How To Get A Guy To Ask You To A Dance

There's a Dance Coming Soon!

I recently had a young woman ask me how to get a guy to ask her to an upcoming school dance. I'm pretty sure many young women struggle with this problem.


Now, while I'm now way past my teenage years, I can still remember back to the women who attracted me in Middle School through High School. I didn't go to a lot of dances, because I was a little shy (yeah, things changed in college). Often, I wanted to ask them out, but I was just too shy back then. Knowing what I know now, I can tell you what will work with the guy who "needs a nudge" in the right direction.

The Subtle Approach

My Dad told my sister that if you want a guy to know you like him, to just be in front of him, be around him, ask him questions, be interested in him. I think that was advice from 50 years ago. It *might* work. But, then again, it might not. And, certainly, it might be too late by the time he asked you out.

This happened to me with a girl in my Junior year of High School, Stephanie. Stephanie was a tall brunette who I thought was so pretty I wasn't sure she would go out with me. I remember she used to tease me for my sax playing and ask me to play "The Pink Panther" on my sax for her. I should have realized then that a song request was a sign of interest, but, like I said, I was a late-bloomer and perhaps dense when it came to dating.


One day, I ran into Stephanie and her friend in the yogurt shop. She was with her friend reading a funny book and they were laughing and telling jokes to each other. I took my chance and asked her out. She looks at me and said, "Oh my god! NOW you ask." It turned out she totally was into me and was dying for me to ask her out. However, she just found out that she was moving away in one week and I was too late to get anything started. Oh well. So, the old-fashioned approach may eventually work, but it might take longer than you want in order to go to the upcoming dance together.

The Direct Approach

The first serious tip I offer is to simply go up to the guy and let him know that you would consider saying "yes" if he asked you to the dance. You're not saying he is asking you, nor are you asking him. You're just letting him know, directly, that you think he's cute, smart, fun, or whatever, and would enjoy the evening if he asked you out. I don't think there's anything wrong with the bold approach. If he says, "I don't want to go with you." Or "I'm already taking somebody else." You can always smile, say "Oh, lucky girl. Well, maybe next time?" That way if it falls through, or for the next dance, you'll have it lined up in advance, perhaps. If he says one of these things, be a good sport about it, trust me - it's the right thing to do.


He just might say, "I was trying to get up the courage to ask YOU. Wanna go with me?" Bingo - you got your date. Answer, "SURE! I thought you'd never ask!" This will boost his confidence and make him feel like he asked you. That's always a good thing, to boost a man's confidence. Especially at a young age. Make sure to get details, phone numbers, and what he intends to wear, etc. so you can dress appropriately., too.

This is the most direct and probably most confident way to handle getting a guy to ask you out. Also, if he puts you down, you can always say, "oh, I wasn't ASKING you, I was just testing the water... see ya' later!" and then leave with your dignity intact.

Hand Him a Note

A note is an indirect way of being direct. It didn't always work for me, but I saw it work for my friend once. It doesn't have to say much. Just write this on a piece of paper:

Name: His name, your name
Event: The Upcoming Dance
Time: 8:00 P.M.

"If you were to ask me... I just might say YES."

If that seems to formal, then draw two badly drawn stick figures and label one "YOU" and the other "ME" and then show a picture of a dance hall. Write the date and time and your phone number. If he doesn't get the hint, he's pretty stupid.

You could also say your friends want to double-date with his friends, and write it this way "my friends want to know if you and your friends want to double/triple date to the dance -- shh... they don't know I'm testing the waters with you."

The next time you see him, slip him the note and include your phone number. That way, he has to call you and ask you out. When he calls and asks you out, answer, "Why, Yes! Thank you for asking!" Give him the lead back as it will give him more confidence.


Your Best Friend Approach

Now, if the idea of marching up to a guy and saying "I think we'd have fun at the dance, what do you think?" or even the idea of handing a guy a note is just too forward for you, I have another tip. However, the person who executes this tip must be someone whom you can trust. And I mean trust, completely. That type of trust is a little rare between younger girlfriends, some times, so take the risk only if you feel it is worth it.

I once had a girl's best friend walk straight up to me, ask me what time it was (I later realized she was wearing a watch! The watch question was a prop device). Then once she was talking to me and my friends (there were three of us, we were all single, and three of them, THEY were all single - PERFECT!). This was a real story that happened at Disneyland. I remember that the girl in the red satin jacket walked by me and smiled at me. I smiled at her and I thought she winked back at me! My friend thought she winked at him, but I knew better. I couldn't believe our lucky stars.

