Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Why Dating Sucks (and How To Be a Happy Couple)

I just received this two word message in an email to me from a married friend:

"Dating Sucks."

My response:

"I like dating. I assume you meant "dating sucks, generally speaking" or something like that.

Marriage sucks more."

Okay, so if dating sucks, generally, why would marriage suck more, generally speaking? The truth is, they both suck equally. They both can be GREAT equally, too. (Yes, I was teasing my friend.)

The reason why dating or marriage sucks is usually because most people don't know how to be HAPPY. They expect other people, outside events and circumstances -- or luck -- to bring them happiness. This is not how to to become happy.

Being happy leads to happy relationships!

We become happy by creating a kick-ass life and realize our dreams. We become happy for enjoying every moment we are alive. Even when we can't pay bills, our health is sick, or our job is floundering, we relish the joy in being alive. That is the key to being happy. Well, wait a minute, we also become happy by being GRATEFUL for WHAT WE HAVE (not what we want). And how do we do that? By picturing our dreams and then taking the steps to live them out. Underneath that, I'd say "By living in a spiritually blessed way and following the wise ways to accumulate happiness." This is all true.

We become happier in relationships by simply loving where we are when we are and giving more than we expect to give. When we create happy, loving, fun, nurturing, safe, secure, successful environments, our relationships flourish rather than flounder.

Think about it. When are you unhappy in a relationship?

When you're EXPECTING your partner to DO something for you, REMEMBER that little thing you like, or GIVE you in a way you thought they might... sound familiar? It is false expectation and false attachment that undermines the potential happiness in each relationship.

That's why being married can suck, too. Because when people get bored in marriage we stop giving and start expecting and then when we don't get what we want anymore we withdraw and stop giving even more (or less). To my married friends, does this sound familiar? That's why marriage sucks (generally speaking).

Now, don't get me wrong: I've seen bad behavior on dates that would make most men run for the hills. I've seen a woman say she wants you to be a gentleman (then acts slutty). I've seen women say they expect equality (then sit back while I pay for the meal - even though maybe she knew I was broke at the time or maybe I bought the last time). I had a date this past May where the woman was DRUNK when I MET her. Apparently, she needed vodka to get over the fear of the unknown. Talk about a semi-blind date gone horribly wrong. It produced a funny story later, but not a fun experience at the time.

I've seen guys belch on dates, drink too much, ignore their female companion, and other bad things. I've seen a guy put down his woman as if she was a piece of meat. People act horribly when dating. I've even made my own mistakes so don't get me wrong I'm NOT on a soap-box. But, yeah, dating can suck sometimes.

But what kind of struck me strange was when my friend said "dating sucks" in reply to my saying "I was on a date and I'm not going to date her again because I really don't feel the chemistry." To me, that's not a date that sucked. I explored an opportunity, decided I don't want that, and I'll let her down with grace and poise. She's a nice woman. She has a decent job and treats people nice. She has a good sense of humor. She's smart. She just isn't doing it for me in the chemistry department. So, it is better to end it before getting involved intimately. I really don't think that people should expect every date to end in the clouds parting, violins playing, and kisses that leave you weak-knee-silly.

Sure, I'd like to date someone where the bells ring, the birds sing, and the heavens shout for joy... but the last time that happened for me - it didn't for her. That is when dating sucks! But even then, it's a good situation, because at least you know it wasn't an equal match. And, in the end, that's all I really want: an equal in love, joy, adoration, spirit, friendship, and communication.

When we discover that type of love, dating ROCKS!

It happens from time to time... give love a chance even if you've been hurt, okay?

Does that type of relationship exist? SURE! There are 20% of people who are VERY HAPPY in their relationship. And, guess what, there's probably another 20% of people who are happily married. These types of relationships DO exist. It takes a sense of humor, dedication, mutual honesty, and equal communication. It takes trust, respect, and commitment. It takes the chemistry, backed up by all these things, to create it. But I've seen it happen. My sister is married in one of those relationships. And, my friend who said "dating sucks" is in one of those relationships, too. Both of these women love their husbands dearly. And that, to me, is awesome!

