Dating and Relationship Tips Learned From Salsa Dancing

Lately, I've been getting quite engaged with Salsa dancing. Why? Salsa dancing is fun, good exercise, healthy, and challenging! Second, I love the music. Cuban, Cha-Cha, Afro music is fun to dance to. I've lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks since embarking on my recent classes Salsa dancing, so it is also a good workout!

There is another benefit to Salsa dancing: gaining a better understanding of dating and relationships. By dancing Salsa, you can learn more about how to relate with the opposite sex, how to be a "healthy" partner, how to be a stronger man, and how to be a more complete woman.

This past year, a member of CPSalsa.com sent me the following list of dancing tips for Salsa dancers: "I'm sure that most of you have heard of the saying that ignorance is bliss. Therefore, by inference, the less I know, the happier I am. Of course, in the salsa dancing world this is pure rubbish. You may be happy, but your dancing partner may be secretly formulating a plan to gouge out your eyeballs. To avoid this situation, you absolutely need to know what works and what doesn't on the dance floor. As G.I. Joe proclaims, "Knowing is half the battle".

So in your battle to become that salsa stud or salsa diva on the dance floor, I managed to gather up a list of dance floor pet peeves and other things people actually love about their dance partner for your reading pleasure. These are in no particular order.

Dancing Pet Peeves

1. Not looking at your partner or holding eye contact while dancing. In other words, you're easily distracted.
2. Not dancing to the level of your partner. In other words, you're a showoff.
3. Bad breath. Come on people, we sell mints for crying out loud!
4. Really sweaty shirts. This one's subjective but it's always a good idea to keep an extra set of clothes handy.
5. Loose arms. This one's for the ladies. They call it spaghetti arms for a reason.
6. Ladies who come to a dance, but don't dance. I'm still trying to figure this one out.
7. Instructors who don't dance with beginners. Those spoiled instructors.
8. Couples who invade another couple's dance area. Not cool man!
9. Followers who apologize too much.
10. A guy who dances with the same lady more than twice in a row.
11. Too strong of a lead. Guys: Know thy strength.
12. Guys who think they are Salsa Heaven's gift to women. Guess what? You're not.

Alright, so let's not dwell too much on the negative. I'm sure you get the picture. Essentially, don't be an easily distracted showoff with bad breath and you should be fine. Now , let's dive into what people love about their partners.

I really love it when my dance partner....

1. Makes conversation with me.
2. Protects me on the dance floor.
3. Does simple but elegant moves.
4. Has engaging eyes.
5. Isn't easily distracted by other happenings on the dance floor.
6. Doesn't correct me on the dance floor.
7. Smells good.
8. Leads gently.
9. Thanks me after the dance.
10. Looks like she's having fun.
11. Makes me feel like I'm the best dancer on the floor.
12. Admits to their own mistakes and doesn't fault their partner.
13. Does shines and arm styling.
14. Encourages me.
15. Twirls me a lot.
16. Patient and helpful with a smile
17. Is confident.
18. Asks me to dance and isn't a wallflower.
19. Smiles through perspiration.

So, what can we learn from this list, as dancing might improve our dating and relationships?

Dating and relationship qualities features I noticed include:

• Confident: Confidence is sexy in men AND women. Know what you want to do, why you want to do it, and approach it with inner strength.
  
• Good eye contact: The eyes have it - we can always improve our dating and relationships by using "engaging eye contact" and not letting our eyeballs strain to other people, events, or distractions. Be present with your eyes, and you'll improve your relationships.
  
• Men - protect your women: Women like strong men because they enjoy being protected. This doesn't mean being a jerk to other people, just protect your partner's space. In addition, don't invade other people's space. This could go for people who cheat with their partner's friends, family members, or associates. Don't do it!
  
• Women - engage your men: show up, be excited, invite him, and respond to his requests. Be involved with style: Show-up, get involved, be simple, elegant, and restrained (no need to show off).
  
• Deal with mistakes politely: Correct in private, praise in public. Good advice from Dale Carnegie applies everywhere! Admitting to mistakes easily without blame is a good policy for dating and relationships, too. Have patience with each other and encourage when you experience something good together.
  
