from Scott Blum, visit scottblum.net and download the free e-book "Summer's Path". It is in the same vein as this article.

And, as always, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

- Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Why Dating Sucks (and How To Be a Happy Couple)

I just received this two word message in an email to me from a married friend:

"Dating Sucks."

My response:

"I like dating. I assume you meant "dating sucks, generally speaking" or something like that.

Marriage sucks more."

Okay, so if dating sucks, generally, why would marriage suck more, generally speaking? The truth is, they both suck equally. They both can be GREAT equally, too. (Yes, I was teasing my friend.)

The reason why dating or marriage sucks is usually because most people don't know how to be HAPPY. They expect other people, outside events and circumstances -- or luck -- to bring them happiness. This is not how to to become happy.

Being happy leads to happy relationships!

We become happy by creating a kick-ass life and realize our dreams. We become happy for enjoying every moment we are alive. Even when we can't pay bills, our health is sick, or our job is floundering, we relish the joy in being alive. That is the key to being happy. Well, wait a minute, we also become happy by being GRATEFUL for WHAT WE HAVE (not what we want). And how do we do that? By picturing our dreams and then taking the steps to live them out. Underneath that, I'd say "By living in a spiritually blessed way and following the wise ways to accumulate happiness." This is all true.

We become happier in relationships by simply loving where we are when we are and giving more than we expect to give. When we create happy, loving, fun, nurturing, safe, secure, successful environments, our relationships flourish rather than flounder.

Think about it. When are you unhappy in a relationship?

When you're EXPECTING your partner to DO something for you, REMEMBER that little thing you like, or GIVE you in a way you thought they might... sound familiar? It is false expectation and false attachment that undermines the potential happiness in each relationship.

That's why being married can suck, too. Because when people get bored in marriage we stop giving and start expecting and then when we don't get what we want anymore we withdraw and stop giving even more (or less). To my married friends, does this sound familiar? That's why marriage sucks (generally speaking).

Now, don't get me wrong: I've seen bad behavior on dates that would make most men run for the hills. I've seen a woman say she wants you to be a gentleman (then acts slutty). I've seen women say they expect equality (then sit back while I pay for the meal - even though maybe she knew I was broke at the time or maybe I bought the last time). I had a date this past May where the woman was DRUNK when I MET her. Apparently, she needed vodka to get over the fear of the unknown. Talk about a semi-blind date gone horribly wrong. It produced a funny story later, but not a fun experience at the time.

I've seen guys belch on dates, drink too much, ignore their female companion, and other bad things. I've seen a guy put down his woman as if she was a piece of meat. People act horribly when dating. I've even made my own mistakes so don't get me wrong I'm NOT on a soap-box. But, yeah, dating can suck sometimes.

But what kind of struck me strange was when my friend said "dating sucks" in reply to my saying "I was on a date and I'm not going to date her again because I really don't feel the chemistry." To me, that's not a date that sucked. I explored an opportunity, decided I don't want that, and I'll let her down with grace and poise. She's a nice woman. She has a decent job and treats people nice. She has a good sense of humor. She's smart. She just isn't doing it for me in the chemistry department. So, it is better to end it before getting involved intimately. I really don't think that people should expect every date to end in the clouds parting, violins playing, and kisses that leave you weak-knee-silly.

Sure, I'd like to date someone where the bells ring, the birds sing, and the heavens shout for joy... but the last time that happened for me - it didn't for her. That is when dating sucks! But even then, it's a good situation, because at least you know it wasn't an equal match. And, in the end, that's all I really want: an equal in love, joy, adoration, spirit, friendship, and communication.

When we discover that type of love, dating ROCKS!

It happens from time to time... give love a chance even if you've been hurt, okay?

Does that type of relationship exist? SURE! There are 20% of people who are VERY HAPPY in their relationship. And, guess what, there's probably another 20% of people who are happily married. These types of relationships DO exist. It takes a sense of humor, dedication, mutual honesty, and equal communication. It takes trust, respect, and commitment. It takes the chemistry, backed up by all these things, to create it. But I've seen it happen. My sister is married in one of those relationships. And, my friend who said "dating sucks" is in one of those relationships, too. Both of these women love their husbands dearly. And that, to me, is awesome!

If you want a safe relationship, don't threaten the relationship when you have a disagreement or act in a way that would compromise the integrity of the relationship. If you want a fun environment, act and show your partner you can both have fun together and create fun things to do together. If you want a successful environment, be successful in what you do. If you fail, redirect into a path where others are succeeding and go for that opportunity. When you get there, don't slack, but give it your all. That's usually how people succeed anyway. Then, when you're with your honey, express GRATITUDE they are experiencing all of this with you!

Be happy to have happier relationships!

Dating doesn't have to suck. Neither does being married. Just make sure YOU are GIVING what YOU CAN, expecting good things but not expecting mind-readers and miracles, and enjoying every moment. And be happy in who YOU are and what you do with your life. Bring that into your relationship. You'll attract that same happiness back.

If your job sucks, find a job that makes you happy. If your health is down, eat healthier, get your sleep, work-out more often, and get back in shape. If your lifestyle is boring, pick up those hobbies and things you always dreamed of doing when you were younger. It is never too late to begin living your dreams. When dreams become reality is when happiness manifests.

When you're happy, your odds of being happily coupled increase dramatically.
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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Building Love Together

Why do some couples manage to keep their love strong; in fact, even growing it over time, while other

couples struggle just to maintain open communication?

I think I've discovered the secret to building love together:

It's about maintaining a sense of commitment to doing the things you most love doing together. In some cases, this might be gardening. In others, dancing. It might be walks on the beach, skiing, or going to a theme park. As couples get older, I've noticed they might share wine tasting, Sunday School, hiking, biking, and all kinds of other activities.

What activities do you enjoy doing with your honey?

If you've gotten away from doing those things, maybe that's exactly what you need to build a stronger love between the two of you.

Make the effort, set aside the time, and commit to a schedule or plan to spend quality time together. While you're doing those things, talk about the dreams you have in mind together. Keep it positive: share what you love and appreciate about each other. Ask for what you most want in your relationship, and then offer what your partner asks of you.

These are the ways couples continue to build love together, even when the sands of time slip through the hour glass.

Rather than drift apart like so many failed relationships, why not commit to watering, fertilizing, and keeping your relationship soil fertile and healthy? By putting attention into your love action even when things seem "okay" you'll keep yourself from stagnation or fear of not getting your needs met.

I truly wish more couples would take this extra step to ensure their relationship succeeds. The pain of breakups is hard. Not only that, but often the next person isn't really any better than the first, they just choose to try in a different way with the new person.

