Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dating 101 (for MEN): Give Them Something To Talk About

Dear Men:

Are you curious to know what women want? I wrote an article, posted at, on this various subject.

Well, it starts with what you look like. But, then beyond that, you have to spark something in her imagination. And that starts with what conversations you talk about first.

According to Plenty of Fish (, the following are the top 10 conversation starters women WANT to talk about:

POF Women’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics:

1. Hopes and aspirations
2. Hobbies/interests in general
3. Music
4. Dreams
5. Romance
6. Friends
7. Travel
8. Vacations
9. Movies
10. Entertainment

So, consider asking a woman about these things when talking to her on the phone, on your first date, or otherwise. I've noticed it is usually wise to use a PROP as an ice-breaker. For example, if you see someone reading a book about travel, and you want to talk with her or think she's cute, rather than say, "Hey, you're cute, wanna date?" try "Have you been to Jamaica?" (assuming the picture is about Jamaica). Or, if you're at a restaurant, and she's eating, ask her "How's the food here?" What do you recommend ordering?" Or something like that. It opens the door to talk about favorite recipes and the ROMANCE of food.

Asking someone about their dreams is just positive karma. You're establishing what they want, and learning about how compatible you are on a spiritual level. Pay attention to dreams and aspirations -- it's where you might end up with her. This topic is of especially more importance than all the rest, if you ask me. Movies establish what KINDS of THINGS or ATTRIBUTES she likes in her men (rugged, make her feel safe, etc.).

Another point important to make is that if you're going to give her something to talk about (with her friends), you've got to inspire her with something you do from her FAVORITES. For example: what is YOUR HOBBY? One of my hobbies is playing the sax. Yes, I play in bands. Yes, women have come up to me while I'm playing and given me their phone number WHILE I'm playing or during breaks. It turns the tables. Now, I'm the star. I'm the one she's hearing play and turn the room upside on it's ear. Get a hobby that interests you, and make sure she knows about it.

What are your hopes and aspirations? She DOES want to know them. Ask her about hers, then share yours. This is a great way to get to know someone better. Even those people who we think we know, it is good to revisit their hopes and aspirations every six months or a year, at least. Do you know why? Well, because THEY CHANGE sometimes! So, keep informed and in the know.

Vacations are a huge turn-on for MOST people. It's amazing. When I sold timeshares, I found that many people find vacations to be more adventurous, a time for more romance and love, and often vacations are where we would describe our PEAK MOMENTS over 50% of the time! That's powerful. So, talk about vacations she's been on. Talk about places she wants to go. Let her imagine going there WITH YOU.

Now, on the flip-side, it's important to know what topics to AVOID.

Here are the POF Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics:

1. Politics
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
5. Religion
6. Celebrities
7. Science
8. Antiques
9. Money
10. History

So, guys who brag about your money or your car, guess what? Unless she's totally shallow (which contrary to some egotists thinking is rarely the case) she won't care THAT much and in fact you might be TURNING HER OFF. Isn't the idea to TURN HER ON?!

Politics? (yawn) Past relationships? You'd be surprised the number of times I've overheard or directly heard a woman say "Oh yeah, this last guy I met, all he did was talk about the bad dates he'd had before he met me." Ew. I'd be turned off, too. Don't relate with negative topics. It amazes me. Guys, when are you going to get it, the woman you date wants to know SHE IS THE ONLY WOMAN THAT MATTERS TO YOU. I know, it sounds selfish. And, yeah, maybe it is. But, while you're with her, at least remember this and give her the appearance that she's the only woman who matters to you. If it is true, even better, because then you're got the beginning of monogamous love happening!

Don't tell a woman she looks like Jennifer Lopez. I once heard a guy tell a woman "you have the cutest little J Lo butt" and guess what? He didn't get her number. I wonder why?! First of all, he compared her to a celebrity who has personal trainers, make-up artists, fame, and glamour. Second, he complimented her in the process. Women like compliments, but the guys who succeed more often are the one's who deliver more of a positive-negative.

OH - and this guy blew it because women don't like it when you talk about their body parts. I know, guys like to say things like "Look at the rack on her," or "Wow, what talent. Did you see her backside?" or other things like that to their GUY friends, but just don't forget that women, in general, don't appreciate that guys talk about them like that. They'd rather know you care about their personality, their brains, and all the other wonderful qualities they offer you.

It's like a woman who talks about a man's car, his job, his wallet, guys get turned off for similar reasons.

Science, antiques, history? Well, these stations are 70/30 or even 80/20 GUY oriented. If you want to talk about what shows are on SPIKE, talk about them with your buds. Talk about what women want to talk about with your woman: romance, friends, aspirations, hobbies. Be passionate about how you talk about these things.

Try these conversation tips and see if you don't have better interactions with the woman in your life. It can't hurt, can it? It's about using the Law of Attraction. Talk about what you want to attract. If it is a woman, talk about HER FAVORITE topics, not yours. It's all about bringing more love between the sexes, and any time we can hit our favorite buttons we're likely to spark a positive reaction. If you spark a positive reaction, trust me, you'll be the one she's talking about with her friends, too.

This post on improving dating relationships is written by Scott Andrews, Syndicated Author, Life Coach and Founder of AspireNow ( Scott's e-workbook and audio program "Dream Large: The Keys To Discovering Your Purpose" help people live their Life Purpose. Scott also writes and speaks about lifestyles with Elegant Simplicity, also at AspireNow. In addition, Scott writes and offers keynote speaking on sales success, empowerment for enterprise organizations (see for more details).

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