Tuesday, November 6, 2007

How Is Your Love Life?

How is your love life, lately? Are you happy with your mate? Are you single? Married? Divorced? Widowed?

You know, I get a lot of feedback from people with questions about their love life. Usually, it's a question of getting beyond the pain from past relationships, or a question about whether the person you are with is the one, or a question about how to attract and keep the man of your dreams or woman of your dreams.

I've put together some tips to creating a better love life, that can help almost any person, in any situation, at any time.


1. To maximize your love life, make sure to smile and kiss as both hello and goodbye gestures. Make the kiss more than a few seconds, and see if you don't get the reminder that "vavavoom! Yes, this is still on!" before you go off to work, or when you return to each other at the end of a day.

2. Continue to develop mutual and solo interests. Interests are good for your love life. It is good to have sports and hobbies. Try to make sure you have some overlap or start a new interest together. This past year, I took up salsa dancing. It was fun and also a great way to bond. I still play my sax in a band, and that is my way of creating as an artist, not to mention a release of fun and dynamic energy. It is good to develop an art, a sport, or other interest, so keep your life interesting and you'll remain interesting to each other as a couple.

3. Have a healthy sex life. A key to longevity in life, and happiness in relationships, is healthy sex. A healthy sex life enables many people to enjoy more of their love life. Be careful not to limit your ability to love through your physical activities. I talked with a woman who said her man lost interest in sex - especially if they got sweaty. Weird, huh? I asked her a few more questions, and she said the guy rode a bike 20 miles a day. Ah. Maybe that was the problem. Sometimes, we receive chemicals through physical activities like riding a bike, that we'd otherwise receive from sexual activity. If you're replaced your sex life with things like chocolate, bicycle-riding, running, horseback riding, or other things like that, consider what you're missing. I suggest channeling more of that energy into sex, at least several times a week, if possible.

4. Be healthy in your choices. Health in mind, speech, diet, and activity all impact your relationship. If you are in a career you hate, this will impact your relationship. Why? Because the stress of the job will impact your ability to feel most loved and appreciated. If you cuss a lot or put others down a lot, this might affect your relationship. So, watch for patterns in your life. If you dare others to be their best, try being your own best self, too. This will improve your relationship with each other.

5. Maintain to make it clean, safe, and fun. Just like it is healthy to do a little Spring cleaning around the house, it is also healthy to do a little relationship Spring cleaning, too. If you find yourself falling into a bad habit, like watching television every night, then maybe it is time to turn off the TV! Play a game, go for a walk, sit around a campfire and tell stories. I've known more than one woman who lost interest in her husband after he gained a big gut and quit bathing regularly (I know, ew). If your mate makes you say "ew" you're losing the attraction. That goes for women, too. Have you ever seen a woman put on 50 pounds after getting married, then she wonders why the marriage starts to slip? One of my good friends in the late 1990's used to take his wife to Bed & Breakfast hotels and go wine-tasting on weekends. They enjoyed their new marriage. After two years, he stopped doing that with her. She put on weight. He got bogged down in work. I predicted divorce. Sure enough, two years ago, they went through a divorce. If you're finding a habit of laziness in picking up your clothes, go around and pick them all up and start being more clean with yourself. Do a little house-cleaning. Spruce up, fix yourself up, stay in shape, eat healthier. Act like you care about yourself and your surroundings. It's not just a respect issue: it's also a love issue. As you love yourself, this will impact your relationship, too, as then you can love your significant other.


1. If you're single, focus on what you want the most. Don't be so picky that you rule out men or women who might be worth dating. Be polite, courteous, be a little mysterious and "naughty" but also have a good backbone to what you're doing.

Men: compliment the woman you like the most LAST. Give the other women props (compliments) first. This will make the one you want ask why you haven't given her the positive comments, and she'll be more eager for your advance.

I'm NOT going to recommend you do what the guy in THIS video does:

I found it entertaining, and thought you might, too.

Women: play a little hard to get. Let the man call you a few times for each time you call him. Have a life, but if you really like the guy, let him know you really like him by being available and interested in him when he does call.

A woman once met me for dinner on my birthday. She had invited me, she had money, but let me pay anyway. What does that say about her? I had to break it off with her. Know what your standards are and how you want to be treated. Live by them, even if it seems hard at the time. Today, I have no regrets that I am not dating that woman. Focus on what you want: if you focus on attracting someone loving, who treats you great, who supports you, and is sexy, fun, and smart, you just might attract that. I believe in the power of attraction.

2. Don't use partners for sex. Be honestly open and attracted to what you want. When you want sex, be honest about it. Don't be blatant or rude, let things take their course naturally, but sex isn't dirty and it can be highly enjoyable when everyone is mutually attracted and into each other. Be real with each other and treat each other with respect as you would your own son, daughter, or best friend.

3. Be wary of "patterns" in who you're attracted to. If you're single, be aware that some of your typical patterns may, in fact, be ways that you're trying to work out relationship issues with your mother, father, or other sibling. You want your love life to be about your ADULT love life, so it might be helpful to stay clear of typical patterns from your past.

4. Be your own best self, then focus on attracting more of what you love. If you love people who make you laugh, seek out others who have a fun sense of humor. If you are someone who liked to imagine doing great things and travelling the world, would it make sense for you to be with a pessimist who hates to travel? Be logical, and loving, in who you choose to spend your time with and you'll likely get more of what you want.

5. Give yourself ways to keep physically energized. Sports, walks on the beach, a massage, kissing, dancing, and more all can keep you engaged and energized for those time periods when you don't have sex with anyone. Keep yourself up and keep yourself in-shape, and keep doing what you love, with an eye for meeting others who might love you, and you'll develop a healthy and happy single life.

I've been in most aspects of relationships (single/dating/married). Single can be fun for the freedom of it, although it can get lonely if you find it difficult connecting with people. Dating and marriage can be nice for the comfort of the relationship, the steadiness of having someone there to share your day with, and steady sexual relations that can deepen into a spiritual experience. Between the two, I prefer being in a relationship to being single, but that doesn't mean I recommend you "settle" on a partner just to be in a relationship.

The most important aspect of building a love life that you really, really want, is to keep things fresh, interesting, new, use surprise, be a little different sometimes, and have fun with your life and with your loved one. Do it with yourself, and do it with others. Make sure to love yourself, and then give love to your significant other.

We can have the love we seek if we become the love we want to attract. Love is the answer, and remember, you gotta give some to get some.


Post by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright © 1999-2007 by AspireNow.

You may reprint this article if you copy in full with copyright and all links attached.

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