Then, later, when all three of them walked past my friends again on the way out, I said, "I liiiikkee that REeeeeddd jacket." Slow, confident, sure, and loud enough for her to hear. She turned and smiled back to me, again! Then she whispered something to her friend. She was so cute!

Well, we were all standing around outside, and all of us guys were too silly, shy and just kicking/staring at our shoes. The girls were about fifteen feet away, looking at us, smiling, and talking to decide if they should make the first move. They did. So, up walks the Miss Red Jacket's friend, who was a blonde, and she asks ME what time it is. I looked at my watch and relayed the digits. She then started to ask my friend Rob some questions, and he started chatting with her. I think her name was Christie. Ah - she wanted him, not me! Then, her friends, including the cute girl in the red jacket, walked up to us, and it was clear then that Debbie (her real name) was interested in me, because we hooked right up. It was magic.


I asked the girls if they'd like to ride on the rides with us, as three plus three is way more fun. They said yes, and the rest of the night was history - a great time had by all. I traded letters with Debbie McFarland after that but we just lived too far apart to keep a high school connection alive. It was my favorite Disney trip, ever. Your request made me think of it. (Hey, Debbie, if you ever read this, drop me a note and say "Hello!")


Anyway, my tip is this: ask your friend to go up to his friend and break the ice. Let her know she's doing you a favor, but if she likes his friend, maybe she'll get a date out of it, too, and you could go together to the dance as a double-date! The more the merrier when it comes to dating when you're under 18 (it's safer and smarter, plus more fun in a group because it isn't as serious).

Once she's asked her intro question, using a prop or whatever, then you come up and smile. That's when your friend gets to embarrass you and say, "you know, (insert your name here) really wants to go to the dance with you, Here's your big chance to ask her!"

Your reply: Don't say anything! Don't say "shut up" to your friend. Just look in his eyes and smile. If he's into you, he'll ask, either right then, or within the next day or two. If he says, "no kidding?" You can then use the same comment as in tip #1: "Well, if you were to ask me, I might say yes. We would have fun together, don't you think?" There, you're still letting him ask you.

Of course, you must do this while you are ALL present, because I've heard of more than one story where the girl's friend made off with the guy her friend was interested in. So, only if you trust her completely, okay?


The Guy's Best Friend Approach

An alternative to this strategy is for YOU to ask HIS friend to let him (the guy you want to ask) know that you are interested if he has a date yet to the dance. Guys talk, and unless the guy is a scum, he'll pass along the word for you. The risk is that he won't, and HE'LL ask you, instead of having his friend ask you.


If these tips don't work, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be! Sometimes guys are into other people, and we really can't *make* people do anything they don't want to. And, if he doesn't want to go out with you, why would you want to waste your energy on him, anyway?

I wish you luck with your date(s). Hope you have a fun, safe, and smart evening together.
______________________________________


This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.
Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. No infringement is intended.

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A Parody on Second Life - Get A Real Life

As you may know from my earlier article, "Second Life: What Ever Happened To Real Life" that I've been exploring possible uses for the game - both gaming experience and business experience - in the Second Life World.

This is how I felt after playing my second session of Second Life:

I think the game has a lot of promise. But, as an avid gamer, I'm a bit lost as to the value of spending hours away from my real life to see billboard after billboard of goth, clothing, widgets, cartoon buildings and trees, and other geeky graphic design stuff pawned off on me in the form of Linden dollars.

In my second session, a gamer within Second Life asked me, "how do we do it?" What? I did a second take. Then I realized! Ah. Yes, of course. Any new medium must have that involved at some point, right? I watched a show on HBO last night that showed pornography as early as the second year of film-making. So, clearly, it makes sense that someone would want to know this. But I was just trying to learn what it was all about! Rather shocking.

Now, that said, I do think that SOMETHING amazing is happening at Second Life. People are getting into it. But it isn't for the "GAME" aspects. There isn't much to do at Second Life. More than that, the graphics kinda suck. And, it's user interface is slow and difficult to manage. It isn't VISTA compliant, yet, so that eliminated several people who wanted to try it. Other people couldn't access via dial-up. So, everyone I WANTED to play with me couldn't, it seemed.

So, as a GAME, I drop it, for now. However, as a social media, or as a MODERN CHAT tool, it has promise. I might prefer the speed of NOW LIVE, where the old-fashioned AOL streaming chat can happen WHILE people host radio shows. That's kind of cool, because you're blending visual with audio. I like that a lot.

Second Life might come up with more in this regard, though, so I wouldn't sell it short.