• Have fun: Twirls? I relate this to having fun. How often do you take your woman out and keep her active? Have fun with each other, surprise each other, make love often, kiss each other, and let your partner shine. Have fun and act like you're having fun. Have you ever been around someone who forgets to laugh, shake their hips a little, and greet you in a happy way? Remember to do this dancing AND in relationships!
  
• Be a good conversationalist: I've always felt there is a natural lead and follow in conversation, much like in dancing. Be open to your partner's thoughts and ideas and you'll have better relationships. Be encouraging, open, supportive.
  
• Look good, smell good: Practice good hygiene and nice dress. These things are basics but you'd be surprised how many people date looking like a slob or let themselves go in relationship. If you're finding yourself in sweats together hanging out on the couch, dress up, get out, and do something fun together! If you have bad breath, do something about it...maintain good hygiene and you'll likely keep your partner interested.
  
• Smile and be nice even through adversity: You'll notice from the dancing tips they suggest to smile through perspiration. Even when things are tough, don't stress on each other, keep it light, keep it fun, keep smiling and loving each other.
  
• Make each other feel special: Both men and women must make each other feel special. Men ought to make their woman feel like she's the only woman that matters to him, and women must act as their man is someone they enjoy and have fun with, as well as encouraging him.
  
• Show gratitude: Are you showing gratitude? Do you say "thank you" and write thank you notes frequently? Gratitude is a way of showing appreciation. Say thank you. Show you are into it, and initiate on your own, too.

As you see, you can improve your dating and relationship success by dancing Salsa (and probably West-Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, Rumba, Ballroom, East-Coast Swing, Night Club 2-Step, and other dancing styles). Use what you learn about dancing to gain insights into how to relate with the opposite sex, how to be a "healthy" partner, how to be a more dynamic, confident, and fun person to be with.

Use these tips in your own dating and relationships to increase your success with love and happiness.
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Want to learn more about Salsa Dancing? (Read on!)

Salsa can even be fun for kids to improve their interdynamic relationships. You'll notice all the fun group interaction when you check this out:



This is where salsa usually starts:




This is how partner dance moves develop:

Aren't these instructors awesome?



Notice the fun dynamic happening with the dancers in this group class:



And this is where you might end up if you get totally into it:



The Pros make it look so easy!



If you think you can't spin fast, watch these two:


As you can see, this can get a little crazy. I'm just starting with the basics and having fun with it.
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What Women Want

What Do Women Really Want?


Really! What DO women want? Isn't this one of the most challenging questions of all time? We thought "what men want" was difficult, but this is even harder.


The epic struggle of mankind to figure out the inner workings of women is ages old. Even Sigmund Freud, the master of modern psychology, died trying to figure out women. It isn't easy.


I had a friend once joke with me that "men mostly want sex, woman want the right to be hypocritical, yet call men on their inconsistencies." Yikes. No wonder men and women have struggles getting along!


One reason why understanding women isn't such an easy thing is because the ways women process thoughts and emotions are drastically different than their male counterparts' ways of processing.


Key difference between men and women: I've reviewed many studies that indicate women use emotion to process thought as their basis for decision making 30% more than men do.* As such, women are also known for being more intuitive than men. This is not exactly true, as men use intuition in different ways, and have different ways of communicating. Nevertheless, men tend to bond through shared activities, whereas women bond through sharing thoughts and feelings.


I've noticed that a woman will want to tell every little nuance of a story, where their male counterpart might be feeling like, "ok, what's the point?" A man typically seeks a solution to the problem, as if the story was a problem. Or, he's looking for a way to suggest something to help his woman improve, which is based upon competitive thinking (how men relate in conversation is much more competitive). In fact, a woman often is just relating this story to SHARE with him; there isn't anything competitive about it.


So what do women really want in a man?