When you're not getting your needs met, rather than complain and criticize your partner - tactics that increase resentment -- instead focus on the fun activities you both share and love. You'll both walk away happy, fulfilled, and loving each other more than before you started!
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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dating and Relationship Tips Learned From Salsa Dancing

Lately, I've been getting quite engaged with Salsa dancing. Why? Salsa dancing is fun, good exercise, healthy, and challenging! Second, I love the music. Cuban, Cha-Cha, Afro music is fun to dance to. I've lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks since embarking on my recent classes Salsa dancing, so it is also a good workout!

There is another benefit to Salsa dancing: gaining a better understanding of dating and relationships. By dancing Salsa, you can learn more about how to relate with the opposite sex, how to be a "healthy" partner, how to be a stronger man, and how to be a more complete woman.

This past year, a member of CPSalsa.com sent me the following list of dancing tips for Salsa dancers: "I'm sure that most of you have heard of the saying that ignorance is bliss. Therefore, by inference, the less I know, the happier I am. Of course, in the salsa dancing world this is pure rubbish. You may be happy, but your dancing partner may be secretly formulating a plan to gouge out your eyeballs. To avoid this situation, you absolutely need to know what works and what doesn't on the dance floor. As G.I. Joe proclaims, "Knowing is half the battle".

So in your battle to become that salsa stud or salsa diva on the dance floor, I managed to gather up a list of dance floor pet peeves and other things people actually love about their dance partner for your reading pleasure. These are in no particular order.

Dancing Pet Peeves

  1. Not looking at your partner or holding eye contact while dancing. In other words, you're easily distracted.
  2. Not dancing to the level of your partner. In other words, you're a showoff.
  3. Bad breath. Come on people, we sell mints for crying out loud!
  4. Really sweaty shirts. This one's subjective but it's always a good idea to keep an extra set of clothes handy.
  5. Loose arms. This one's for the ladies. They call it spaghetti arms for a reason.
  6. Ladies who come to a dance, but don't dance. I'm still trying to figure this one out.
  7. Instructors who don't dance with beginners. Those spoiled instructors.
  8. Couples who invade another couple's dance area. Not cool man!
  9. Followers who apologize too much.
  10. A guy who dances with the same lady more than twice in a row.
  11. Too strong of a lead. Guys: Know thy strength.
  12. Guys who think they are Salsa Heaven's gift to women. Guess what? You're not.
Alright, so let's not dwell too much on the negative. I'm sure you get the picture. Essentially, don't be an easily distracted showoff with bad breath and you should be fine. Now , let's dive into what people love about their partners.

I really love it when my dance partner....

  1. Makes conversation with me.
  2. Protects me on the dance floor.
  3. Does simple but elegant moves.
  4. Has engaging eyes.
  5. Isn't easily distracted by other happenings on the dance floor.
  6. Doesn't correct me on the dance floor.
  7. Smells good.
  8. Leads gently.
  9. Thanks me after the dance.
  10. Looks like she's having fun.
  11. Makes me feel like I'm the best dancer on the floor.
  12. Admits to their own mistakes and doesn't fault their partner.
  13. Does shines and arm styling.
  14. Encourages me.
  15. Twirls me a lot.
  16. Patient and helpful with a smile
  17. Is confident.
  18. Asks me to dance and isn't a wallflower.
  19. Smiles through perspiration.

So, what can we learn from this list, as dancing might improve our dating and relationships?

Dating and relationship qualities features I noticed include:


  • Confident: Confidence is sexy in men AND women. Know what you want to do, why you want to do it, and approach it with inner strength.
  • Good eye contact: The eyes have it - we can always improve our dating and relationships by using "engaging eye contact" and not letting our eyeballs strain to other people, events, or distractions. Be present with your eyes, and you'll improve your relationships.
  • Men - protect your women: Women like strong men because they enjoy being protected. This doesn't mean being a jerk to other people, just protect your partner's space. In addition, don't invade other people's space. This could go for people who cheat with their partner's friends, family members, or associates. Don't do it!
  • Women - engage your men: show up, be excited, invite him, and respond to his requests. Be involved with style: Show-up, get involved, be simple, elegant, and restrained (no need to show off).
  • Deal with mistakes politely: Correct in private, praise in public. Good advice from Dale Carnegie applies everywhere! Admitting to mistakes easily without blame is a good policy for dating and relationships, too. Have patience with each other and encourage when you experience something good together.
  • Have fun: Twirls? I relate this to having fun. How often do you take your woman out and keep her active? Have fun with each other, surprise each other, make love often, kiss each other, and let your partner shine. Have fun and act like you're having fun. Have you ever been around someone who forgets to laugh, shake their hips a little, and greet you in a happy way? Remember to do this dancing AND in relationships!
  • Be a good conversationalist: I've always felt there is a natural lead and follow in conversation, much like in dancing. Be open to your partner's thoughts and ideas and you'll have better relationships. Be encouraging, open, supportive.
  • Look good, smell good: Practice good hygiene and nice dress. These things are basics but you'd be surprised how many people date looking like a slob or let themselves go in relationship. If you're finding yourself in sweats together hanging out on the couch, dress up, get out, and do something fun together! If you have bad breath, do something about it...maintain good hygiene and you'll likely keep your partner interested.
  • Smile and be nice even through adversity: You'll notice from the dancing tips they suggest to smile through perspiration. Even when things are tough, don't stress on each other, keep it light, keep it fun, keep smiling and loving each other.
  • Make each other feel special: Both men and women must make each other feel special. Men ought to make their woman feel like she's the only woman that matters to him, and women must act as their man is someone they enjoy and have fun with, as well as encouraging him.
  • Show gratitude: Are you showing gratitude? Do you say "thank you" and write thank you notes frequently? Gratitude is a way of showing appreciation. Say thank you. Show you are into it, and initiate on your own, too.

As you see, you can improve your dating and relationship success by dancing Salsa (and probably West-Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, Rumba, Ballroom, East-Coast Swing, Night Club 2-Step, and other dancing styles). Use what you learn about dancing to gain insights into how to relate with the opposite sex, how to be a "healthy" partner, how to be a more dynamic, confident, and fun person to be with.

Use these tips in your own dating and relationships to increase your success with love and happiness.
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Want to learn more about Salsa Dancing? (Read on!)

Salsa can even be fun for kids to improve their interdynamic relationships. You'll notice all the fun group interaction when you check this out:



This is where salsa usually starts:




This is how partner dance moves develop:

Aren't these instructors awesome?



Notice the fun dynamic happening with the dancers in this group class:



And this is where you might end up if you get totally into it:



The Pros make it look so easy!