I just read a very funny parody on Second Life through "Get A First Life" - a site selling CafePress t-shirts. They're poking fun at the world of avatars vs. the world of real people. Darren (the guy who wrote the parody) has a good point: why spend hours in front of a computer for something that MIGHT hold promise as a game or tool when there's all this REAL world of REAL PROMISE out there beckoning to us?! I still think the slogan they ought to print at Get A Real Life is "fornicate using real genitals" as their parody slogan, but they haven't adopted it, yet. The site is funny and the subsequent blog posts are pretty brilliant - especially the letter to Darren Barefoot from Second Life's legal department that represented a rejection of invitation to cease and desist! Amusing and yet a cunning-edge legal work by Second Life.

If you can see other uses for Second Life because a game, a chat tool, or a very S-L-O-W conferencing tool (with considerable technical challenges), please let me know, as I'm still investigating this phenomenon. I'm open to where this type of medium can go, but still unsure as to how much time I want to ESCAPE from reality in Second Life from my ultra-exciting REAL FIRST LIFE! :)

Are you building the REAL LIFE you want to build? If not, try to start using this mantra:

DREAM. LEARN. BUILD. DEVELOP. EXPERIENCE. EVALUATE. REPEAT.


See how your own life begins to manifest more and more of what you seek to attract from your dream life into your real life. You might, like me, just find that your real life no longer requires a virtual life in order to be happy and living on purpose.

If you're an avid "player" in SL, investing hours per day or week, I hope you don't take my evaluation as an insult -- none is intended. If you're enjoying Second Life, I'm not saying you don't have a REAL LIFE. I'm just asking if the time invested in that world is worth the return you're getting. If the answer is "yes" please share how you benefit!

___________________________________________________________


This article is written by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright 2007. Second Life® and Linden Lab® are trademarks or registered trademarks of Linden Research, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement is intended.


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AspireNow: Why I Do My Best Work At Night

I've read that techno geeks are night owls. How about you? In this article, I explain why night owls are often more productive than their early riser counterparts. Is the world wired backwards?

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Why I Do My Best Work At Night

I just finished reading an article about "Becoming an early riser."

PHEW. Why? I know, some people are hard-wired to actually WANT to wake up at the crack of dawn, pour their cup of coffee, and dig into work before the rest of the world has even finished their REM Dream states of sleep.

Not me. I'm a NIGHT OWL. Perhaps it is the jazz musician in me. But, try as I may, I just struggle with getting up early. The truth is: I seem to be hard wired to do my best work at night.

I'll never forget Mary Kay, the famous beauty product company CEO, who gave the first talk at 7:00 a.m. at a Success Seminar (as I struggled to get there 10 minutes late), and said that she attributed half of her success to being an early riser. She called her group of women the "5 O'clock Club" as a way of distinguishing her early-rising as part of her success.

Some people swear by this early morning time as beneficial for the following reasons:

1. Kids aren't awake yet.
2. They feel they can focus early in the morning.
3. Little noise at 5:00 a.m. means it is quieter and easier to think.
4. They feel more productive because they got work done early in the morning.
5. They feel like they've gotten a jump-start on the day, with more work accomplished than many other people accomplish by NOON.

I'm sure an early riser could probably think of a few more. But I'll stop there. Frankly, all of these reasons to get up early make a lot of sense to me.

But they just don't work in my body. I'm not even AWAKE at 5:00 a.m. and don't ever intend to be, unless flying to Hawaii or something.

I've come to learn that I'm simply NOT wired to rise early. I remember waking at 6:00 a.m. during college and rushing out the door, speeding off to try to cram a 40 minute commute into 30 minutes to make it to school, just to make my 7:05 a.m. bell at Cuesta and later, Cal Poly, in order to complete my education. I didn't WANT to be up that early; I simply HAD to be up that early in order to maintain both my workload and class schedule in order to graduate according to my goals.

When left to my own devices (or vices), I have to admit, I'm actually one of these people who would rather sleep later and WORK LATER.

In fact, I OFTEN DO MY BEST WORK AT NIGHT!

There, I said it, the cat is out of the bag. Speaking of cats, maybe I am one. Have you ever noticed how your cat seems to love sleeping half the day, and then wakes up when you're going to sleep? Sometimes I feel like that. I love working at night.

For the same reasons that the 5:00 club loves to tout their snooty morning hours in my face, I love to reply (albeit with slightly less snarkiness) that I get similar benefits as they do, after 10:00 p.m.:

1. Kids are asleep.
2. I can focus easier late at night.
3. No noise from lawnmowers, weed blowers, neighbors, telephones, and considerably less email during late hours means life is quieter and it is easier to think.
4. I feel more productive because I got so much work done late at night.