The top 6 things women want FROM MEN, in order, are:
1. Confidence (or Power)
2. Sense of humor (Fun)
3. Money or the things money can buy (Security)
4. Looks (Protection and Attraction)
5. A little bit of "Bad boy" qualities (Mysterious and Independent/Strong)
6. All the other stuff they typically list (varies - sensitive, caring, etc.)


However, in interviewing countless women, and receiving numerous pointers from women (after all, I AM a MAN!) I must say that there is an expanded list for us guys to get familiar with, according to women. So, what is the expanded list? Men can get what they want from women much more frequently when they approach women with a few simple - yet effective - guidelines:


1. Women want a man to be confident! Confidence is the number one quality women look for. Don't be wimpy. Don't apologize for everything. Be real. Be you.


2. Women want a man who makes her feel like she's the only one. Women go nuts over a man who will go the extra mile. For example, he opens the door for her, he walks on the right side of the street, he helps her shop. I'm talking about being a GENTLEMAN! If she is cold, offer her your jacket. If she is in trouble, protect her. If there is danger, put your arm around her. Be a real man.


3. Women want a man with a sense of humor. A woman will almost always love a man who can make her laugh. If you are dull, you are boring. If you make a woman laugh, you're halfway home. Take a chance, be real, but be funny. There are several seduction experts who claim that being "cocky" and "funny" are the two most important qualities to attracting a woman. I agree.


4. Women want a man to listen to them (yes, even to the gripes and details of all the craziness) and not necessarily give advice. Many women love to complain about their problems; however, they complain not to receive advice, but merely to sound off. I know it's hard to nod and be supportive, because you want to watch ESPN or do something that to you may seem more exciting, but the fact is, your woman will go to the ends of the earth to love you when you truly listen to them and acknowledge their needs. You need to understand that women need to VENT. Allow her this, and she'll allow you in. Nod. Get involved and provide active listening feedback. Be truly interested in what she is saying without worrying about what you're going to say next. Then, watch what happens as your woman opens up to you more.


Women want men to listen to them, because they have a need to be heard. And, women want their man to express his feelings and trust her with his intimate side. Real listening, with real intimacy, is rare. Real listening is suspending thinking about what to say and being deeply engaged in what she is talking about. Listening requires actively paying attention -- shutting off the chatter mind.


5. Women want to be treated like they are the sexiest woman on the planet and that no other woman compares. Talking about your ex-girlfriends is not going to score big points with your new woman. Treating her like she's the ONLY one will make her smile for quite a while.


6. Women want to know you will be faithful. Don't tell a woman how you cheated on your ex. It won't make her think you are wise, loyal, or trustworthy. I'm not saying to lie to her -- just don't go there. Don't cheat on your woman. She will not think you are a better man for doing this. Just like you want think you are the only man she's ever loved, well, that's the thing she wants, too.



The key to faithfulness comes from your own inner character. Be a man of character and you will reap a relationship built upon trust. You gain respect through consistent committed action. Respect backed up by love builds trust, trust builds a strong relationship that can stand the tests of life and time.


7. Women SAY they want a sensitive man. Truth is, if you go around apologizing all the time and crying frequently then a woman will abuse you. Trust me, it is NOT wise to do. This was well exemplified during the beach scene in the movie Bedazzled, where the main character in the film was trying to woo his love interest, his advice had been to "be more sensitive." Well, he went so overboard, was so sensitive, that his love interest ended up walking away with another dude with the assumption that they'd have meaningless conversation and casual sex! Boy was HE surprised! Being overly sensitive is a quick way to get shown the door. It is important to strike a balance. Be strong, be there, yet share your emotions. Speak up and be real. Let them know you care. But don't be a sissy.


Women say they want to be treated like an equal. This is not true. Women want to be treated like a WOMAN. Not like a man. If she wanted to be with a woman, she'd do that. She wants to be with YOU. Therefore, be a MAN. This is not to be confused with being treated like a piece of property, not to be confused with being treated with disrespect. Women want to be respected! A woman wants to be respected for being feminine, being a woman. Women are quite different from men. A man who takes the time to understand the difference is a wise man. Bottom line here: NO MORE Mr. NICE GUY. Be a REAL MAN, not a sensitive NICE GUY. Because the nice guys usually do finish last.