If you think you can't spin fast, watch these two:


As you can see, this can get a little crazy. I'm just starting with the basics and having fun with it.
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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

New Starts & New Beginnings on AspireNow Radio

Join Scott Andrews, Host of the AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio Show this Tuesday, May 13, at 5PM PST / 8PM EST to discuss ways to begin new starts in career, dating, health, money, and relationships.

When: May 13, 2008 at 5:00 p.m. PST 11:00 p.m. EST

To Call In: Dial (724) 444-7444. Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 # or your Talkshoe PIN

Topic: New Starts & New Beginnings

Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow, offers a 30-minute look into ways to get new stars and new beginnings. Scott will be grabbing from the mail bag of questions, as well as reviewing material recently posted at his www.AspireNow.com website and http://aspirenow.blogspot.com blog.

The show is broadcast live online and via telephone Tuesday night starting at 5PM PST.

It's simple and easy to join in!

How to Participate:

1. Visit http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792 - this enables you to text questions and see questions/live chat during the show, and hear Scott on the show.

2. Dial (724) 444-74443. Enter 37792 # Enter: 1 # or your Talkshoe PIN.Note:

If you MISS the show, visit http://www.aspirenow.com/ and listen via the Talkshow player, or visit: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792.

Also, make sure to click the "follow the show" box if you're listening from the TalkShoe link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792. See you there!!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Monday, April 28, 2008

"Can This Relationship Be Saved" on AspireNow Show

The AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self-Help Show features CEO and Founder of AspireNow, Scott Andrews, speaking about "Reconciliation and Relationships: Can This Relationship Be Saved" this Tuesday evening.

Show Date: Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Show Time: 5:00 PM PST / 8:00 PM EST
CALL IN!: (724) 444-7444 Enter: 37792 # 1 # It's simple and easy!

Description:

Scott Andrews, Author and Founder of AspireNow.com, leads a discussion about "Reconciliation and Relationships: Can This Relationship Be Saved? Have you been struggling in your relationship? Perhaps you've been repressing things you'd like to say to your partner, but before you could clear the air everything blew up in your face. Or, maybe you've been sensing increased unhappiness with events that were crossing your core values. You couldn't take anymore, and ended it. Now, you have second thoughts. You miss your partner. You're not sure why it got that ugly, and now you're trying to figure out if anything can be done to "fix" your broken relationship. Or, maybe you're just thinking you've gotten in a rut, and could use a relationship tune-up.

Whether blissfully in-love or trying to heal a broken heart, this show is going to give you step-by-step instructions for determining:

1. Is it worth the effort to consider a reconciliation?
2. Are you really incompatible: reality check, do your values match or is it perspective?
3. How can you get back together?
4. What to do if you're rejected?
5. How to move on and get on with your life?
6. Ways to gain closure.
7. Ways to reconcile and rebuild the love you once had.

Don't do like Romeo & Juliet! Not all relationships need end in tragedy. Why not end the pain and find ways to proactively start living the life you were supposed to be living all along? Scott's been spending weeks analyzing this subject and believes he's put together some of the most leading-edge content for this dynamic show that anyone trying to build more love in their lives won't want to miss - call in with your questions, too! This show promises to be better than putting Humpty-Dumpty back together again.

It's fun and educational to join the call:

VISIT ONLINE: www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792
CALL IN!: (724) 444-7444 Enter: 37792 # 1 #

It's simple and easy to join in. See you there!
_______________________________________________________
Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment

Let Go Of Guilt and Resentment, by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.com

Do you have guilt and resentment?

Perhaps you recently were in a fight or dispute with someone you loved. Did you say things you regret? Perhaps worded things in a way that hurt a friend? Maybe you mis-spoke, or failed to say something that might have mattered. Whatever the case, it sounds like guilt. And guilt like this leads to resentment, which leads to frustration and disconnection in our relationships.

Are you saying to yourself, "If only I had done...?"
Are you thinking, "I shouldn't have said those things... I was so mean..."
Are you thinking, "I should do this now, or do that now...."

These types of things are all forms of guilt.

You will notice guilt through the pain in your shoulders. Notice the word "should" and the word "shoulder"... where do you think the "should's" go in your body? That's right! Directly to your shoulders. So, if you're carrying around guilt, it is more than likely that you have pain or stiffness in your shoulders. This pain may even be running down your arms or up your neck, if you're in extreme guilt mode. I've also read that you can also find pain from guilt in your ankles. So, if you're having ankle pain, release guilt, too.

How can you get out of this pain from guilt?

Answer: You can get rid of the guilt by letting go of resentment.

Let go of the guilt and resentment. Stop harboring these thoughts and thinking those "If only..." types of thoughts. The fact of the matter is, you didn't. The only thing we can control now is what we DO NOW.

More causes of guilt and solutions to dealing with guilt:

Often, we have guilt when we were trying to control another person. This can happen when we are trying to manipulate their behavior. Or, when we're trying to withdraw from them and they don't listen. Both are forms of manipulation.

Giving someone the cold shoulder can create guilt. After all, the cold shoulder is cold from heart to shoulder. Offering them an ear, only to be told how you were wrong and they were right, well, this can create guilt, too. Release trying to control other people. The only person you can control is yourself. When you release that attempt at control, you release the guilt that has built within you. Just let the guilt go and breath through your body. Relax your shoulders and let yourself feel love again to let go of guilt. It's there for the taking if you want it.

Other times, we might have guilt when we did something that hurt someone. Let's face it, hurting other people is sometimes a part of life. We may not have meant to hurt them, or perhaps we said something in response to something they triggered in us. In any event, I need to point out that guilt from hurting someone can be assuaged by apologizing; however, after the initial apology you must just let it go. Leave the past in the past and focus on happier things in the future.

Another form of guilt happens when someone was overbearing with us. In that situation, we may feel guilty that we didn't do what they wanted. More likely, we might feel guilt over allowing them to dominate us. After all, we have our own inner voice. Can't we listen to that and heed the call? We think these thoughts, and they create guilt within us. This guilt will also built up pain in your body. Let it go. You cannot control what other people do. You did what you did, the past is the past. Leave it there. Some people want to be dominated, others like dominating, and it isn't the end of the world. Just reclaim who you are, let your shoulders be strong and back again, and let your guilt go free. You'll feel better when you do.

Last, we might have guilt over something done to us. That type of guilt is more about shame or embarrassment. That type of guilt can be due to abuse, or perhaps someone left us, or maybe they rejected us. That type of guilt is also something we cannot control. We cannot control whether or not someone wants to be with us. If they do not wish to be with us, that is their choice. Respect their choice, and let go of the expectation that we needed them. We didn't NEED them. We don't need anybody or anything. All we need is love, and that love comes from within first. We may have WANTED them, but there is a clear difference. Release the NEED for another person and let the guilt over things done or not done for us go. Relax your shoulders again and get your moxie back.