But I'll also add:
5. There are more hours between 10:00 p.m. and 3:00 a.m. than between 5:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. Therefore, I can do considerably MORE FOCUSED WORK than the early riser.
6. A night owl actually feels like they have a bigger jump start on the day than the early riser: it's like working in London while you're in San Francisco. I've already done more work than most people do the NEXT DAY BEFORE I EVER GO TO SLEEP.
7. If this is my natural biorhythm, why should I fight it?
8. I'm happier at night than I am in the morning. I like to write when I'm happiest.

An example is right now. It is 11:36 PM. And, I'm writing an article. I'm flying through this article and it will probably be written in 30 minutes. The same article, written at 10:00 a.m., would easily require double that time. Why? Noise, interruptions, email/phone distractions, and so forth.

Another example was a few weeks ago. I woke up in the middle of the night. It was quiet. I couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and went to the computer, and started playing my bass guitar quietly and writing song ideas down. I then started to write lyrics. Within two hours, I had written 5 song lyrics and recorded three rhythm patterns for songs that I'd been working on for a year. A burst of creative output. Did it happen at 5:00 a.m., first thing in the morning? Yawn. Nope.

So, for those of you MORNING people who love to make us NIGHT OWLS feel somewhat inferior to you, why don't you wake up to the fact that some people are genetically wired differently than you? Can't you accept that? As much as one person is born with darker skin than another, as far as I'm concerned, the hours during which I thrive seem to be largely genetic.

See, the difference between the NIGHT OWL and EARLY RISER is that the night owl is not going to try to CHANGE YOU! That's right. I'm not going to tell people HOW TO BECOME A NIGHT OWL. I'm simply explaining that I AM a NIGHT OWL and hoping you, as an early riser, will start, for once in your life, to accept that this is NORMAL BEHAVIOR in a sleep pattern for a human being. We're all unique, right?

When I was a kid, my Mom used to spank me to try to get me to go to bed earlier. It didn't work. My Dad finally told Mom, "You go in there and spank that kid one more time, I'm leaving." I love my Dad. I love my Mom, too. But I really love my Dad for "getting me" first. Isn't it cool when people "get you" and just accept who you are?

When I got into school, the bus came WAY too early. For some reason, the majority of the world was designed by these early birds. Well, I'm one taking a stand for moving business hours later. 7:00 a.m.? Uh oh. When I see a boss in the office that early, I worry. Because they always think that if THEY can rise early, YOU should rise early. It's work, for me. My nephew, who is currently attending school in Spain, told my sister that he's living in Scott-land. What he meant was that people eat dinner at 10:00 p.m. and stay up all hours, and in the morning they show up when they feel like it. I'm not that bad (yes, I can get to an office at 8:00 a.m. -- even 7:30 a.m. -- when I HAVE to) but I do prefer the later schedule.

Can you relate to me?
Are you a night owl?
Do you do your best work at night?

Don't be shy. Let me know how you feel about your beloved sleep pattern.
Oh, and if I offended a morning person, please, I didn't mean to. It's just my nature to be a night owl! I'm just asking you to accept me the same way I accept you. (Just don't make too much noise while you're up - I'm still sleeping!) ;-)

P.S. - I just finished writing this article at 12:00 a.m. It took me less than 30 minutes to write. Yes, I love the night!
_____________________________________________

Post by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright © 2007-2011 by AspireNow. You may reprint this article if you copy in full with this copyright message and all links attached. All rights reserved. Remember, you read it here first. :-)

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How Is Your Love Life?

How is your love life, lately? Are you happy with your mate? Are you single? Married? Divorced? Widowed?

You know, I get a lot of feedback from people with questions about their love life. Usually, it's a question of getting beyond the pain from past relationships, or a question about whether the person you are with is the one, or a question about how to attract and keep the man of your dreams or woman of your dreams.

I've put together some tips to creating a better love life, that can help almost any person, in any situation, at any time.

Couples:

1. To maximize your love life, make sure to smile and kiss as both hello and goodbye gestures. Make the kiss more than a few seconds, and see if you don't get the reminder that "vavavoom! Yes, this is still on!" before you go off to work, or when you return to each other at the end of a day.

2. Continue to develop mutual and solo interests. Interests are good for your love life. It is good to have sports and hobbies. Try to make sure you have some overlap or start a new interest together. This past year, I took up salsa dancing. It was fun and also a great way to bond. I still play my sax in a band, and that is my way of creating as an artist, not to mention a release of fun and dynamic energy. It is good to develop an art, a sport, or other interest, so keep your life interesting and you'll remain interesting to each other as a couple.

