Thursday, December 6, 2007

How To Get More Love

By Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow

How Can I Get More Love?

Where can I find my soul mate? How can I find true love? Is my knight in shining armor for real? How can I meet the woman of my dreams? Are these questions you've asked recently? Singles frequently talk about finding "true love" -- especially when they are in an unsatisfying relationship.

A recent study showed that most people would be willing to give up over 6 months salary to find their "true love". In some cases, this could be quite a bit of money

How many people know where to meet someone, though? In many bookstores you can find dozens of books about finding love or dating for success. John Gray has made boatloads of money with his "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books. Why? Because we all want to find a partner with whom we can experience deep, lasting love. Fact is, just about everyone wants to know where to go to find our true love and have better relationships. The elephant in the room seems to be the question: How do we meet this mystical person? Recently,

I came across some interesting statistics that shed light on this situation. According to University of Chicago researcher Dr. Edward Lauman, here is how we meet our significant other:

23% meet at school
15% meet at work
10% meet at a private party
8% meet at a bar
8% meet at a church or synagogue
4% meet at the gym
<1% meet through personal ads

These stats may have changed slightly with the recent popularity of AOL, chat rooms and Internet dating. I know of several people who've met on-line. However, the interesting stat, to me, is that almost 30% of the remaining people met OTHER ways! In other words, they met doing something they LOVE. Whether that's swing dancing, listening to music at a concert, volunteering for a charity or meeting at the grocery store - people meet many ways. Upon seeing this I decided that if you were to replace the environment you have at school, you will have the highest likelihood of meeting someone you like. So, perhaps taking a class or lessons or studying a new subject where other people around your age and socio-economic background are likely to hang out and the odds will be higher.

So how do we meet someone? I look at it as catching a wild animal (call it a cat, if that helps).

There are at least two ways you could go about catching a wild cat. One method is to chase after the cat and try to catch it by pouncing on it -- likely to scare the cat away and make it a little more jittery the next time it sees you. This method is unlikely to create success and more likely to leave you feeling frustrated and alone.

The other method is to go where the wild cats are, offer the cat some fish or catnip and wait quietly, enjoying where you are without worrying about whether or not you catch the cat. It may seem like it is taking longer - but this is deceiving, as you are relaxing and enjoying where you are. After a while, when you are relaxed, quiet, and comfortable, the cat may start to check you out. As the cat learns you are safe and have treats for them, they'll be eating out of your hand. Once the word travels, you may even have your choice of several "cats".

Another method is to confidently approach the cat you want and offer it the milk you offer. A friend of mine claims that if you do not seize the world you're just a lamb and waiting for your slaughter. It works for him, as in general a man is still expected to be the person who approaches a woman (with confidence).

The most masterful trait, though, to finding love anywhere, is to simply send love out, without expectation, wherever we go. Sending out unconditional love, as a regular practice, is sure to come back to us tenfold. The trick to making money is often spending some. When you buy a new suit you can land that job sometimes just by looking the part. Well, with love it is the same way. When we are able to be confident and loving, the love we seek may come to us.

Do you have a question relating to finding the love you seek? Check out the AspireNow Advisor - solutions for only $29.95!

What are ways to create more love, or find more love, by sending more love out?

1. Take a friend to lunch or coffee. During the conversation, tell them three things you really like about them (with sincerity).

2. Buy a little gift for a friend, something that you think might uniquely appeal to them, based upon who you know them as. (No gag gifts - they might backfire!) It doesn't have to cost a lot to mean a lot.

3. Call a friend up on the telephone and let them know you really don't have a reason for calling except to say "hi" and you were thinking about them. Is there anything they need that you can help them with? Or, is there a way you can reconnect?

4. Drop by a friends house with a gift, or show up with some food, and offer to share it with them. Let me know one or two things you appreciate about their friendship.

5. Host a potluck party. You can make it interesting and make it a common interest party. For example, my brother goes to a monthly "writer's" party. The group is mostly English Teachers, who wanted to maintain their own craft. Everyone brings their own beverages and food, and the host prepares a main dish. Each person writes something before dinner. They take about 30 - 45 minutes to write their poem or story. After dinner, they sit around and share what they wrote. I cannot express how much more you get to know people from doing a shared interest party versus just showing up to a regular type of party.

6. Offer to do small favors for people. This could be as simple as holding someone's books or handing them the hard to reach item in a grocery store. Random acts of kindness build opportunities for new friendship. Don't expect return favors, just do it.

7. Compliment people who stand out to you. Be sincere, concise, and smile, when you compliment. The more you practice complimenting others the more you will see how people light up at your kindness.

8. Smile when you have no reason to smile. People like happy people. More than one person in my past attracted me because they smiled and laughed a lot. Happiness is contagious!

9. Find an event you want to attend, and invite someone you are interested in to go with you. This could be a play, a movie, a concert, or even a book reading. You choose.

10. Find an event you are interested in, and invite nobody, but go with the expectation to meet at least three new people in a sincere way. Make the meeting about them: ask them questions, show genuine interest in who they are, what they do, how they have fun.

Remember, most people love to share about their vocation, travel, what makes them passionate, how they have fun, their hobbies, and children. These are all pretty safe topics for most folks, and will build good will and better rapport than talking about politics, religion, sex, or other topics that are considered highly sensitive.

Please note: This article is intended for entertainment purpose only. The author of this article may not be certified as a licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your situation dictates.

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Related books on attracting love:
POWER FLIRTING by GINIE SAYLES - Amazon Price: $49.00 List Price: $49.00
Attracting Genuine Love - Amazon Price: $6.50 List Price: $19.95
The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You Amazon Price: $2.98 List Price: $14.00
His Rules: God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right Amazon Price: $2.85 List Price: $16.99

This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. To read more articles like this, subscribe to the A-Blog.

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