You still don't get it? Ok, then try this: be your own bad self. I will say that some women are attracted to "Bad Boys". I think there is a certain ruggedness to the bad boy - they break rules, they sometimes behave rudely. But the true gentleman always remembers what matters most. Have an air of mystique, but definitely be you. If, on occasion, that means doing what you want, rather than what she wants, then do it. Just don't make a continual habit of it - that's rude.


8. Women LOVE a man with a plan. Women love men with ambition. Men who know who they are, what we're doing tonight, and what we're doing with our life. If you don't have a plan, get one. I have a plan (a) and plan (b) ready at all times, so that no matter what, it will appear I'm fairly spontaneous, but reality is I usually know where, when, and how the evening or date could go. In dating, it is extremely important that you have a plan when you ask a woman out. They will judge your sense of confidence by how well you have thought out where you will take her and what you will do together. So, think ahead, have a plan, then work that plan. While you're at it make sure you have an alternative plan, too, in case she doesn't like the first one!


It is equally important for a man to know when to call a woman's bluff and let her know when she is pushing his limits. A man who just falls over and laps at his woman's feet is a man who is called "whipped" for a reason. An example is as follows: she asks, "what do you want to do tonight," he says, "whatever you want to do." If this is his consistent pattern, he's whipped. She won't respect him in the end.


9. Don't be a tight-wad. Give the woman in your life gifts. Like the Chairman of the Board, Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, used to say, "you gotta gift 'em." Well, I figure good enough for Frank, good enough for me. After all, Frank was a MASTER SWOONER. Guys, get this: Frank Sinatra went to Hollywood with a plan to take a lengthy list of top actresses in his movie studio to bed at some point during his career. As the story goes, he pretty much succeeded. Some women will frown when they read this - but guys, I know what you're thinking: "who did Frank get together with?" Well, how about Gina Lollobrigida and Ava Gardner, for starters (I believe it was Angie Dickinson who claimed to abstain). That's like saying Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, and Charlize Theron to today's younger actor. So, maybe giving a gift once in a while isn't such a bad idea.



Just don't go broke trying to impress her! After all, Frank Sinatra also had a stellar voice, plenty of swagger, and loads of star power to go with his ability to buy a gift or two. Nevertheless, small gifts, especially gifts that show you were listening when she mentioned her favorite candy bar, or when she stopped at that jewelry counter to admire those earrings (but put them back without buying them), or how she commented on how she'd just love that dress in the window of that snazzy clothing store. Well, use your own imagination. But if you don't gift the woman in your life you'll probably be referred to by the woman you love as "cheapskate".


Now, "why," you ask, "do women care about gifts?" Good question. The answer is that one way women relate is through giving gifts - especially when you've paid attention to what they want. Women will gift exchange compliments with each other, too. So just trust me and surprise her with a gift every now and then and see if she doesn't respond favorably.


10. Be a true friend. LISTEN TO HER. Let her share her good times and problems with you. Be there, rather than just promising to be there. Consistent committed positive action is a definition of love. How do you show you are a friend? Are you there when it matters most? Are you there for the small stuff, too?


11. Women want to be loved, despite their flaws, and need to be satisfied mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as much as physically. Unconditional love would be ideal love. How can you love a woman without judgment, conditions, or rules? How would you like to be loved?


Sexually speaking, women define great sex differently than men, using words like soft candlelight, light touch, then becoming more aggressive as their mood rises to the occasion. A man, on the other hand, instantly rises to the occasion. Women want men to be their lover instead of obsessing over their body to just get sex. Rather than treat women as sex objects, treat them as someone to relate with; in other words, a real person! That means taking your time, showing extra attention, and being tender in ways with her to let her know she is special.


12. Women appreciate a man who is creative. Roses are nice. But sometimes it is extra special to think of something that most guys wouldn't do for a woman. It could be something frivolous, but if it is something that you think SHE would like, then why not do it? You might have just made her day.