If you want a safe relationship, don't threaten the relationship when you have a disagreement or act in a way that would compromise the integrity of the relationship. If you want a fun environment, act and show your partner you can both have fun together and create fun things to do together. If you want a successful environment, be successful in what you do. If you fail, redirect into a path where others are succeeding and go for that opportunity. When you get there, don't slack, but give it your all. That's usually how people succeed anyway. Then, when you're with your honey, express GRATITUDE they are experiencing all of this with you!

Be happy to have happier relationships!

Dating doesn't have to suck. Neither does being married. Just make sure YOU are GIVING what YOU CAN, expecting good things but not expecting mind-readers and miracles, and enjoying every moment. And be happy in who YOU are and what you do with your life. Bring that into your relationship. You'll attract that same happiness back.

If your job sucks, find a job that makes you happy. If your health is down, eat healthier, get your sleep, work-out more often, and get back in shape. If your lifestyle is boring, pick up those hobbies and things you always dreamed of doing when you were younger. It is never too late to begin living your dreams. When dreams become reality is when happiness manifests.

When you're happy, your odds of being happily coupled increase dramatically.

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Monday, December 1, 2008

Adventures and Your Dreams

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do... sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sales. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~ Mark Twain

Life an adventure. Or, at least, your life CAN be an adventure.

What dreams are you living? What dreams have you allowed to die?

If you're not living your life fully -- with all gusto -- my question to you, today, is WHY NOT? What are you waiting for?

My father used to travel quite a bit. But last year, he started using oxygen at night. Now, it is harder for him to travel. He skipped Mom's trip to Greece last year. He'll probably skip doing anything exotic, like going to the Galapagos Islands. And, most certainly, he's not going hiking in Antarctica now!

See, if you wait to live your dreams, they'll just slip away. Not only will you not be living them, but then you'll hear of someone else who did and you'll realize "Oh, I'd always thought I'd do that!"

My life is an adventure!

I'm currently going for it full-on with music. I play with a couple of different bands, and pretty much ANY and EVERY time I'm invited to play, whether for pay or not, I go! Why? Because I love playing music, first of all, but second because playing music in front of thousands of people is a dream I will not let die. It is a dream I will explore. Each time I play, with different musicians or my regular band(s) with whom I play, I discover new sounds, new grooves, and enjoy the moment.

Last year, for the first time since I was a child, I created a painting. My friend painted over it, much to my chagrin; however, it was the experience of going for it. This year, I aim to start painting more seriously. This last year, I also embarked on a dream to start Salsa dancing. It is so much fun. I'm still not Intermediate level, but definitely no longer a beginner!

Are you expressing yourself artfully?

In business, I've launched a couple of companies, including AspireNow. They're growing. It's exciting to be part of a business launch. Right now, I'm helping a company called Elements launch their sales. I love it! Are you living your business dreams? If not, what can you envision that would be the best fit for your skills? Go do that! Make sure to negotiate the money you need to not only survive but thrive and you'll be even happier. It helps to have money in the bank, you know. Not only that, but money in the bank can help pay for the next adventure.

What are you doing with your career to live your dream?

If your job is just a job, consider taking a new approach. How can a job be a dream-come-true? Is this in the cards for you? Perhaps you need to stack your own deck so the dream of living your dream job is TRUE for YOU!

Where will you go next?

I have many adventures and places I still wish to travel: Brazil, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Colombia, France, England, Austria, Italy (especially Italy), and more. The list seems to grow! This year, I'm going to go to one of these, at least. I'm thinking Cuba may be the place...

Where will you go this year? Write me a note and share your own journey!

Want an easier way to manifest your dreams? Use Dream Board (Vision Board) software by Orange Peel:

Start Creating Your Vision Board Today!

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