3. Have a healthy sex life. A key to longevity in life, and happiness in relationships, is healthy sex. A healthy sex life enables many people to enjoy more of their love life. Be careful not to limit your ability to love through your physical activities. I talked with a woman who said her man lost interest in sex - especially if they got sweaty. Weird, huh? I asked her a few more questions, and she said the guy rode a bike 20 miles a day. Ah. Maybe that was the problem. Sometimes, we receive chemicals through physical activities like riding a bike, that we'd otherwise receive from sexual activity. If you're replaced your sex life with things like chocolate, bicycle-riding, running, horseback riding, or other things like that, consider what you're missing. I suggest channeling more of that energy into sex, at least several times a week, if possible.

4. Be healthy in your choices. Health in mind, speech, diet, and activity all impact your relationship. If you are in a career you hate, this will impact your relationship. Why? Because the stress of the job will impact your ability to feel most loved and appreciated. If you cuss a lot or put others down a lot, this might affect your relationship. So, watch for patterns in your life. If you dare others to be their best, try being your own best self, too. This will improve your relationship with each other.

5. Maintain to make it clean, safe, and fun. Just like it is healthy to do a little Spring cleaning around the house, it is also healthy to do a little relationship Spring cleaning, too. If you find yourself falling into a bad habit, like watching television every night, then maybe it is time to turn off the TV! Play a game, go for a walk, sit around a campfire and tell stories. I've known more than one woman who lost interest in her husband after he gained a big gut and quit bathing regularly (I know, ew). If your mate makes you say "ew" you're losing the attraction. That goes for women, too. Have you ever seen a woman put on 50 pounds after getting married, then she wonders why the marriage starts to slip? One of my good friends in the late 1990's used to take his wife to Bed & Breakfast hotels and go wine-tasting on weekends. They enjoyed their new marriage. After two years, he stopped doing that with her. She put on weight. He got bogged down in work. I predicted divorce. Sure enough, two years ago, they went through a divorce. If you're finding a habit of laziness in picking up your clothes, go around and pick them all up and start being more clean with yourself. Do a little house-cleaning. Spruce up, fix yourself up, stay in shape, eat healthier. Act like you care about yourself and your surroundings. It's not just a respect issue: it's also a love issue. As you love yourself, this will impact your relationship, too, as then you can love your significant other.

Singles:

1. If you're single, focus on what you want the most. Don't be so picky that you rule out men or women who might be worth dating. Be polite, courteous, be a little mysterious and "naughty" but also have a good backbone to what you're doing.

Men: compliment the woman you like the most LAST. Give the other women props (compliments) first. This will make the one you want ask why you haven't given her the positive comments, and she'll be more eager for your advance.

I'm NOT going to recommend you do what the guy in THIS video does:



I found it entertaining, and thought you might, too.

Women: play a little hard to get. Let the man call you a few times for each time you call him. Have a life, but if you really like the guy, let him know you really like him by being available and interested in him when he does call.

A woman once met me for dinner on my birthday. She had invited me, she had money, but let me pay anyway. What does that say about her? I had to break it off with her. Know what your standards are and how you want to be treated. Live by them, even if it seems hard at the time. Today, I have no regrets that I am not dating that woman. Focus on what you want: if you focus on attracting someone loving, who treats you great, who supports you, and is sexy, fun, and smart, you just might attract that. I believe in the power of attraction.

2. Don't use partners for sex. Be honestly open and attracted to what you want. When you want sex, be honest about it. Don't be blatant or rude, let things take their course naturally, but sex isn't dirty and it can be highly enjoyable when everyone is mutually attracted and into each other. Be real with each other and treat each other with respect as you would your own son, daughter, or best friend.

3. Be wary of "patterns" in who you're attracted to. If you're single, be aware that some of your typical patterns may, in fact, be ways that you're trying to work out relationship issues with your mother, father, or other sibling. You want your love life to be about your ADULT love life, so it might be helpful to stay clear of typical patterns from your past.

4. Be your own best self, then focus on attracting more of what you love. If you love people who make you laugh, seek out others who have a fun sense of humor. If you are someone who liked to imagine doing great things and travelling the world, would it make sense for you to be with a pessimist who hates to travel? Be logical, and loving, in who you choose to spend your time with and you'll likely get more of what you want.