If you've been feeling guilt and resentment you can also feel the opposite: acceptance and forgiveness. When you are successful at releasing the guilt and accepting what is, and then releasing resentment through forgiving the past, you are ready to embrace the future again with refreshed shoulders and a refreshed body. This article focused more on guilt than resentment. I've got an article on forgiveness that also helps with resentment here.
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Monday, April 21, 2008

When and How To Reconcile

Have you and your partner recently gone through tough times?

If so, things may have been said that hurt you. In fact, your partner may have even done things that upset you, caused you to feel they didn't understand you, or maybe even intentionally hurt you. Things like that happen during misunderstandings, sometimes. Yes, after misunderstandings we often will face the potential of an offer for reconciliation. Is your partner offering to reconcile with you? What will you do? How will you handle it? Do you get mean or be nice? There are important questions to consider and it requires a delicate touch to do it right.

Are you or your partner considering a reconciliation?
How can you know when and how to reconcile?

What do you do when your partner returns to you, pouring out their heart and soul to you, asking you to consider a reconciliation? Which finger do you give him? Do you give him a middle-finger salute, tell him or her to "Get therapy", "Go on with your life, I'm done with you" or do you give him a finger of friendship and tell him "I hear you, I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm hurting, too and will talk with you..." or do you give him your wedding ring finger and say "Put your money where your mouth is - let's see the diamond! I love you, too."

If your partner is a female and seeking reconciliation, do you tell her, "Well, I hope you get help - you're disturbed! Beat it!" Or do you tell her, "It wasn't you, it was me." Or do you tell her "Sweetie, I understand you're offering a chance at reconciliation, let me take stock of where I am at and get back to you" or "Yes, I hurt, too. Why don't we talk...?" or "Yes, I love you, too. I accept your offer, baby!"

The response you give your partner just might determine the fate of your future possible relationship with this same partner. Sure, you might be broken up now, but sometimes people must go through a challenge to hone their love. It is not unusual that people hit bumps in the love road of romance and being together. It is quite normal, in fact. So, what do you do when they come to you?

HOW TO HANDLE THEIR APPROACH

Some people think that once you decide to break up with someone, that yes, it ought to be over, and that is that. Well, that's nice in a book. But life isn't like that some times. Sometimes people break up because they have been invalidated, treated poorly, and hurt. Sometimes, they'd stay together if you talked with them and made the effort to work it out. So, don't just dismiss all breakups as "final and over". That's my first recommendation.

Next, some people will only offer reconciliation once. I'm not big on roller coaster relationships; however, I must say that life itself is not all even terrain - sometimes we must go through a storm to cross a sea. So, don't just dismiss a reconciliation as weakness, as it may be a genuine profession of true love for you! In other words, be very careful how you treat your partner when they approach you telling you "I still love you, I miss you" after a break up.

If you are angry over a perceived break-up, trying to move on, and your partner approaches you, I would only suggest to you that you consider that your partner might be really hurting, truly missing you, and feeling overwhelming love and thus, willing to take a chance to have you give him or her the bad finger. Clearly, if you've had a disconnect, that is a possibility. At the same time, your partner knows that you might also just be indifferent, which will also hurt them if they are baring their entire soul and heart to you. Certainly, if they come to you professing that they love you and miss you with sobbing tears, they probably DO love you and miss you.

CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE TO AN OFFER TO RECONCILE CAREFULLY

So, choose your words carefully. I had someone once tell me all the things they'd done in the relationship and blamed me for their stuff. It was ridiculous, and it didn't result in reconciliation. Another time, I had someone treat me like a child. That didn't work, either. One time, a woman decided that our lunch after hot love-making session was a good time to break out her "top ten list of things I hate about you" that she claimed I needed to change to date me again. She made it to about #7 when I decided I'd made a huge mistake! Another difficult relationship scenario, when I went back, baring my soul, she told me to "Get therapy. You're just making it worse. Life goes on." I didn't need therapy. I know my heart and I just experience emotions on a deep level. Yeah, I was looking for "I love you and miss you, too." So, I know how it feels to be someone seeking reconciliation and having it not work out. I've also reconciled successfully, too. Usually, a reconciliation fares better - even if the relationship doesn't work out - when both people are NICE to each other. Needless to say, in all of these situation, a reconciliation did not occur.

Remember, in breaking-up, reconciling, as in getting together, try, try, try to do it LOVINGLY.

I would recommend that you keep your response to a reconciliation offer to one of either neutrality "I need to determine if I'm ready to reconcile" or "I need to handle some things to make sure we can have a healthy relationship" or the more positive "I'd like to consider your reconciliation. Let's meet to discuss this and see if we can work it out."

I'm not sure I recommend receiving the offer and immediately accepting it, unless you know you were in the wrong and owe them a BIG apology. Then, you might want to say, "Honey, I'm sooo sorry for how I treated you. I love you, too. Let's talk about how to get back together!"

Are you considering offering a reconciliation?

There are some complicated issues around reconciliation. Not all situations are created equal. If your situation is a particularly challenging situation, I strongly recommend you seek professional assistance to help you decide what to do.

1. For example, was there abuse involved?

If your partner, or their family members, were verbally or physically abusing you, then you might thank your lucky stars and be happy that you're out. Why go back to someone who is abusive? Nobody needs to endure that. If you think it might be a temporary situation and could be resolved, then you *could* consider the reconciliation, but I wouldn't recommend it without professional help involved to mitigate your concerns. Abuse (verbal, physical, rape, etc.) -- especially when the threat of physical harm was present -- is the most serious of break-up concerns.

2. Was someone saying that the other was not meeting their needs? There are many needs we have in a relationship. Some are financial. Others are what we do together for activities. Others are sexual. And, some others, just understanding and communicating together. Relationships can break down in many ways. If someone was not meeting the others' needs, it is important to see what is causing these needs to be unmet. If it is the partner, why go back to reconcile when they've already demonstrated they won't meet your needs - UNLESS - they make a wholehearted effort to embrace, acknowledge, and recognize their shortcoming and make a sincere effort to meet your request.

Now, at the same time, if YOU were the one who wasn't meeting their needs, maybe you need to look in the mirror and say "can I do that?" and if you can, step up. If you can't, respectfully decline and go on with your life.

Are they telling you that you need to make more money? Can you? Are you trying to do something that is causing your family finances serious harm? You might consider something temporary to help mitigate the concern.

Are they saying they'd like you to participate in more of a certain activity? Can you do it? If so, make a date to do so.

Is your partner telling you that you are not satisfying their sexual needs? Then you need to consider if they are being demanding or requesting something reasonable that you can comply with doing. If you can comply, quit holding out and give it up! You'll both be happier.

