Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ending Destructive Cycles and Patterns

Have you figured out that you're recreating patterns in your life? Whether a relationship that ends or has components we've seen before, or a job pattern history that seems to keep repeating, or friendships doing the same things, struggles to get in shape, or other struggles, these patterns often seem to dig into our persona and not only chase but haunt us, in spite of our best efforts to do our best in breaking free.

Can you identify that you'd like to end the destructive cycles stopping you from getting what you want?

1. Identifying a cycle is a start!

Well, the first step is identifying the fact that you're IN a cycle! If you're reading this and saying, "Yep, I'm in a cycle going back years - or even to my childhood" well, then this is a chance to learn and grow.

What can you do to begin ending destructive cycles?

2. Break it down. Beyond identification, the next step is to break down the elements of how we are failing.

Is it an expectation?
Does the concern include doing the same kinds of things in behavior to resolve issues that subsequently don't go away?

See, if that's what's happening, we may be focused on what we want to manifest, but failing to put the right things first: correct thought, correct feelings and judgements, and actions that will produce the fruit we seek.

3. Think different. The first step to change a pattern is to think different. We must change our thinking if we are to break free from destructive cycles. If we think the same way we've thought in the past, we're likely to repeat. So, change thinking. How can we change thinking? Through affirmations, and spotting opposite thoughts to what we've thought before.

4. Feel different. Next, we have to build correct feelings. Yes, this means we must FEEL different, too. I once dated someone who seemed fond of saying "I have a right to how I feel. You're telling me my feelings aren't okay." Well, the truth of the matter was that her feelings were not based upon real events and they were distorting her ability to judge correctly. It created situations with unrealistic expectations and weird behavior. It started with funky thought patterns and then manifested uglier when feelings of negativity were attached to thoughts.

See, we must be very careful about how and what we judge in processing feelings. The very act of calling a thought a positive thought is a judgment about the thought. So, be alert to the words you use to describe your thoughts, and then the subsequent feelings you attach to those thoughts. It is the "feeling" stage that will either ensure we break free of a pattern or keep us in it. It is up to us to feel differently. Can we change our feelings? Yes, we can! Set out to feel good, happy, and start with that BEFORE you get the result of the circumstance.

5. Act different. Last, our actions must match our thoughts and feelings. So, we must ACT different, as well. If we can align our thoughts, feelings, and actions with what we most want to manifest, then our success will naturally come in a result we initially hope to realize. Actions speak loud. We need to make sure our actions and feelings match. Put it all out there, don't be shy, and live large in each action. Be strong, humble, and act from integrity with your deepest desires.

If you desire deep communication in your relationship, then communicate deeply. Don't repress your thoughts and don't dominate your partner. If you desire to feel happier about how you eat and reach your ideal weight, then be happy about what you eat and eat in a healthy way (match the feeling with the action). If you desire to feel excited about your job and manifest financial abundance through your work, then act from excitement in a way most desirable of people who win in that career and learn from all results. You'll see the success follow.

Seek balance in actions that match your thoughts and feelings, and you will be happier and fulfilled.

You will notice that through each of these suggestions to break free from cycles, the word "different" keeps popping up in my advice. Why? Because, if we keep thinking, feeling, and acting in ways we've done before, how can we possibly expect anything different? We must think, feel, and act different to break free and define the life we truly want to live.

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Susan Kledzik said...

You always seem to know what it is that I need to hear. Perhaps that is what attracted me to your blog:)

I have to agree 100% that you have to first identify the problem before you can cease to find a solution. I had been battling with an issue for years until I picked up a book that basically said, "Hello! This is the problem."

Once I discovered it, which should have been quite obvious from an outside perspective, I was able to begin the process of creating the solution.

Your advice is sound and I have to say that I especially love what you said, "live large in each action".

It's a hard lesson to learn, but if we don't take action, how are things ever going to change?

Thank you for the wonderful post!

Your friend,

Seriously Fun Self-help! said...

Well, Susan, it is one thing to say "I'm going to act different" but if we don't first think different and feel different I'm not sure we'll be successful.

On the other hand, I'm really focusing on what I think and feel and trying to process those differently. If I respect myself and live from my integrity, the rest of life will naturally fall in line, and it will be easier to act in different, new, refreshing ways.

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