Wednesday, July 2, 2008

In Love But Not Together?

Are you separated from the love with your partner? Perhaps you know that you may still be the one, long-term, for each other, but you are not together at this time. Such separation can be a painful process to endure for the person reaching out and frustrating or pressuring to the person who stepped back to take the action they need to take to be a "whole" partner in relationship.

Sometimes, even though we are meant to be together, long-term, there are things that will separate us, short-term, from our lover and best friend.

Maybe one person is working in one city for their career and the other person needs to be somewhere else, perhaps with the kids or doing something else for their career.

Maybe you had an argument or problem in the relationship and need time apart to heal or find a solution to the problem.

Maybe one person doesn't yet fully realize the potential of the two of you together.

One person may be on a quest to build their self-esteem and rediscover who they are before they can rejoin the other as a true team in equality.

Whatever the reason, it is hard to endure being in love but not being together. This is hard for the person who is reaching out their hand, as they yearn to be together, but must exercise restraint and understanding. It is hard for the person who stepped away, because they struggle to explain why they cannot be together and must focus on their need at this time, almost selfishly, in order to complete the whole of the union over the long-term.

I think when you're the person reaching out (or left behind), you need to ask yourself if you are truly committed to the love you feel for your partner, and truly committed to the choice of action required to be patient and see your partner through on their journey. If you are not committed, pull away, and let your heart heal. However, if you ARE committed, then continue to hold POSITIVE thoughts for the relationship. Continue to live as if you are committed and TOGETHER, even though you are not together. Do not engage in new love affairs or sexual trysts to try to heal the loneliness you feel. Just focus on living YOUR best life and building the best place in your heart, mind, and soul for your partner to come back to.

Consider sending something like this to your partner:

I'm in support of your highest good.
I'm here for you whenever you need me.
I honor you and your journey.

This way, when your partner has completed this leg of their journey and either found healing in their heart towards you, or they've discovered their self-esteem and realized their love for you again, or they've completed their work assignment and now can return to be with you; whatever the situation, you'll be ready for them.

If you are the partner who is being distant or has pulled away or left for your career, I will suggest to you that you be sensitive towards the partner who is expressing they still love you and still want to be with you. In your communication with them, you might not want to say anything "final" or "severing" in your words. Try to use words that indicate a temporary status and that this is about your journey. Ask them to support your highest good, and support their highest good, too.

Consider sending them something like this to explain:
I am taking time to (insert whatever issue you are sorting out). I still love you and this is likely just a step in my journey, and our journey together. I support your highest good and ask that you support my highest good, too.

Once you have worked through your issue, time apart, self-esteem, healing, or temporary career adjustment, come back to your partner. When you re-engage, let them know how much you love them and appreciate their support they gave you while you went away. Remember, many people will disconnect and give up just because you can't be together. The person who waits is someone who truly loves you, indeed. Be grateful for that love and never take it for granted!

Other things that may help you through this time include prayer, meditation, physical exercise, and doing healthy things to improve your life.

It isn't always easy to be in love, but not together, but you can do it if this relationship is truly what you want from love, dating, and friendship in your significant other.

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1 comment:

Carrie J said...

I just wanted to say that this article really helped me! I've been looking for someone or something to address and advise me on my current situation. This article is full of positive and uplifting advice (which is rare). Thank you for expressing hope to a situation that, sometimes, is quite frustrating. I've bookmarked this site and plan on returning it it whenever I need a bit of encouragement.

Thanks again!

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