3. Is someone getting invalidated? If something happened that upset you, was it because you were invalidating your partner or ignoring their concerns? If so, you might need to apologize and get it together. It is important to validate each other. Did someone ask for an apology? Why? Perhaps you didn't validate them. This is a concern that can cause you to get very frustrated and say things that later you might wish you hadn't. So, recognize if someone has said things to you that seemed out of character, as if they were seeking validation for a concern and you failed to give it. Now, if their request was out of order, then you may be right not to validate it. However, if their request was sane and reasonable, then get off your high horse and sincerely apologize!

If someone asks you for an apology, and out of anger you give it, but don't mean it, be careful. Because, you'll likely slip later and say something like "you were demanding" and they'll pick up on your lack of sincerity, if they're paying attention. If you don't mean to apologize, well, I guess don't, but I've always felt that if someone is demanding an apology from me that I've usually failed to validate something they were sharing with me and I probably owed an apology of some sort.

Reconciliations aren't easy. There isn't a magic way to do it. The only thing I can tell you is that if you ever loved your partner, and they are coming to you offering you an olive branch, consider showing them love in your communications. You might be glad you did later.

If you decide that yes, you do want to reconcile, then I'd suggest trying the following approach.

How to Reconcile With Your Partner:

1. Meet in a public, neutral place. Don't meet in your favorite restaurant or cafe. That would create a situation overly strong with memories. Instead, choose a new place that is reasonably quiet AND comfortable so that you can communicate clearly.

2. Agree to be respectful, fair, and loving towards each other. Let them know there are concerns and get an agreement to work on the concerns. When you feel the time is right, share some concerns and see if your partner is willing to work on those concerns.

3. You do not have to agree that you were wrong on every concern your partner has in order to reconcile. However, you will probably be wise to agree on the points where you can agree. Dale Carnegie once wrote "To resolve an argument, start with agreement." It's pretty wise advice.

4. Be nice and loving as much as humanly possible. You will get more with honey than vinegar, trust me.

5. Don't be vain, shallow, overly emotional, or demanding. Remember, love usually includes words like "forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance, respect, and giving." Don't be a woose. Just be who you are. Be real and be loving.

6. Offer to make concessions and do what your partner needs if it is within reason and doesn't violate who you are at your core. Ask for what you want, too.

7. Make a sincere effort to deliver anything that you commit to do. People tend to get along better with other people who keep their agreements. So, keep your agreements. If you agree to go to a counsellor for a period of time, then go to the counsellor for that period of time. If you agree to get a new job, then get a new job. If you agree to discipline the kids differently, then discipline the kids differently. If you agree to give more sex, then give more sex. If you agree to do certain activities, then do them! Whatever you commit to in order to reconcile you must deliver to honor and respect both yourself and your partner.

See if these tips don't help you create a more healthy reconciliation if you're ever broken up in your relationship.

What if you don't want to reconcile?

If you decide that you do not want to reconcile, still, be nice and be as loving as possible. Let them know you've loved and appreciated all they've done for you, but as in life some things don't last forever and you've decided to move on. Wish them well on their journey. I've written more articles that might help you with a break-up at AspireNow.com and here at this blog.

Learn more about dating and relationships from AspireNow:
Solving Sabotage Syndrome
Healing a Broken Heart
Is He or She The One?
SoulMates or In The Meantime

The magic of making up: how to get your ex back!

Visit Smooth Sailing to get even more relationship advice.
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. This information is provided for entertainment purposes. Seek professional assistance if your situation warrants.

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Why Does Love Hurt So Much?

I'm sure you've heard the expression: Love Hurts. Why does love have to hurt so much?

Truly, I wish I had the answer. When we go through a breakup, our eyes get puffy from lack of sleep and crying. Our chest hurts probably not so much from an actual breaking heart but more likely shortness of breath because we are in "fear" mode.

Why Does Love Hurt So Much?

Yes, when we lose someone we've been with for a while, we are losing love. Or, at least we are in fear that we are losing love. And, fear blocks love. When we go into that mode, it seems that we are creating more of what we don't want: less love.

So, if you're hurting - and I can empathize with your pain - try to remember to keep breathing. Allow yourself to feel hurt, allow yourself to feel the loss, but remember than when you create a space in your life you might be allowing more love to come into your life in the not-so-distant future.

Not only that, but sometimes we need to release things in order to grow. I think this is where most relationships fall down: expectation and attachment to things hoped for but not entirely real. It is those expectations that drive some people to drugs or alcohol, others to immerse themselves in their work, the kids, food, exercise, or any other number of obsessions to try to deal with unmatched expectation.

The only thing I can say to you, if this is what you've been doing, is to consider releasing the expectation. Releasing the expectation is really the only opportunity to create a truly healthy, happy relationship, anyway.

I'm not suggesting this so that you necessarily get back together. Just release it anyway and see how life unfolds.

And, in the meantime, remember to keep breathing. Remember to do the things you love most. Remember to be loving to your friends and family who love you.

I write these words with all the love in my heart, to you, the person who may be hurting.

The pain will recede over time. Life will go on, if you let it. Release control, take a deep breath, and let it out. Then do it again. Keep yourself busy with exercise. Clear out any clutter that's been blocking you from being healthy environment or creating unnecessary attachment, too. Once you do, you will feel more alive, more free, and more able to love with the WHOLE you again.

*****
See other related articles:
Breaking Up
The AspireNow Break Up Guide
How To Get Over A Painful Breakup
Digging In The Dirt

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond)

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life

How To Break Up
Solving Sabotage Syndrome
Healing a Broken Heart
Is He or She The One?
SoulMates or In The Meantime

Thank you for being a reader of AspireNow articles! I appreciate you.

Want to learn how to get your ex back? Click Here!

Click here if you'd like to show a little appreciation back, in terms of a donation, visit The Most Powerful Law article, and you'll see a donate tab on the bottom left of the page. Abundance will flow your way, too!
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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. This article is provided for entertainment. If your situation is serious, if you're experiencing depression for more than a few days, or if you are contemplating suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately!

Want more articles like this? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Do Your Kids Always Come First?

Do the kids always come first?

In today's American Society, many single mother's and fathers have this expression:

"My kids come first."

I understand why they might say this. However, in dating, this expression creates a SERIOUS problem.

I'll explain what I mean.

Kids come first when it comes to CARE.