5. Give yourself ways to keep physically energized. Sports, walks on the beach, a massage, kissing, dancing, and more all can keep you engaged and energized for those time periods when you don't have sex with anyone. Keep yourself up and keep yourself in-shape, and keep doing what you love, with an eye for meeting others who might love you, and you'll develop a healthy and happy single life.

I've been in most aspects of relationships (single/dating/married). Single can be fun for the freedom of it, although it can get lonely if you find it difficult connecting with people. Dating and marriage can be nice for the comfort of the relationship, the steadiness of having someone there to share your day with, and steady sexual relations that can deepen into a spiritual experience. Between the two, I prefer being in a relationship to being single, but that doesn't mean I recommend you "settle" on a partner just to be in a relationship.

The most important aspect of building a love life that you really, really want, is to keep things fresh, interesting, new, use surprise, be a little different sometimes, and have fun with your life and with your loved one. Do it with yourself, and do it with others. Make sure to love yourself, and then give love to your significant other.

We can have the love we seek if we become the love we want to attract. Love is the answer, and remember, you gotta give some to get some.

_____________________________________________

Post by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow. Copyright © 1999-2007 by AspireNow.

You may reprint this article if you copy in full with copyright and all links attached.

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Who Is Your Hero?

Who Is Your Hero? (How Heroes and Heroines Influence Our Life Purpose.)

Do you have a hero?

I recently completed a personality test online, and one of their questions intrigued me:

"Who are your heroes?"

Actually, it was worded as MENTOR. But, I see a mentor as a hero, or heroine. I struggled with this question for a bit, then decided I knew who my heroes were: Jesus Christ, Buddha, Tony Robbins, Amelia Earhart, Anastasia, Miles Davis, Ella Fitzgerald, Winston Churchill, and so forth. I pretty much tend to consider my heroes and mentors as people who stood for what they believed in. There's also a list of entrepreneurs who are my heroes, which probably includes Steve Jobs, Larry Page & Sergey Brin of Google, Kevin Rose (Digg.com), Richard Branson (love him), and others. I even think I added my own father and mother to the list. The question made me realize that who we choose as heroes might be people who inspire us to do great things. These might be the people who you model yourself after, or they are people who strove to build something. They might just be people whose values or love we really appreciate. An example would be a teacher. My second grade teacher, David Wilson, was such a man. I just remember him being really fun, smart, loving, and a great guy who embraced each student's special talents in a way no other teacher ever did before or since. Do you know people like this?

Nevertheless, the study of mentors, both heroes and heroines, caused me to realize that who we choose as mentors is likely a contributor to how we manifest our purpose.

Who are YOUR heroes and heroines?

In some cases, a hero or heroine might be a group of people, such as firefighter, astronaut, politician, music-star, rock star, entrepreneur, philosopher, religious or spiritual leader, or any other type of person who rises to notoriety in their chosen professional or calling. To me, those who follow their calling in the most complete and sacrificial way are those who are most likely to become a hero. Who do you consider a hero? Is it a person? A group of people? Are they dead or alive?

If you consider who your heroes and heroines of life might be, you might be surprised to find that most of these great heroes and heroines had something in common. If you review the following list of qualities, you will note the many of your heroes had qualities that, if we could emulate, would probably cause US to become great, too.

Here is the list of positive power qualities I culled from my list of mentors:

1. Believed in making a positive difference.
2. Saw their life as part of that mission.
3. Created or received a vision for their life (purpose).
4. Took action.
5. Were told they couldn't do it or faced other persecution.
6. Took unusual risks to succeed, in spite of that opposition or persecution.
7. May have failed at first, but learned and grew from failure.
8. Ultimately succeeded in realizing their vision.
9. Impacted many people.
10. Shared their knowledge, riches, and love with others.

Take anyone great from history, and you will find a similar blueprint to his or her life story.

Here are some examples:

Ella Fitzgerald: She wanted to be a dancer from an early age. She entered a contest at the Apollo Theater in 1934, when she was 16, dressed in cast-off clothes and wearing men's boots, hoping to gain some attention as a dancer. Ella experienced stage fright and couldn't move. "I got out there and I saw all the people I just lost my nerve," Ella said, "And the man said, 'well, you're out here, do something!' So, I tried to sing." She only knew a few songs but started singing Connee Boswell's "Judy," and "The Object of My Affection." She won $25.00 in the contest. The effects of that night not only established her as a new, brilliant vocalist, but also marked the Apollo as a primary theater since that time. However, Ella didn't have an easy time leading big bands. Duke Ellington's band was about the only band that could afford a singer. Chick Webb's big band gave her a try out. She passed Chick’s test in singing her few songs. But she still had to impress the band's manager, Moe Gale. Gale looked at Ella and said "Ah no, Chick. No, no!"

