There's a Dance Coming Soon!
I recently had a young woman ask me how to get a guy to ask her to an upcoming school dance. I'm pretty sure many young women struggle with this problem.
Now, while I'm now way past my teenage years, I can still remember back to the women who attracted me in Middle School through High School. I didn't go to a lot of dances, because I was a little shy (yeah, things changed in college). Often, I wanted to ask them out, but I was just too shy back then. Knowing what I know now, I can tell you what will work with the guy who "needs a nudge" in the right direction.
The Subtle Approach
My Dad told my sister that if you want a guy to know you like him, to just be in front of him, be around him, ask him questions, be interested in him. I think that was advice from 50 years ago. It *might* work. But, then again, it might not. And, certainly, it might be too late by the time he asked you out.
This happened to me with a girl in my Junior year of High School, Stephanie. Stephanie was a tall brunette who I thought was so pretty I wasn't sure she would go out with me. I remember she used to tease me for my sax playing and ask me to play "The Pink Panther" on my sax for her. I should have realized then that a song request was a sign of interest, but, like I said, I was a late-bloomer and perhaps dense when it came to dating.
One day, I ran into Stephanie and her friend in the yogurt shop. She was with her friend reading a funny book and they were laughing and telling jokes to each other. I took my chance and asked her out. She looks at me and said, "Oh my god! NOW you ask." It turned out she totally was into me and was dying for me to ask her out. However, she just found out that she was moving away in one week and I was too late to get anything started. Oh well. So, the old-fashioned approach may eventually work, but it might take longer than you want in order to go to the upcoming dance together.
The Direct Approach
The first serious tip I offer is to simply go up to the guy and let him know that you would consider saying "yes" if he asked you to the dance. You're not saying he is asking you, nor are you asking him. You're just letting him know, directly, that you think he's cute, smart, fun, or whatever, and would enjoy the evening if he asked you out. I don't think there's anything wrong with the bold approach. If he says, "I don't want to go with you." Or "I'm already taking somebody else." You can always smile, say "Oh, lucky girl. Well, maybe next time?" That way if it falls through, or for the next dance, you'll have it lined up in advance, perhaps. If he says one of these things, be a good sport about it, trust me - it's the right thing to do.
He just might say, "I was trying to get up the courage to ask YOU. Wanna go with me?" Bingo - you got your date. Answer, "SURE! I thought you'd never ask!" This will boost his confidence and make him feel like he asked you. That's always a good thing, to boost a man's confidence. Especially at a young age. Make sure to get details, phone numbers, and what he intends to wear, etc. so you can dress appropriately., too.
This is the most direct and probably most confident way to handle getting a guy to ask you out. Also, if he puts you down, you can always say, "oh, I wasn't ASKING you, I was just testing the water... see ya' later!" and then leave with your dignity intact.
Hand Him a Note
A note is an indirect way of being direct. It didn't always work for me, but I saw it work for my friend once. It doesn't have to say much. Just write this on a piece of paper:
Name: His name, your name
Event: The Upcoming Dance
Time: 8:00 P.M.
"If you were to ask me... I just might say YES."
If that seems to formal, then draw two badly drawn stick figures and label one "YOU" and the other "ME" and then show a picture of a dance hall. Write the date and time and your phone number. If he doesn't get the hint, he's pretty stupid.
You could also say your friends want to double-date with his friends, and write it this way "my friends want to know if you and your friends want to double/triple date to the dance -- shh... they don't know I'm testing the waters with you."
The next time you see him, slip him the note and include your phone number. That way, he has to call you and ask you out. When he calls and asks you out, answer, "Why, Yes! Thank you for asking!" Give him the lead back as it will give him more confidence.
Your Best Friend Approach
Now, if the idea of marching up to a guy and saying "I think we'd have fun at the dance, what do you think?" or even the idea of handing a guy a note is just too forward for you, I have another tip. However, the person who executes this tip must be someone whom you can trust. And I mean trust, completely. That type of trust is a little rare between younger girlfriends, some times, so take the risk only if you feel it is worth it.
I once had a girl's best friend walk straight up to me, ask me what time it was (I later realized she was wearing a watch! The watch question was a prop device). Then once she was talking to me and my friends (there were three of us, we were all single, and three of them, THEY were all single - PERFECT!). This was a real story that happened at Disneyland. I remember that the girl in the red satin jacket walked by me and smiled at me. I smiled at her and I thought she winked back at me! My friend thought she winked at him, but I knew better. I couldn't believe our lucky stars.
Then, later, when all three of them walked past my friends again on the way out, I said, "I liiiikkee that REeeeeddd jacket." Slow, confident, sure, and loud enough for her to hear. She turned and smiled back to me, again! Then she whispered something to her friend. She was so cute!
Well, we were all standing around outside, and all of us guys were too silly, shy and just kicking/staring at our shoes. The girls were about fifteen feet away, looking at us, smiling, and talking to decide if they should make the first move. They did. So, up walks the Miss Red Jacket's friend, who was a blonde, and she asks ME what time it is. I looked at my watch and relayed the digits. She then started to ask my friend Rob some questions, and he started chatting with her. I think her name was Christie. Ah - she wanted him, not me! Then, her friends, including the cute girl in the red jacket, walked up to us, and it was clear then that Debbie (her real name) was interested in me, because we hooked right up. It was magic.
I asked the girls if they'd like to ride on the rides with us, as three plus three is way more fun. They said yes, and the rest of the night was history - a great time had by all. I traded letters with Debbie McFarland after that but we just lived too far apart to keep a high school connection alive. It was my favorite Disney trip, ever. Your request made me think of it. (Hey, Debbie, if you ever read this, drop me a note and say "Hello!")
Anyway, my tip is this: ask your friend to go up to his friend and break the ice. Let her know she's doing you a favor, but if she likes his friend, maybe she'll get a date out of it, too, and you could go together to the dance as a double-date! The more the merrier when it comes to dating when you're under 18 (it's safer and smarter, plus more fun in a group because it isn't as serious).
Once she's asked her intro question, using a prop or whatever, then you come up and smile. That's when your friend gets to embarrass you and say, "you know, (insert your name here) really wants to go to the dance with you, Here's your big chance to ask her!"
Your reply: Don't say anything! Don't say "shut up" to your friend. Just look in his eyes and smile. If he's into you, he'll ask, either right then, or within the next day or two. If he says, "no kidding?" You can then use the same comment as in tip #1: "Well, if you were to ask me, I might say yes. We would have fun together, don't you think?" There, you're still letting him ask you.
Of course, you must do this while you are ALL present, because I've heard of more than one story where the girl's friend made off with the guy her friend was interested in. So, only if you trust her completely, okay?
The Guy's Best Friend Approach
An alternative to this strategy is for YOU to ask HIS friend to let him (the guy you want to ask) know that you are interested if he has a date yet to the dance. Guys talk, and unless the guy is a scum, he'll pass along the word for you. The risk is that he won't, and HE'LL ask you, instead of having his friend ask you.
If these tips don't work, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be! Sometimes guys are into other people, and we really can't *make* people do anything they don't want to. And, if he doesn't want to go out with you, why would you want to waste your energy on him, anyway?
I wish you luck with your date(s). Hope you have a fun, safe, and smart evening together.
This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.
Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. No infringement is intended.
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Saturday, November 10, 2007
There's a Dance Coming Soon!