Yes, the kids need to come first in terms of you caring for them, providing a roof over their head, making sure their fed before you go off galavanting on dates, good times, or other self-serving situations. The kids may also come first over your desire of activities or how you handle day-to-day life choices. But this dynamic MUST change when you are in a relationship. How can you put the kids first if your boyfriend/girlfriend (possible husband/wife-to-be) is supposed to be #1 as your friend and lover? The kids cannot come between the new glue you are building in your romantic relationship. And, it is up to the PARENT to make sure this doesn't happen.

But, that's easier said, than done, isn't it?

Now, when it is a matter of CARE, yes, your child will come first. Your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife ought to be able to care for herself.

Clearly, it is a parent's first reaction to defend their child. So, that is not what I'm talking about.

What I am talking about is when your child IS WRONG and when it is a matter of DISCIPLINE or RESPECT. And, yes, there will be those moments. In those moments, you MUST support your relationship partner over the child. Why? Because, if you don't, then the child can get away with whatever they want (and know it) and this will eventually cause separation or resentment between your new partner and you.

In moments of discipline or respect, your partner MUST come first.

I can attest to this. I've seriously dated six different women (at different times, of course) who each had a son about 10 years old. Anyway, in each of these situations, there were situations where the mother had to discipline her child for the way the child acted around me or treated me. One thing I don't want in my life is disrespect, not from my friends, not from my lover, and not from her children. If the child is showing disrespect (talking back, saying rude things, acting rudely, or doing something threatening) these things would send up a relationship yellow flag - and quite possible RED flag - IF the mother didn't do anything to rectify the problem. I would always consider verbal abuse (saying "f-u" for example) or physical abuse (grabbing something to hit the parent's partner) as a strong RED flag to the partner (and possibly the parent) to end the relationship and suggest both the child and parent get help or counseling.

This is a possible sign that the relationship has already crossed the "no-go" boundaries of respect because the mother is putting the child first and defending behavior (or not properly disciplining such behavior) as to allow the child to create a barrier between her and her partner. If this is your situation, I suggest you get professional help!

There are certain times where the mother can show love but stop the kid in their tracks if they are talking back, being rude, and so forth. But the times the mother or father must be 100% behind the partner is if the child PHYSICALLY THREATENS or CUSSES at the partner. It can happen. I know - it happened to me. The child was completely over-reacting, being disrespectful, selfish, rude, and immature. The parent, whether mother or father, must not allow disrespectful, rude, and immature behavior towards their partner or they are creating a presedence that backs their partner into a no-man's land.

Are you dealing with something similar? Suggest to your partner that he or she put YOU first - when the child is out of line, there is NO other way. Otherwise, your relationship is likely to have significant issues that may eventually derail your ability to stay together. The bond between parents and their children is THAT strong that yes, it can blow the whole thing up no matter how much you love each other.

Are you a divorced (single) parent of a boy or girl? Are you expecting your partner to be a miracle worker, and somehow be loving towards your kids AND remain aloof when it comes to discipline? Do you realize how impossible a situation you might be putting your partner in? This problem gets worse if you back your kid instead of your hopeful spouse when your loving little child is acting like a spoiled rotten little brat! Now, if your partner is out of line, okay, correct that with them. But there is no reason why children should get away with things that a life partner would not, is there?

Can the child try to undermine the relationship?

What if the child secretly wants you and your partner to break up? IF they then act untowardly towards your partner, is it possible they might undermine your relationship? Darn right they will! It happened to me on two occasions! When this occurs, you're dealing with what's known in counselling circles as a "wedge" in your relationship. If you allow your child (and your partner) to build a wedge, you're in a difficult spot as a parent. Try, at all costs, to eliminate any formations of a wedge at first sign of appearance.

What's the solution?

If you put your focus first on your God, second on your partner, third on your children, you will likely have a more healthy and balanced situation.

I wish American society would stop putting this huge emphasis on "they are my everything" because I'd have been pissed if I'd have been my parent's everything. Frankly, I'm grateful that my parents have their own life, their own friends, and their on interests they pursue. It makes them healthy, happy people. If they lived completely, vicariously through me, they'd be only living part of their life purpose.

And, as you all know, I'm deeply interested in living on purpose.

RED FLAGS: There comes a point when it is clear that a child is getting away with murder: when they can physically threaten your partner and you DEFEND their behavior. Are you allowing this? If you are, YOU are likely the biggest part of the problem. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined, but if you're defending your child's behavior you must know you're not helping your partner build a stronger connection with you.

Are you being threatened by a child of the person you're dating? Are you concerned about this? You ought to be! If this isn't a red flag to you, you're clearly out of touch with relationship road signs. Be careful when you are dating. This is why they call it "dating" instead of marriage. You have an opportunity to spot problems and either solve them together or end the affair. Wouldn't it be better to spot a problem BEFORE tying the knot and ending it before someone got seriously hurt?

That's what I recommend if that's your situation.

My philosophy on relationships is simple: eyes first on God, second on each other, third on family, fourth on friends and career. If you live your life in such a way, you'll have a very happy, very loving family situation - even if you're single and trying to date.

This is how it pens out in my mind, in the matter of spiritual balance and in the matter of RESPECT, it MUST be like this:

GOD COMES FIRST
SPOUSE/PARTNER COMES SECOND
CHILDREN COME THIRD

It's the only way it all can work. I know this isn't easy. And, I don't claim to be an expert on parenting. But, I HAVE chosen to be the significant other in a relationship where the mother had children on more than one occasion and I can say that if you ALWAYS put the CHILD first you're giving your partner no way to win in the relationship.

Kids: Be kind to your step parents, and the partner's of your parent - it's hard to be in their shoes! Yes, play with the step or dating partner, but also respect their boundaries and mind them as your own parent. You'll get further in the long run if you do.

To the single parent: give your partner first nod above your child when it comes to matters of respect, discipline, love, and then show your child the care - together - that you ought to show them together. Discuss things with your partner and try to understand your partner's point of view. Your life will be much less stressful and much more on purpose if you can achieve this balance.

To the person who dates the single parent: Be patient... you will need forgiveness to minimize the resentment of the child's attention from your partner.

Try suggesting this position of God First, Partner Second, Kids Third, and be true to your values, and don't let children show you disrespect! As the partner of their parent, you deserve to be treated with respect, love, and care. Show them love, give to them, and they ought to respond accordingly. There will be moments where you must release expectation and forgive if you are to date and/or marry (and remain married) to a partner with children. Don't be afraid to honor the signals you're given: GREEN: love, YELLOW: signs of trouble/disrespect, RED: sign of blatant disrespect, verbal abuse, or physical violence - strongly consider leaving/ending the relationship immediately. Always remember that no matter what you do, love is the answer.

If the parent is defending you, even when things get gnarly, you might be able to work through it. If they don't defend you, consider alternative partners. If you're married and in a tough spot (kids are cussing at you, threatening you, or otherwise violating your boundaries), I'd suggest professional counselling for ALL parties involved. If you are not married, I'd suggest you move on because there are other fish in the sea, so to speak.