"Listen to the voice," Chick said, "Don't look at her." Can you imagine being judged on your gender, race, looks, age, or appearance? Well, many people are ruled out based upon those things, and Ella was not an exception to these prejudices. However, Moe was speechless when he heard the young girl sing. She sang in Chick’s orchestra and then took some risks by singing nursery songs, like "A Tisket-A Tasket" that led to huge success. Yet, despite numerous awards, appearances on television shows, and accolades from the finest of the world’s musicians, writers, performers, and journalists, Ella was shy – so shy she often could not speak publicly. Yet, she was also known to have a huge heart. She overcame diabetes and toured until shortly before her death in 1996. Ella impacted people from around the world and her vast collection of music recordings continues to impact singers, musicians, and music-lovers across the world. Her fans fondly referred to Ella as the First Lady of Song and the First Lady of Swing.

Winston Churchill: He believed in becoming a great speaker and leader. He believed in learning from history. He believed in perseverance. He saw standing up to England’s enemies (both WWI and Hitler in WWII) as the primary objective of the British. Winston took part in his vision as leader of his people. He often flew in the face of opposition in how he built the British Navy and deployed resistance, but certainly wouldn't be accused of inaction. He was a zealous man. He was told he could not win. His response: "we will NEVER surrender." He stood on rooftops during the bombing raids of London in defiance of Hitler’s attacks. He had failures, even after D-Day, but from D-Day onward the Allies pushed Germany until Churchill won the war. He later went down as one of the greatest orators in history. One of his most well-known speeches: "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense."

Apostle Paul: believed his life was about persecuting the Christians, until one day he had a dream (vision) where he saw Christ, or an angel of Christ, telling him to build the church. He then went about that mission to the point where a church failed, trusted companions left him, and at times was flogged, beaten, stoned, sunk (his ship went down on one journey), and was imprisoned multiple times. One time the bars opened during an earthquake and he got out. He put his life in danger for his purpose. It wasn't about what made him happy; rather, it was what DROVE HIM passionately, in spite of all challenges, to accomplish his aim, not in destination, but in daily, hourly action.

Joan of Arc: She saw her life as a mission for God. She received visions through voices calling her to be a maiden leading her people in France out of bondage to the English. She took action when she went to Dauphin to gain control of the army. She led her people, in spite of considerable opposition. The King withdrew his support for her (reason unclear). Despite this, she led an army of over 50,000 against the English, winning several battles. She eventually was captured and held hostage for a year. Unfortunately, she was handed from Burgundy to the English, who were ruthless in their torture, trial, and execution by trying Joan as a Witch and heretic, and then burning her at the stake. Nevertheless, Joan went down in history as a martyr for her cause, her people, and her God. She continues to impact people to this day.

The story, as it pertains to conviction, sense of values, and strength of purpose, is similar for almost anyone great in history you may choose: Marie Antoinette, Amelia Earhart, Theodore Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, George Washington, Gandhi, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jesus Christ, Buddha, King Solomon, and so on.

Note that each of these people could be described as PROACTIVE in LIVING THEIR PURPOSE, ABSOLUTE in their CONVICTIONS, and IRON-CLAD in their PERSONAL VALUES.

Can you say that about your own self?

Who are your heroes and heroines? How do your heroes and heroines influence your life? Compare the traits of your heroes and heroines with the list of traits above. How do they compare? What similarities can you find in their life purpose?

In the Bhagavad-Gita, the warrior Arjuna, interacts with his charioteer, Krishna, who is a Poet speaking on behalf of God. Arjuna is about to do battle with his kinsmen and asks Krishna, his charioteer to take him out to survey the battle lines. As he does so, Arjuna loses heart and thinks it would be too painful to attack his former brothers and friends. In encouraging Arjuna, Krishna shares insight into the meaning of life. One of these insights is the insight of yoga (skill in action):

"…You have a right to your actions,
but never to your actions' fruits.
Act for the action's sake.
And do not be attached to inaction.

Self-possessed, resolute, act
without any thought of results,
open to success or failure.
This equanimity is yoga.

…The wise man lets go of all
Results, whether good or bad,
And is focused on the action alone.
Yoga is skill in actions." [2.45, 2.47-50]

The key to the seeker (wise man or woman) is coming from a place of purpose, and then going beyond the goals, results, and fruits of efforts, with the intention placed solely on CONSISTENT COMMITTED ACTION. If you make a decision you've committed to LIVING the purpose you set out upon. This is the essence of a true committed decision. If you are truly committed to your purpose you MUST act. The skill in your actions will determine your own personal greatness.

