Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Showdown: with Doubt, Fear, and Anxiety

Today, I come to a showdown with a few old foes who try to block my path.

At first, I reel in my saddle... unsure if I can move one inch forward. I know this feeling and can say it stopped me many times before. I gird myself with my strength, step down from my horse, and place my hand by my side, next to my firearm colt revolver ready to blast away at my foes with their sick laughter.

Yes, they stand laughing at me with ridiculous gestures.

I stand undettered by these faceless ghouls.

They once acted as if they were friends; well, they are friends no more: they betrayed my trust and led me astray. I ponder for just one moment, much like Rodin said about his "Thinker" back in 1904 "I thought not only with my brain, with my knitted brow, my distended nostrils and compressed lips, but with every muscle of my arms, back, and legs, and with clenched fist and gripping toes" I meet my enemy and stare them down.

Like Clint Eastwood in a Spaghetti Western, I stare unblinking with my blue-green eyes glinting in the sunlight and make out the shadowy form of my opponents: doubt, fear, and anxiety.

Like Tom Waits sings in "Down in the Hole", I will stomp them into the earth and flush them out and push these devils deep down in a hole. These three bastards stopped me from finding the gold in life for the last time.

But today, I gun them down and singlehandedly destroy them: twisting and moaning, grasping body parts as the blood oozes forth from their heart, and runs from their appendages and the center of their forehead. My spurs make special music as I walk, in swaggering confidence, and assure myself of the death of these idiots.... they will not sway me as fear and failure has no place in the spirit or path of THIS man.

For these things mean nothing when FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE, which armed from the spirit of life that runs within me, are the bullets in my holster. I have no want. My blessings pour forth and the blocks shatter like weak glass before me. God is smiling upon me. This is my moment.

Like Neo in the first Matrix, time slows, I can actually see the bullets as they chase me, and I can grab them, stare at them for the worthless pieces of flak they are, and toss them down to claim my triumphant victory.

For today is the moment I came to this Earth to prepare for - to live in this NOW - to be THIS man.

There is only one time that matters: NOW.

And, in this NOW, I claim what is rightfully mine. My spirit deems it so. I am ready. I am no longer afraid of my own greatness, of my own abilities, or of the incredible calling before me. I push through the doors, which open before me and swing behind my back, and fulfill my destiny.

I know that none of this happens without LOVE. None of this happens without aligning myself with God within me. None of this happens without the KNOWING; the absolute quickening of time where I realize that my spirit self and my physical worldy self are ONE and the SAME.

Time stops.

Your presence... your love... your understanding... your support... are all here with me. I invite you to come along... to be my friend... but most of all to love me as I love you.

There is only love that matters. In the end, what we give determines what we get.

So I will give, and give, and give some more. I give without expectation or attachment. I give for the simple pleasure of giving. I give and draw upon the eternal spring within me and pour forth from this decanter the beautiful words, music, and spiraling flow of ideas into the world and very presence as it requests of me.

Now is the time.

It is before us. I see it all now, like a cinema in my mind.

The journey begins now...


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