I write this article in love and gratitude to all the single parents who read this; in love and gratitude for the children who open up to the person who loves their parent; and in love and gratitude to those who date the mothers and fathers who are trying so hard to raise their children well.

The Magic of Making Up: Get Your Ex Back!
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This article is provided for entertainment purposes. The author may not be a licensed psychotherapist and suggests you seek help if your situation warrants assistance.

Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I Am So Grateful!

Are you grateful?

We often take our life, our job, our vehicle, our health, our family, and our friends for granted.

I've done it myself. But this past Sunday, I experienced a nasty accident on the freeway after hydroplaning through a huge puddle on the freeway. The slippage sent my Toyota Tundra 4x4 spinning, then slamming into the divider embankment. After hitting the embankment, my truck then flipped at least once, maybe twice, and finally came to a rest on the driver's side. It was very strange to find myself sitting there with the engine still running, in a tremendous amount of pain on my left side from slamming into the seat belt door jamb upon both first and last impact.



Upon retrospect, I think I'm quite blessed. You see, my vehicle could have been hit while I was trying to get out of the truck. In addition, I could have been hurt far worse. That Tundra is one very safe truck, I can say now! I feel my truck saw me through this well. But, more than that, I had an Angel over my shoulder.

I am so grateful to be alive today! Considering the damage (over $17,000 - they totaled the truck) it could have turned out different:



Seven reasons I am grateful today:

First, I am grateful for each breath of life.

Second, I am grateful for all the beauty and amazing things in this world and universe.

Third, I am grateful for all of the love from my family and friends. Thank you...

Fourth, I am grateful for my health. This pain in my neck and shoulder is a reminder to always be grateful for good health.

Fifth, I am grateful for everyone I come into contact with - even those who challenge me. Each of you make my life more meaningful. I am grateful for all of the experiences we can share together. Laughter, walks in nature, making music with my saxophone, speaking about blogging or business, writing about ways to improve our life, or just sharing a meal together.

Sixth, I am grateful for the wheels that get me to work and get me places to go.

Last, I am grateful for God, the Spirit which flows through all things, and life itself.

It would have been strange to die... (I'm not finished yet!)

It would have been strange to die last week. I don't think I am ready. It isn't as if I am not right with my maker, or that I haven't lived a good life. Actually, I think I've lived quite well. The reason I say it would have been strange is that I feel I have SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE!

This accident was a blessing in disguise. It was a reminder to be grateful for friends, life, family, and all of my blessings. It was also a reminder to remain focused - or even focus more - on my purpose for being on this planet.

I am here to help advise people how to bring more love into their work, their life, and live their dreams. I am here to provide advice how to do that. If often comes with perspective, asking the right questions, and then going down the natural path that comes from the answers to those questions.

If you are not being grateful for your blessings, take it from me: gratitude is the right attitude!

Each day, we get a new sun, to greet with a smile - if we choose to:



It is our choice to choose an attitude of gratitude for life, for love, for all of the beauty and good things in the world.

If you are grateful, send me a comment and let me know why. Thanks for reading my words today. Please feel free to share them with your friends if you're touched by any of these stories.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here to share this with you!
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Of Lust or Laundry?

Here's a fun little film about lust at a laundromat:


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Copyright © 2008 AspireNow. Film Copyright Ryan Heckman (to the best of my knowledge). No infringement intended. All rights reserved. Want more? Subscribe to the A-Blog.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Ways To Say I Love You

AspireNow is featuring Scott Andrews, who is giving a special talk on "Ways To Say 'I Love You'" at AspireNow: Seriously Fun Self Help Radio this week. Show time is a special 2PM PST / 5PM EST on Thursday (in honor of Valentine's Day).

It might even be as crazy and fun as this video:



Call in and ask questions of Scott regarding your own love life! It's easy, fun, and simple to join:

VISIT ONLINE:
Click here to dial-in online: www.talkshoe.com/tc/37792

By PHONE:
Call: (724) 444-7444
Enter: 37792 # 1 #

See you there!
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Letter To A Wounded Soldier

The Associated Press announced today that letters addressed "To A Wounded Soldier" were being returned as undeliverable and return to sender. Reasons given: (1) threat of anthrax through the mail, and (2) concern over whether a message contained in the email would be demoralizing (such as "stop killing babies" or stuff like that).

A comment by one woman was "I just wanted to say, 'I'm sorry you're hurt. Thank you, Merry Christmas.'"

In the spirit of such a gesture, I've decided to write my own version of a "Letter to a wounded soldier" here at AspireNow. If this letter moves you, feel free to forward/copy to your friends and family members who are affected by this war. All I ask is you keep the original author copyright and links attached. Blessings!

"Letter To A Wounded Soldier:

December 11, 2007

Dear Wounded Soldier,

I am writing on behalf of the parent who is too numb, scared, upset, or unable to write to you.

I am so sorry that you are not home with us this year for the holidays. More importantly that that, I am sorry that you are wounded and in pain.

I know you felt it worthy to fight for the cause in Iraq. I know you felt it worth dying for, or you would not have gone. I just can't imagine anyone would have thought you'd get hurt. I am so proud of you for fighting to right injustices in the world. I have not been there to see everything you may have done. But whether all of your actions have been good, or bad, I give you the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because I love you and believe you are standing up for the right thing. Just as the men and women who planted a flag in the ground the morning of September 11, 2001 stood up for the right thing.

Some people do not believe in this war. To those people, I can only say that I understand your frustration. It seems that our government rushed to war in both Afghanistan and in Iraq. Many people feel the war is the right thing to do, while many oppose it. Nevertheless, it is the American responsibility to stand up and serve our commander-in-chief, even if we do not always agree with him. This letter especially goes to the soldier who felt this way prior to going to this war, fought in the war, and suffered injury due to the war. To you, especially, I write to share in your frustration.

While you may not know me, and I may not know you, it is so important to so many of us back home that you hear this message:

We love you. We miss you. We are sorry you are hurt. Please heal to the best of your ability. We pray that God would summon a quick healing for you and bring you back to be with us soon. We miss you, today, and every day that you are not here with us.

Thank you, so much, for what you do for every one of us, and our country, America.

Love,
Me."
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This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. You may republish this article only AS A COMPLETE WHOLE with ENTIRE LINKS and copyright messages attached. To read more articles like this, subscribe to the A-Blog.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Energizing The Earth


There is so much attention around Global Warming, and rightfully so, that there is a concern that other environmental issues are getting swept under the geo-political landscape. People are so focused on Global Warming, and I'm glad this issue has heated up; however, we need to be looking at how the we power the Earth, as a whole.