Are you a reactive or proactive person?

a. Do I see my life as making a positive difference? YES ___ NO ___
b. Do I understand my mission for my life? YES ___ NO ___
c. Do I seek other people’s approval before acting? YES ___ NO ___
d. Do I listen to criticism and quit when rejected? YES ___ NO ___
e. Do I learn from failures and try again? YES ___ NO ___
f. Do I succeed in my aspirations? YES ___ NO ___
g. Have I failed to act on ideas until others succeed? YES ___ NO ___

The importance of moving from reactive to proactive is this point that I make in pretty much ALL of my coaching with people and consulting with business leaders. At some point, it all comes down to how we ACT. And reaction is passive. Passivity leads to failure; in that we have released the outcome to outside circumstance. Being PROACTIVE leads to success; in that we have impressed our will through action and can then release the outcome because we have done our part. If you want to succeed, be proactive. Ascribe to the traits and talents of your mentors, both heroes and heroines, and see if you don't live a life both on purpose and full of interesting pursuits.

___________________________________________

Learn more: Do you have a question relating to heroes, heroines, and your own life purpose? Please email us at info (at) AspireNow (dot) com or contact us at 805-459-6939.

Post by Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.

Note: this article contains information Copyright © 1999-2007 by AspireNow. You may reprint this article if you copy in full with all links attached (included), including this Copyright.

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Resources for victims of the fire

This post is for victims of the LA/San Diego Fire disaster this past month. If you, or a friend/family member, has been effected by the fires this year, please send them this helpful information:

This information was provided by the State of California website (http://www.ca.gov).

The following insurance companies are expected to send company personnel, agents and claims adjusters to fire-damaged areas:

Allstate: (800) 547-8676
Auto Club of S. California: (800) 672-5246
California Casualty: (800) 800-9410
Farmers (English): (800) 435-7764
Farmers (Spanish): (877) 732-5266
Fireman’s Fund: (888) 347-3428
Liberty Mutual: (800) 225-2467
MetLife Home and Auto: (800) 422-4272
NationWide: (800) 421-3535
Oregon Mutual: (800) 934-3809
Prudential: (800) 346-3778
USAA: (800) 531-8222
SAFECO: (800) 332-3226
State Farm: (800) 732-5246
Traveler’s: (800) 252-4633
21st Century: (800) 322-8200

The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) offers assistance including grants for home repairs, low-cost loans to help cover uninsured property losses and family counseling services. For information, call 1-800-621-FEMA (3362) or visit www.fema.gov/assistance.

The California Department of Insurance may also have disaster assistance available for you. For more information, call 1-800-927-HELP (4357).

For a certified copy of a marriage license, contact the California Department of Public Health, Office of Vital Records at (916) 558-1784 or the County Recorder’s Office in the county where the license was issued.

Certified divorce decrees are available from the Superior Court in the county where the divorce was filed. The State Office of Vital Records can only issue certificates of records with limited information.

Birth and death certificates are available from State Office of Vital Records, County Health Departments and County Recorder offices.

Driver’s license or identification card replacements or address changes for both can be made through the California Department of Motor Vehicles at 1-800-777-0133.

Social Security Number cards are issued by the Social Security Administration. To apply for a replacement, call 1-800-772-1213 or go by your local Social Security Office.

Pets left behind or lost: To find locations and phone numbers of animal shelters or agencies call (888) 738-7911 or go to www.pets911.com or check with the Petfinder Foundation at www.petfinder.com/disaster.

Road closure information is available through the following websites:

Los Angeles County - www.lacounty.info
Orange County - www.ocfa.org
Ventura County - www.fire.countyofventura.org
San Diego County - www.sdcdpw.org
San Bernardino County - www.sbcounty.gov

The Governor’s Office of Emergency Services may be contacted at (800) 750-2858.

The Red Cross has opened multiple shelters for wildfire evacuees. Facilities will remain open as long as needed. In addition, the agency has initiated a “Safe and Well” Website. Through https://disastersafe.redcross.org you can register yourself as “safe and well” to let selected family and friends know your status. If the web is not available, registration or other information is available by calling 1-800-REDCROSS.

FEMA also operates at Family Registry and Locator System allowing searches for friends and family members displaced by the fires. For information, call 1-800-588-9822.

The non-emergency phone number for the California Highway Patrol is
1-800-TELL CHP (1-800-835-5247).

If you need help with coaching, AspireNow stands ready to assist you. If you need help re-launching a business, we recommend ARRiiVE Business Solutions.