13. Women want a sense of security, to know that her partner will be there if she becomes sick or when she grows old or flabby. Giving a woman security is being there through emotional and physical support. An example might be if she has to have surgery. Take the day off and be there for her, hold her hand, and give your full support to her. In other words, postpone that "tee time"! Security comes from trust. Again, this is about being able to rely in your strength of character.


Do you have a question relating to what women want?


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This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.

You may republish this article only AS A COMPLETE WHOLE with ENTIRE LINKS and copyright messages attached. All rights reserved. To read more articles like this, subscribe to the A-Blog.

What Men Want

What Do Men Want From Women?

This is a popular article at AspireNow that provokes a lot of questions. Women have been trying to answer this question for ages, and shelves of self-help books try to resolve the differences between men and women by considering we're from different planets.


A recent poll said that the average person is willing to spend 6 months' salary to find their true love.

Many women ask the question "What do men want?" to their women friends and sometimes they'll ask their guy friends. If women would approach men with a few simple, effective guidelines, they'll be much more likely to get exactly what they want from men: a fulfilling, healthy, happy relationship.

Here are the guidelines to understand what men want:


1. Men want a fun and exciting (female) companion.
2. Men want great sex (consistent, frequent, and passionate lovemaking score high with men).
3. Men want to share meals with their woman companion (especially when she cooks for him).
4. Men want you to support them in their work and boost their confidence.
5. Men want you to look great, keep in shape, and express confidence about your body.
6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect.
7. Men need private time, to unwind, to engage in sports and hobbies, and to spend time with other men.

For the detail on these tips, as well as further information about what men want, visit the top-rated article at AspireNow:

http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_10_00_what_men_want.htm

An update: Even though I wrote this article 7 years ago, I'm finding that in my discussions with men, it's still pretty simple. Men want love as much as women, we just go about it a bit differently. You'll notice that guys will talk side by side, where a woman wants the man directly in front of her. There are subtle differences like this that make a man different than a woman.

As much as society is more supportive of women, men struggle with the modern woman. The reason for this is that the man still feels a need to provide. He still wants to hunt and kill, but in modern civilization this is simply not what's going on. We're in the information age: an age that women can thrive in. So, women need to recognize this and boost the man for what he can bring, and still ask him to do things, physically, for her -- even if she IS capable of doing it herself. A smart woman let's him do this for her, to some extent. A smart woman keeps herself in shape.

This is important to both sexes, but even more for a man. A smart woman will make trade-offs and compromise on activities to sometimes do what he wants, other times what she wants.
It's cool to go shopping if I know we might watch a football game together afterwards. It's fun to go dancing if I know you'll also come to my gig. See, those are examples from my own life.

A smart woman will make meals together a priority. Time together, in general, is critical to any relationship, but, especially meal time. I believe that the family that prays together stays together. The easiest time to pray together is before a meal, during grace. So, I make that a habit. It's just a heatlhy way to connect spiritually. A smart woman will keep the sex alive by trying new and fun things, suggesting things to him, and teasing him from time to time. Why is Playboy and Penthouse still the top two men's magazines, while Ladies Home Journal and Better Homes and Garden the top two women's magazines? Clearly, men are turned on by sex, women by homes. So, create a nice home for him, cook a nice meal, but then turn it on in the bedroom. Sometimes, I think it's fun to cook for her, especially if I know she's going to be cooking later. :)

Do you want to know more about what men want? Learn more at AspireNow.com - see Smooth Sailing for our relationship articles.

More related articles here at the A-blog:

Looking for fun things to do on a date? 31 Fun Dating Ideas
Find The Man Of Your Dreams
Why 'The Terminator' Is Deadly In Relationships

This article is copyright 2007 by AspireNow. All rights reserved.

Visit the A-blog at http://aspirenow.blogspot.com/ for more articles like this.
_______________________________________________________

This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2002/2007. All rights reserved.

You may republish this article only AS A COMPLETE WHOLE with ENTIRE LINKS and copyright messages attached. All rights reserved. To get more valuable dating tips and other advice on abundance, subscribe to the A-Blog.