Earth Day: Only .03% Attention

Earth Day is usually in April, one day out of the year. But this focus is too minuscule to matter. 1/365 is less than .03% of our time! We need EVERY day to be Earth Day. Every day ought to be a day we focus on improving our Earth and creating a better way of life.

It is true that if you're talking about an environmental issue in a group of a dozen people, it is inevitable that the conversation will shift to Global Warming almost every time. I have a group of musician and dancer friends who are very interested in global issues. The last time we gathered, sure enough, someone brought up an environmental rant and within two minutes four of them were in full-fledged Global Warming debate.

Can you relate?
But the bigger concern, from my perspective, isn't just Global Warming. Global Warming, to me, seems like a subset of the bigger picture question facing our future needs: energizing the Earth.

How do we energize the earth?

It is important that we, as people inhabiting our Earth, consider ALL issues that might impact this planet, and try to minimize them. So much attention is focused on carbon dioxide emissions and the effect of greenhouse gases that people are forgetting about equally important issues surrounding mercury, nuclear waste, and other concerns.

I challenge the scientists probing for energy breakthroughs to find a way to power our Earth from the solar system, rather than from natural resources within our Earth. Energizing the Earth from natural, renewable sources ought to be the Earth's primary focus, right now. Why? Because we cannot continue to drill out all the oil, mine all the coal, and build any more nuclear waste sites. After all, how many years does it take for a nuclear site to become non-toxic? We're talking generations.
To me, the water is as important as air we breathe. In fact, water may, in some places, be even more important. If we cannot get pure water to drink, we run the risk of disease, poor health, and many other issues as vital to breathing unpolluted air.

Solutions to help us Energize the Earth:
1. We need to focus on harnessing natural Earth energy as much as possible:

air, solar, water, volcanic, etc.

2. We need to minimize power sources and fuel sources that put waste into our air, water, forests, and earth. By these, I mean coal, natural gas, oil, and nuclear. Is growth, at all costs, worth it? Is it worth risking another Chernobyl-type meltdown? We need to make WISER decisions regarding our planet and stop seeing ourselves, as human beings, as superior beings who can take and use the Earth at our discretion.

Does Global Warming Matter?

This seems to be a question of debate, still, for many people. To me, you only need look at the facts of global warming and you can quickly see that we must reduce gases and pollution in our atmosphere.
Taking a Stand

People need to TAKE A STAND against adding more nuclear and coal-powered plants. One group, Billionaires For Coal, recently took a stand against TXU, a company planning 11 new coal-powered plants in Texas. In an article by Tara Lohan of Alternet.org, the Billionaires For Coal activists sent suitcases filled with coal to Merrill Lynch, Citigroup, and Morgan Stanley, the three firms bankrolling the multi-billion dollar project. The statement to the bankers is simple: stop being stupid over corporate greed!

Legislating Future Plants

The banks need to become more responsible in projects they will finance. If they simply took coal and nuclear off the map (most likely through government regulation), this would force the banks and energy companies to redirect their efforts to Energize the Earth with more natural, sustainable energy production methods.

More Advanced Solar Plants In Deserts

If we know we can create an energy plant that will make our air more healthy, then that is the plant we ought to build. If we know we can build shipping vessels that put less waste into the ocean, then those are the vessels we ought to build. PERIOD. The most logical source of power in the form of renewable energy (at least, in all practical meaning of the word "renewable") is SOLAR. One suggestion is to create a massive solar grid in major desert locations, then redirect this power into the grid that fuels power-consumption across the planet. If we put as much money into the development of renewable solar cell energy and solar plants as we did into making war with other countries, it would seem this alternative would be far more possible far more quickly.

3. We need to rid our dependence upon oil as the fuel for automobiles and convert this to air. We need the oil companies to lead this charge.

Compressed Air?

I'm a believer that compressed air may be a solution. (See http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-important-is-global-warming.html for more on the importance of this concern.)

Methane from Microbes: Killing Two Birds With One Stone

An article just published today at http://www.physorg.com/ indicates that methane from Microbes could provide a clean, renewable energy source and use up carbon dioxide in the process. More information about clean and renewable energy is coming out all the time. If we could produce clean and renewable energy AND use up carbon dioxide, this would kill two birds with one stone. So, some type of source of energy, either compressed air, or methane from Microbes, needs to be developed and utilized in ALL automobiles as soon as possible.

4. We need to look for natural energy sources within our solar system. Perhaps energy from Jupiter might be a solution? The red spot is supposed to have anti-cyclone energy of some type.

Harnessing Other Galactic Energy?

Perhaps there is a way to harness that energy? I'm not a scientist, just an observer who happens to think "what if" scenarios about the information I learn. I'm curious to learn more about this developing potential source of energy. If you have information regarding harnessing space energy, please comment/forward the URL.


Yes, Global warming matters.

I continue to find evidence of an increase in real, measurable impact that directly results from an increase in human-related activities influencing our planet. I discussed this more in my "How Important Is Global Warming" post in November, 2007.

What are your thoughts on environmental issues? Do these relate to life purpose and living with more love, to you?



1 Billion Points of Light

There is another way we can energize the Earth, that often is not talked about. This is not physical energy, but spiritual energy. The idea put forth by former President George H. W. Bush of "1,000 points of light" is ridiculous, when you consider there are now BILLIONS of people living on Earth! We need to think in terms of "1,000,000,000 points of light!"

As we focus more and more on the aspects of improving our Earth and the life around us what we need is a continual state of prayer, focused on more love, more benefit for the Earth. If 1,000,000,000 people were praying, focusing their thoughts and intentions upon better, natural, renewable energy for the Earth, my feeling is that our scientists would find their solutions quicker. Oil companies would release their death-grip on the planet and start to act responsibly towards the planet's future. Government agencies would take stronger stands. Corporations would be focused on the big picture, rather than short-term greed.

Entrepreneurs: You are called to develop advanced companies with new technology to create a healthier planet. We need you now more than ever. It is with this perspective that we can transform our planet and truly create a sustainable global footprint for the future.

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Resources related to this article:
An Inconvenient Truth
Amazon Price: $17.98 List Price: $29.99

Miracles for the Earth
Amazon Price: $11.49 List Price: $19.95

NOVA - Magnetic Storm
Amazon Price: $11.00 List Price: $19.95

Quatermass (1979)
Amazon Price: $8.40 List Price: $39.95

Saving Earth - Energy from the High Frontier
Amazon Price: $12.95 List Price: $12.95
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This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. You may republish this article only AS A COMPLETE WHOLE with ENTIRE LINKS and copyright messages attached.

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